Thursday, June 13th, 2013

The Only Diet Tip You'll Ever Need

"Forget abandoning carbohydrates or detoxing. The new dieting craze sweeping Britain and taking off in the United States lets people eat whatever they like – but only five days a week."
—People, please. I had plans to make a fortune on my one simple diet tip, but because I can't stand to see you all grasping at these ridiculous gimmicks—and because I can't figure how to pad it out to book length—I will share this amazing diet secret with the world: Before you are about to eat anything, ask yourself, "Am I going to enjoy this?" If the answer is "yes," find something else. That's it. You're welcome.


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jolie (#16)


jolie (#16)

(Okay but now I'm going to express the fear that I buried earlier this week: Are Mommy and Mommy fighting again? Alex, why are you antagonizing Choire with Gutty? Is this all part of the process of finding us a New Mommy? Because we're all very sorry for whatever it is we did and won't ever do it again if you two promise to stop fighting. We'll even be nice to that Lame Twitter guy! WE DON'T WANT A NEW MOMMY. WE WANT YOU, MOMMY (AND MOMMY)!)

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