Wednesday, February 13th, 2013
48

Ask Polly: Should I Divorce My Perfectly Good Husband?

Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Because bitterness becomes you!"

Dear Polly,

As Neil Gaiman astutely pointed out, you often don't realize you have a migraine until it's way too late. I have now been with my husband for more than half of my life, and a couple of years ago I realized that I don't actually love him. Or even really like him very much.

Our relationship has never been easy, but for years I had blamed it on Things That Could Be Fixed—lingering distrust from long-ago infidelities, the typical working family's imbalance of housework, a mismatch in communication styles. However, multiple attempts at couples' therapy have never brought more than a modest thaw. It's ,starting to hit me that there is something deeper going on.

We first got together when he was 17 and I was 15, going through my rebellious phase. We were inseparable: cutting classes to smoke weed and screw in his rad Buick Skyhawk. He was a too-cool-for-school stoner and I was a smart girl trying to fit in with everyone and no one. Inseparable soon turned into codependent. In retrospect, I was so terrified of being alone that I was blind to some serious problems: a complete and total mismatch in Life Goals and Ambitions, for one thing. (I have big ideas and I work my ass off to make them happen, while he seems content drifting along.) A pretty big gap in sexual desire, for another. (He has it, I have less. Or maybe I'm just not attracted to him. Hard to say.) I was thoroughly convinced that I enjoyed his company and all the things we did together.

However, 15 years later I'm discovering that I'm a terrible judge of my own desires: I can't trust my own judgment between what I actually enjoy and what I think I should be enjoying. For example, I used to smoke tons of weed, then I quit, then I tried it again and realized I really hated how it made me feel. Then I realized that I had never actually liked how I felt when I was stoned, but I really liked the idea of myself as someone who smoked lots of weed. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

The tipping point (in my relationship with weed and with my husband, funnily enough) was the arrival of our baby. At some point it dawned on me that I felt very different saying "I love you" to my daughter versus saying "I love you" to my husband. With my husband, I always, always had this little doubting voice saying, "Are you sure? Is this what love feels like? I really do love him, right? Things are fine, right?" I remember having these thoughts even when I was reciting my actual wedding vows, which should have been a bright fucking scarlet flag but somehow was not. With my daughter, those nagging doubts became conspicuous by their absence.

So, fast-forward to the present. We have this terrific, beloved child. We own a beautiful house. I dearly love his family, and my family loves him. (The other night we had his mom, my parents, and a few of our neighbors over for dinner; it was a lovely time.) On a day-to-day basis, we function fairly well together: the bills mostly get paid on time, dinner gets made, the kid gets picked up from daycare, we accommodate each other's recreational schedules. He holds down his job, he's smart, we agree on politics most of the time; in short, he's a really decent guy. On the other hand, there is little affection between us, little sex, a lot of tiptoeing around. There is also a fair amount of resentful and passive-aggressive mutual shaming, much of which revolves around the fact that we do not share tastes in music, food, friends, books, movies, standards of household cleanliness or personal grooming. (The short list of things we can agree on: good beer, macaroni and cheese, Stephen Colbert.)

If it were a hundred years ago, I would count myself among the luckiest women on earth; instead, I'm eaten up with resentment and self-flagellation and the fear of being alone and the fear of never being alone again.

A couple of years ago after a particularly vicious fight, I made a vow to myself that I would never again threaten to leave him unless I was really ready to do it. Since then I've just been keeping my head down and trying to cohabitate more or less peacefully. It sucks. Living as awful loveless roommates-with-baggage is unfair to him and to me, and it feels fundamentally dishonest.

The dilemma is whether to commit myself to making this work, somehow, or to move on. Logistically, splitting up would be pretty fucking tough: with two incomes (well, one and a half—I'm getting a degree this spring and working part-time till then) we're barely staying afloat financially as one household. Even assuming my income increases after I graduate, becoming two households would entail actual poverty. The house we own is on land partly owned by his family, so splitting our assets would be pretty messy. And obviously, I don't want to ruin my daughter's life.

