Nothing will replace the “like”
button on our Facebook pages. But does it say enough? Even with the
fine suggestion from Facebook engineers of a “sympathize” button,
we’re still handcuffed to a simple abstraction—“like”—when what we
really mean is so much more specific.
• This post has my name on it.
• Historically I’ve “liked” stuff like this.
• Don’t dislike.
• Great photo of you! (Shitty photo of me!)
• Ha ha ha!—I think I understand.
• A lot of my friends have “liked” this.
• Inside joke?
• Missing word?
• LOL’d… didn’t quiiite ROTFL.
• Think you’re attractive.
• Keep going back and forth between “like” and “unlike.”
• Thought you were staying in this weekend…?
• Nice accomplishment.
• Are you dating an old man? Or is that your dad?
• In the bathroom “liking” a post you made earlier from this bathroom.
• My, you are outgoing.
• You can’t expect me to “like” two different profile pics in the same day. I won’t. I will not…. Okay, I changed my mind.
• How did you get married before I did?
• You dressed better than you needed to for that event.
• You look heavier than you did last year at this time.
• Did the math and you may have been pregnant before the wedding.
• Can figure it out for sure if you send me dates of your last ten periods.
• Don’t think we haven’t noticed you’re posting a lot lately.
• You titled your own photo. Are you an artist?
• Can’t believe you “liked” your own post. Can’t believe I did, too.
• Clicked “See More” when I wasn’t reading in the first place.
• Your newborn looks dumb.
• No one has “liked” this yet, and it’s been hours.
• Do you own other t-shirts?
• You look thrilled to be in this photo. Bill Clinton does not.
• Wish I had a house like yours and not like mine.
• Again: nice accomplishment.
• Is there such thing as a “hate-like”? I’ve been “hate-liking” a lot of these.
• And hating myself all the while.
• Your dog is cuter than your son.
• Your niece makes weird art.
• This post is actually cool, but I’ve sold myself out by “liking” so many of your posts that weren’t cool, and now I don’t know how to express that.
• Okay, once again—nice accomplishment.
• Sick of your accomplishments.
• Leaving Facebook.
• Goodbye forever.
• Hey, I’m back.
• Will you be my friend?
Jeff Bender is a writer living in Bellingham, Washington. He received his MFA from Columbia University and is currently at work on his first novel.