Friday, October 4th, 2013
10

Pretend To Be Surprised: British People Don't Bathe

It would be very easy to treat the "surprising new figures" revealed by this survey that "more than a quarter of Britons never have a bath" as further evidence that the foul and pestilent dwellers of that benighted island are exactly as filth-encrusted and odoriferous as the rest of the world has so frequently chronicled in story and song, a vile and dungy people whose only experience of exfoliation comes when the sharp edge of the blade removes a layer of the cack-encrusted excrescence their medical professionals refer to as "skin," but I wouldn't want to encourage any stereotyping and also, not even civilized people take baths anymore. I think that fact that Britons are no longer inclined to lie around in a pool of their own putrid effluvia is one of the few redeeming things about the squalid shitpile they call home. It's, like, that and English muffins. Otherwise it's a barren wasteland lit only by the reflected glint of knives.

10 Comments / Post A Comment

LondonLee (#922)

Oh give it a rest.

riotnrrd (#840)

@LondonLee Spoken like a true apologist for the chinless Anglican menace.

libmas (#231)

@LondonLee You can't mean that, not after reading the poetry that was that last sentence: "Otherwise it's a barren wasteland lit only by the reflected glint of knives." It's a kind of affirmation to inspire such eloquence.

Flumper (#249,592)

I've seen better examples of journalism in youtube comment sections.

Mr. B (#10,093)

Anything to declare?

Yeah: Don't go to England.

I love the British but this is art.

Mr. B (#10,093)

Crumpets are ever so much better than ordinary English muffins but we can't get them in the U.S. :(

LondonLee (#922)

@Mr. B Crumpets are pretty easy to get up here in MA.

scrooge (#2,697)

Got bad news for you — English muffins aren't English

hockeymom (#143)

I blame the moon.

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