So as I mentioned, I don't trust my own judgment at all. I'm at least 50% sure that I owe it to everyone involved to end it as quickly and amicably as possible, but I'm also at least 75% sure that splitting up would be a terrible mistake. I've been treading water for too long, and I'm sick of being a stone-cold bitch and hating myself for it. What the fuck do I do?

Torn

Dear Torn,

You met your husband when you were 15 years old, and now you're 30, and you've never lost this haunting feeling that you don't love him enough. It doesn't really sound like your relationship is besieged by big problems (addiction, unemployment, parenting trouble). You just feel stuck.

Before I go any further, though, let me just say that I don't think it's fair to compare your love for your daughter with your love for your husband. We're animals who are wired to love our children and feed them and keep them safe. They are innocent little rabbits with giant eyes and adorable high voices. (Or at least that's how they look to us. To other people, they're loud, grubby stinkbombs.) Our love for them is uncluttered and largely unconditional (at least until they're teenagers and they start digging shitty bands and pointing out how lame we are every few seconds). Not only that, but there's a period right after you have a baby when your partner just seems superfluous and clumsy, like "Stop getting in the way of my gorgeous baby, you gigantic, hairy idiot." You still have to be careful to yield some control, let the hairy idiot into the picture, and form a family bond. If you feel that you allowed something precious between you two to sever in the wake of the baby, you should probably go back to couples' therapy (I know) and talk about that. Even if that's not the case, just keep in mind that love for different people (youngest kid vs. oldest kid, spouse vs. ex, mom vs. dad) isn't comparable, and all comparisons are destined to yield guilt, confusion, and the drawing of unjust conclusions.

If the kid came between you somehow, that's something to consider. But I'm not really hearing from you that you're shut down and just need to warm up to him or forgive him for some bad behavior in the past, or that you're waiting for him to show you more love or to finally understand something fundamental about your experience. Instead, it sounds like there's a generalized contempt in your relationship, the contempt that comes from two people who feel trapped by their circumstances.

If this were the 70s, you'd be halfway to Venice Beach right now. But these days, many (most?) couples in your situation stick together until they just can't take it anymore. That usually happens when they hit middle-age, and they start thinking about whether or not they want to spend the balance of their days on earth with someone who condescends, has a saggy ass, and can't admit she's wrong. (Or, who picks fights, has bad breath, and always thinks he's right.) It's all about attitude, of course; these insults describe pretty much anyone in their 40s. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and even after I primp and prune and paint on a better face on top of the bad one, I still look like an angry caveman who just got molested by Fancy Nancy, then run over by Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride. That's when I feel really fucking sorry for my husband. (Also because I stink and I hog the guacamole and I talk to the dogs like they're people [important executive-type people] and I have back fat [fuck me!] and I am only going to get uglier and uglier until I get sick and die some day.) He's seven years older than me, but because he's a man and we're all soaking in this wretched sexist tween-girl-loving American fucktwat culture, to me he still looks youngish and sexy and I look like somebody's overweight, cross-dressing uncle.

But you know what's nice? He thinks I look great. When I look in the mirror, I see flatulent sea monster, but he sees juicy slice of ass steak. (Objectification, snowflakes. It Keeps A Marriage Strong.) He thinks that he's a creaky old sad sack with bad knees (And he is kind of whiny shit about his stupid knees. You think we're all not in constant pain? Shut up about it already). He thinks he's gross but I see him and I wonder, "What is this super-hot guy doing in my hairy house with me, a wizened, hormonally-addled ogre?"

And THAT, my friends, is exactly what you want to be asking yourself as you get older and uglier and even older and soooo much uglier, uglier, uglier until you fucking die a painful death in your wonderful spouse's exhausted arms. As you grow old, you want to be standing next to some witty, spicy-hot man who can't tell that you're transforming into a horsey, weathered demon with circular thoughts and ass trouble before his eyes. I know that sounds super fucking romantic, and you know what? It IS. My husband and I bicker occasionally, but we really like and love each other, and when you feel that way (and you try to be as honest and as generous in spirit as possible, about every fucking stupid thing), you tend to enjoy each other more and more as the years go by.

