Tuesday, March 5th, 2013

The Artisanal Subscription Internet Has A Menstrual Tea Kettle For Everyone

We really are living in the golden and ridiculous age of home delivery subscription startups. Ad Age has a list of its 14 wackiest subscription service startups—and perhaps I am lazy and entitled but almost none of them sound that zany to me. (Why is everyone making fun of HelloFlo, apart from its silly name, or any of the 1500 services that serve the lady-product market? I would be thrilled to receive tampons every month in the mail… if I had a doorman. Or someone to receive them for me regularly. Or yeah, guess it's "going to the deli" for me.)

My real beef with most of these services is that none of the products are luxe or delightful enough. I don't want you to mail me Tampax Pearls. I want you to mail me hand-crafted tampons in an Etsy collaboration. (Okay I probably actually don't want that.)

I'm not going to subscribe to Me Undies underpants, they are MADE OF SEMI-SYNTHETIC RAYON AND SPANDEX, my business will rot encased in that. I am also not interested in receiving artisanal pocket sundials in the mail.

Now, Candy Japan? In which you are sent not one but TWO random Japanese candy every month??? *Gives them all my money*

7 Comments / Post A Comment

limeonaire (#1,011)

omg artisanal pocket sundial—that is where we disagree.

stuffisthings (#1,352)

@limeonaire Doesn't predict solar eclipses. Ruined my cult meeting. Would not buy again. 2 1/2 stars.

I would KILL for a Tokyo Banana right about now.

Lighter stickers are for shit but a steady supply of black socks and plain, white, ethical t-shirts? Yes, please!

julebsorry (#5,783)

One of my neighbors put an interesting box out on the corner. I Googled the brand name on the box, and found it was for a subscription booze service. Great idea! Until I looked into the FAQs – for $40 a month, they'd deliver "almost everything" needed to make 2 drinks worth of 2 different cocktails. So, $40 a month, and some lemons/limes/simple syrup, would net me and my husband 2 cocktails apeice that we made ourselves. I can't believe someone pays for this. If I want to spend $10 for a fancy cocktail, there's literally 40 places within a 2 mile walk that could fit the bill. And usually if I'm spending $40 on booze, I'm buying a big thing of Maker's b/c momma needs her necessary juice.

BadUncle (#153)

Wait – there's such a thing as artisinal underpants? And people go through them quickly enough for a subscription? I mean, why just use paper towels?

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