Friday, October 25th, 2013

Bagels, In Order

This is not a recognized bagel11. Plain

10. Whole Wheat/Whole Grain

9. Egg

8. Rye

7. Sesame

6. Poppy

5. Onion

4. Garlic

3. Everything

2. Pumpernickel

1. Salt

40 Comments / Post A Comment

ejcsanfran (#489)

I was quite relieved that not a one of those goyishe abominations like cinnamon raisin and blueberry was included here.

@ejcsanfran Put up your dukes.

ejcsanfran (#489)

@Eamon Doyle@facebook: Look, to each his own – but I think we can all agree that someone called "Eamon Doyle" is unlikely to have an appropriate cultural understanding of acceptable varieties of bagels.

For the record, my surname is "Cohen"…

hockeymom (#143)

@ejcsanfran What about salt ON blueberry?

Mike_B (#239,283)

@ejcsanfran Those are boiled donuts. If you want one, you're more than welcome to put on your pleated khakis, hop in your Dodge Ram, blast some Michael Buble, and go down to the store to pick some up. But they're not bagels.

@ejcsanfran Yes, yes, I'm very familiar with "If a bagel tastes good, it's inauthentic."

sixlocal (#296)

If anybody disagrees with this list anymore than maybe swapping a few places, you need to get the fuck out of New York City.

@sixlocal Joke's on you, I live in California.

Anarcissie (#3,748)

There is only one true bagel. All else is heresy and abomination.


Alternately :

@Gef the Talking Mongoose : Fun fact — "comment" and "alternately, comment" are equivalent in this case.

Bialy or GTFO.

HereKitty (#2,713)

@Clarence Rosario WELL PLAYED, SIR!

Rod T (#33)

My bagel secret is to get them straight out of the oven (around 6 – 6:30 at my local shop). An everything (or sometimes salt) bagel straight out of the oven with (tofu) cream cheese with coffee: Heaven.

It's an old guy thing. You'll get here. I'll welcome you.

Julia duMais (#237,428)

@Rod T This pretty much just confirms what I already suspected re: my being old at heart, although going to bed at 9 and getting up at 4:30 did make me wonder.

Smitros (#5,315)

Can we get some Montrealers to weigh in?

Yellojkt@twitter (#243,177)

I'm gonna be a heretic but Asiago Cheese is the greatest bagel idea ever.

This list is an embarrassment. Salt bagels are just pretzels. This list was made by a bagel hater.

Etruscan Duck (#9,366)

@Dan Blondell@twitter But hot out of the oven on a Sunday morning eaten plain out of the bag, they are the best pretzels you'll ever have. Salt at number one even makes up for egg bagels being on the list at all, which I presume to be a typo.

Jimkrunk (#231,024)

Is there some trick to salt bagels that makes them…edible? I tried one a few months ago and couldn't even get through it. As someone who regularly swills dirty martinis with a nearly 1:1 ratio of booze to olive broth, it's not like I have a delicate palate or anything.

HereKitty (#2,713)

@Jimkrunk Butter.

laurel (#4,035)

Mmm, bagels.

Julia duMais (#237,428)

@laurel this is the true correct comment.

Ledrew (#654)

@Balk, I challenge you to eat an egg bagel while I eat a plain one. Also, what's your beef with seeds?

@Ledrew – This is the main issue. But all in all, I've seen far more significant perversions of justice in Awl LwCs.

Mr. B (#10,093)

Bagel toppings, in order:

5. ???
4. Butter.
3. Cream cheese.
2. Lox.
1. Lox AND cream cheese.

@Mr. B 1. Lox and cream cheese and sliced onion and sliced tomato. ON AN ONION BAGEL.

Mr. B (#10,093)

@Clarence Rosario Pumpernickel or GTFO.

@Clarence Rosario No capers? Why hast thou forsaken?

@S Morris Rose@facebook I hate capers. No idea why.

Nicholas@twitter (#225,838)

sesame could be a little higher, says-a me.

BoHan (#29)

The only thing that suck balls worse than this fucking list is the tags to this fucking list. NO CHEESE? Retract this post or I burn it down. Also, I'm sleepy. Night.

15933293@twitter (#251,154)

There is no bagel better than poppyseed. A bagel that tastes great, AND makes you test positive for opoids is the obvious king of baked goods. This writer is a great fool.

SALT?!?!?!?!?!!?!? this list is an abomination.

Someday someone will make a garlic onion pumpernickel bagel, and then I won't have to buy a garlic and an onion and a pumpernickel bagel and then shake the bag up and down and leave them for a couple of hours to meld. Toasted with butter. Booking plane ticket now.

Cinjun (#11,921)

I can't sum up my response to this except with this little video…

pepper (#676)

Salt is the correct number one. The only possible improvement is poppy/salt.

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