I'm telling you this not because I love to gloat (although, I do) but because I've been in Pretty Good and Just OK and Pretty Bad relationships, and in the Pretty Bad ones, I knew the whole time it sucked but "working on things" was our little way of punishing ourselves, like trying to lose that last 5 pounds when you look better not-skinny anyway. If you believe, in your heart, that you will never, ever get there with your husband, then you should listen to your heart. (And look, I'm not talking to those of you with perfectly great husbands who need a good talking-to and then they'll stop being dipshits about a few crucial things [not all things, of course] and maybe then you'll have sex a little more often and everything will look brighter because, at some basic level, you really do love and care about each other, and things are generally improving, or they will if you put a little energy into it anyway.) If you feel pretty clear that this marriage is not going to improve even if you go to some amazing marriage retreat and fall back in love and have great sex again and learn to overlook books and music (because, ppfftt, who cares?), then I say take a step in a new direction. You're so young. Maybe you'd rather be alone, and eventually date or not, and maybe someday you'll fall in love and feel great about it, really, truly great, without nagging doubts clouding shit up every single day of your life.

By the way, it's pretty crucial to me that you're not talking about finding someone else. Because even though I'm saying that finding the right partner is a world apart from finding the not-quite-right partner, I don't think it's smart to leave a marriage in search of an upgrade. I guess it's tough to scrape that thought from your mind sometimes, but in general, the promise of falling in love and having great sex isn't a good enough reason to scrap 15 years and a kid and a house and intertwined families with someone who's really great but not very exciting. That's why cheating is so fucking obnoxious and screwy—it distorts the facts on the ground, makes it look like there's a beautiful, verdant land waiting for you, one with nothing but laughter and hot sex and someone who LOVES YOU FOR YOU! Rarely does that particular fantasy play out according to plan, and indulging it before you extract yourself from your marriage (or even focusing on it while you extract yourself) can really end in ruin. You aren't even talking about the prospect of another husband. You're just saying: Maybe being alone would be better than this.

Do people regret divorcing their perfectly acceptable husbands who they maybe don't really like anymore? I think they sometimes do. I know a woman who met her husband when she was really young, had an affair after 20 years together, dumped him, and now he's remarried to a younger woman and she says she regrets leaving him. She hates what she put them through and misses their life together. Will you miss your life together? I'm sure you will. How much will you miss it? Do you feel strong enough to tolerate a few years of that? Is it too awful to contemplate living in a small place and supporting yourself? Cutting back on a lot of stuff? Eating potatoes a lot? You don't strike me as someone who, over the years, wouldn't warm to your circumstances, make the best of it, paint the walls bright colors, plant a little garden and feel happier in your own humble space. If I were you, I would construct a vision of what you might want, and a budget for that, and mull that over a little. Try to extract the fear from the picture and see if you can't view it in a positive light.

I know that the guilt around your kid must be crushing. But I don't see what good it is to grow up with parents who are grumpy and don't enjoy each other's company. I was pretty frightened and sad when I was very little, because my parent's were really ugly to each other. After they got divorced, my life improved substantially. My parents seemed much happier, we had more fun, and day-to-day life improved dramatically.

Again, if there's any part of you that suspects that you could revive some lost spark or enjoy each other's company more, you should work on that first. If you're not totally sure, you should go to couple's therapy again and sift around a little, even if it's painful and repetitive. Don't picture a little house of your own without also picturing rediscovering your feelings for your husband and making more space in your current house for YOU. Try on both possibilities. Keep an open mind.

If that feels impossible or fails, you could try to broach the subject without blame. "I love you and care about you, but do we really want to live this way for the rest of our lives? Do you think this is best for our kid, and for us?" I can't say enough how important it is that you keep your head in this conversation and avoid saying a single blaming thing, no matter how pissed off he is. Mistakes were made on both sides. Keep this thought in mind at all times: "This is my very nice, responsible husband and friend. His heart is breaking." He is entitled to get angry, cast blame and many other varieties of hard-to-handle shit. Just be patient and see if you can't stay as positive and kind as possible without being a robot. "Imagine that we could raise Junior separately, and be really good friends. Wouldn't that be better? This is a horribly sad thing, but it doesn't have to be torturous for everyone involved."

Then expect it to be torturous. But stay positive and kind.

