Did You Accidentally Fertilize An Egg During Hurricane Sandy, Thereby Bringing About The End Times?

Are you pregnant now, and in your second trimester? Then you are obviously the most selfish human in the world, and your terribleness will bring forth a child of great evil, who will shower devastation upon the country and usher in a new dark era of rising tides and a catastrophe of the climate.

Oh, wait, that was happening anyway? Cause and effect is so COMPLICATED. Sorry, no, your baby is fine! As you were! I’ll buy it a nice cashmere blanket that it can barf on.

But apparently people were traipsing up and down stairs with buckets of water, people were watching their kitty cats float away, and what were you doing? Sex, that’s what, according to this tenuously sourced tabloid claim. And so a herd of babies are prepared to bust forth this summer! Just like the 9/11 baby boom! Oh wait, that did not exist. No such thing. So, like the blackout baby booms! Oh gosh, hold on, those don’t exist either. No. Never mind.