Monday, July 7th, 2014

Put Your Phone Down

As a people we have lost the plot. Because we can document everything, we will, and we can't stop. Every event is now a sea of people with their arms held up in a triangle, forming an illuminati symbol with our phones at the apex. We've gone too far. It has to stop. Like a Beyoncé concert, the New York City fireworks were a nightmare of phones, and for what? For nothing. Data for your cloud. You can fully understand why performers—and brides and grooms!—want to ban all cellphones at events.

Take a picture of a flower, a baby, a cat, a sidewalk, an airplane, a painting, please. Please do! It's wonderful that we all have instant access to an artistic practice that was once expensive and elitist. But the compulsory documentation of everything is monstrous. Let it stop with you.

The fireworks as seen from Brooklyn Bridge Park were beautiful. I don't even really like fireworks! As a tall person, I was happy to be able to see through your arms and around your phones. I hope you're treasuring all those photos right now.

21 Comments / Post A Comment

Tyler Coates (#451)

Were you… taking pictures of people taking pictures?

Mr. B (#10,093)

Hopefully with an actual camera (like, one you actually have to stick your eye into) instead of an Illumunati phone??

@Tyler Coates : I'm taking a photo of your comment right now.

dietcock@twitter (#64,482)

@Tyler Coates "People take pictures of each other/Just to prove that they really existed"

@Tyler Coates Why do hate journalism.

And then Katie said (#245,323)

"Why the fuck do you care how someone else enjoys a sunset?":

freetzy (#7,018)

@And then Katie said Because your arms are in the way, asshole.

I am totally fine with all the sentiments expressed in the preceding piece. Additionally, why does it seem that virtually every other person at MoMA is taking cameraphone photos of paintings while virtually nobody at the Met is? It is a mystery for the ages.

Mr. B (#10,093)

@Gef the Talking Mongoose Isn't it really just the ever-present semicircle of clicking phones around "Starry Night"? It's like, "Hey! I saw that same poster in my friend's dorm room! Let me grab a picture — it'll blow her mind!"

I don't recall you so tall.

eizverson22 (#277,962)

Sometimes the phone can leave a good thing.

Jay Casey@facebook (#239,149)

You know what's stupid? Fireworks. You know what's more stupid? Watching fireworks. Fireworks look the goddamn same every time. "No, no, here comes the finale!" No, it's the same thing over and over again. Sure, they're all different. There's loud one, bright ones, ones that burn trails in the sky. But really what are fireworks but an event to entertain children and scare dogs. Fuck fireworks. Fuck everything about them. Fuck "hey, we're going to check out the show. Wanna come with?" No. Fuck that.

Taking cellphone pictures of them is stupid. It's about the equivalent of taking pictures of the TV. You know what else people take pictures of? That's right. The TV. People are stupid. People will take pictures of the dumbest things. People take pictures of their genitals thinking they're doing something different when all they're doing is taking an ugly picture of something that was doing okay without their input. Cellphones aren't the problem, people are. People ruin everything.

KarenUhOh (#19)

NYC fireworks + Instagram Masses + Maria Abramovic, Blindfolded, in Goodyear Blimp = Guggenheim Fellowship

Smitros (#5,315)

People taking phone pictures now clog up aquariums. It's not enough to find Nemo, people also have to get a closeup.

@Smitros : The big Pacific octopus at the Seattle aquarium has learned to recognize the pre-photo red-eye-reducing flash of an iPhone camera. When he sees it, he spreads out all his arms and turns bright red, which is octopus-speak for "fuuuuuck yooouuuu."

That is all.

NB : this may be related to the well-documented survival strategy in which smaller octopi turn red when hit with a flash of blue-filtered light (seriously, go look it up), but I prefer to think of it as the octopus going all Sean Penn on the paparazzi.

Smitros (#5,315)

@Gef the Talking Mongoose That's great, thanks. The mollusk has more sense than its viewers.

@Gef the Talking Mongoose
Wait. Never mind this article. Never mind the other comments.
You know quote "the well-documented survival strategy" of "smaller octopi"??
You win 1,000 points and you have made the best contribution to this webpage! I vote that you are the main content.


hershmire (#233,671)

But how else are we going to remember all of these moments we ignored?

14814762@twitter (#281,623)

Ubiquitous Self-Documentation and The Abolishment of Privacy

2371152146@twitter (#281,650)

Pierre Bourdieu predicted we were too dumb and too sheepish and too ignorant to handle the easy access to photography.

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