I don't know you well enough to know that this is your best move. It's just so fucking complicated, and you never know how you'll feel once the wheels start turning and you're broke and panicked and you hate splitting custody with your husband and his adorable new wife. Being a divorced mom most definitely sucks in an infinite variety of ways, and maybe you should look around online and read about the ins and outs of that, at the very least to avoid common pitfalls from the outset. There are so many reasons NOT to get divorced—very, very good reasons.

But I keep coming back to this: You're young and you've tried hard and it's never been that good and you have a lot of years left to paint a new picture. And I think you sound pretty solid, and pretty committed to not fucking with him or standing in the way of his chances at happiness, separate from you. You might be able to convince him of this, but only if you talk through it when you're not angry. (Don't talk at night, or when one of you has just messed something up, or when you feel anxious.) If you think it would be better, try to see a couples' therapist. Stay open, but be honest about your agenda if you can. Work hard to make space for his perspective.

And try not to feel guilty for how you feel. Sometimes guilt can keep you from seeing how much you actually love a person. Sometimes it can keep you from seeing how much you want to start a new life without that person. Go to therapy alone if you can swing it, in addition to whatever you decide to do as a couple. (There are sliding-scale therapists out there, you just have to be firm about how much you can afford.)

You can love your husband and your daughter and want the best for them and want the best for you at the same time. Take the risk of imagining all of you living happily, whether you're separate or together. It's not impossible.

Best of luck.

Polly



Previously: Ask Polly: Why Are People Such Assholes?


Are you happier than ever, but still not nearly happy enough? Write to Polly and fix everything!



Heather Havrilesky (aka Polly Esther) is The Awl's existential advice columnist. She's also a regular contributor to The New York Times Magazine, and is the author of the memoir Disaster Preparedness (Riverhead 2011). She blogs here about scratchy pants, personality disorders, and aged cheeses. Photo by Stéfan.

48 Comments / Post A Comment

keerquie (#3,346)

why am I crying? I'm 22 and not even close to married, but this had a huge impact on me anyway.

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regards from mr wyne

el guilty for how you feel. Sometimes guilt can keep you from seeing how much you actually love a person. Sometimes it can keep you from seeing how much you want to start a new life without that person. Go to therapy alo

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dullhypothesis (#234,533)

Oh, man. Ooooooh, maaaaaaaaaan. As a person who always stays with boyfriends way too long, this HURTS. This is SUCH a hard decision.

Nabonwe (#12,500)

God I love this advice. I read the letter and I was sure there was going to be some squishy Sugar-style "wanting to leave is enough" empowerment and instead it was so serious and real and laid out the possibilities without either fearmongering or soft-pedaling about how hard it would be.

The only thing I would add is that I think it's important, with this much time invested and a child involved, that she not unilaterally decide to leave the relationship, at least not until she's tried to fix it _with_ her husband. Like, he has a right to know how she's feeling, and to make his best damned effort to make things right. Maybe he won't be able to, or maybe he'll want out as well eventually, but to me that's what defines acting honorably in a serious relationship – all the decisions, even the one to end it, should be made together.

xarissa (#3,317)

@Nabonwe "that's what defines acting honorably in a serious relationship – all the decisions, even the one to end it, should be made together."

Agree with that hardcore.

HeatherH (#241,099)

@Nabonwe Strongly agree that, if her husband wants to go to couple's therapy, she should go. That's an important point that's missing from my response. Thanks for adding it here!

skyslang (#11,283)

@HeatherH But you all, they've been to therapy. They've been trying to work on it and it's not working. I think, yes, she should say that she's thinking of leaving him before she decides to leave him. But I bet that when she says she's thinking of ending it, he'll say he's thinking of ending it too and they'll end it. Because? Nobody is this miserable without their partner being miserable too. He's not living in a bubble.

cursed-in (#241,636)

Most perfect advice & timing for the emotional husband/baby/bad stuff roller coaster I'm currently riding.

This is great. I've read a lot of advice that was along the lines of, "you don't have to explain anything to anybody! go find your freedom, sister!!" but rarely explore the very real repercussions of a split where there are SO many ties – tied, tightly, and in knots, which can be so, so numerous and longstanding. Thank you, PE, for acknowledging this.

Olivia2.0 (#1,716)

@Allison Davis@facebook Agree. I think this is the first time I've ever actually read "there are lots of reasons NOT to get divorced".

Do_Go_On@twitter (#241,297)

The reasons she married were not adult reasons. The dude was a life raft, basically. How many people, particularly women marry because of a "you'll do" attitude? Because they do not want to be alone or do not want to face earning their own way alone? It's not a short-cut to grab a life raft, folks.

And now that she is graduating and after having a kid, it's like she is wanting to be an adult. To start an emotional adult life. I have some advice.

1. Like kids graduating from college, consider a retreat, a trip alone to think about things. Do a woman's retreat for a week. Seriously. With all the noise in your life, you need it. What? You can't afford it? Could ya afford a divorce? I'm sure you are thinking about that. If you were buying a home, you'd spend time and investment checking it out, why is your life any different? What? Your kid can't be without you for a week? What do you think custody would mean? This is serious. You need to be away from the day to day for a while.

2. Do not assume it's a choice you can stay in the marriage. It could get better, but frankly, you're not the only one with the power to end it. Seriously. You don't think he could not decide to break it up later? And then you've blown your youth staying. It could happen. You don't think he has an interior life separate from yours where he wants more? Get individual and then couple's counseling. Do it on the Q-T first if you have to. Invest in this change you are thinking about. You are not alone in your situation.

3. Taste financial independence and a full time job for a while before deciding. In any case, you'll understand things better. Although, just because it would be hard to be separate financially, this is not a reason for soul death.

4. Lastly, are you shitting me that your house is on land your husband's parent's own? Before you use the word divorce to your husband, clean up your finances! Go to Suzy Orman's website. Get forms, figure out plans. The house should also be in your name and this land situation must be sorted now – regardless of your plans. In the case of death of your in-laws OR your husband, you could be up shit creek. Everything should be clear now. All assets should be mapped and cleaned and wills should be in place. For all of you. Consider your kid if you have to to make you do it.

Last thing – another thing I see is that you didn't get a chance to date around before marrying. That's sad and that exploration needs to be mourned, but don't go out and sample goods. Seriously. If you decide to divorce and formally get that going – then yes, but seriously, don't screw around. It complicates things and potentially your divorce and custody if you go that route. Get some toys instead first. Experiment with porn. Don't sample the neighbors.

wunderkatz (#241,649)

LW here, filled with profound gratitude for the compassionate and insightful responses. There's a lot to chew on here.

Polly/Heather, thank you for your fair and respectful advice, and thank you for helping to sort through the complexities without letting me off the hook. I have sort of been fantasizing that someone would just instruct me on The Right Thing To Do, or that I will magically be offered a fabulous, well-paying job in a distant city and I will have no choice but to hit the road. But as xarissa and nbonwe pointed out, the honorable path is clearly to make the decision together.

Do_Go_On, thank you for your practical perspective. A week or two of solo travel or retreat sounds like a really good idea. It also seems very wise to hang in here at least until my school/career transition has reached equilibrium.

I should clarify that the home-ownership situation is pretty well defined in the deed and mortgage – when we built the house, we instructed our lawyer to make it as easy as possible in case of a split or death. The land was a gift from his family, who wanted to retain some equity in the land in case of a death or split, while he and I each have a half-share of both equity and debt on the actual house. He and his family would be required to buy me out. Lawyers would be involved, but it wouldn't be the end of the world, just a protracted headache.

Speaking of headaches, the husband in question is currently traveling for work, as he does occasionally; although the logistics of school/work/daycare/food/pets/bedtime are crazy when he's away, I'm noticing that I'm so much more relaxed. Not in a farting-in-my-sweatpants kind of way, in a deep peaceful weight-off-my-shoulders way. Yes, I would miss this life a whole lot. Yes, I can imagine wanting the best for each and all three of us.

Thanks again, all.

CF (#241,541)

Having been raised by people who had a bad divorce that ended in a substantial negative attachment—as in my father couldn't let go of his hatred of my mother though she played her role in various ways oh boy did she ever as her multiple subsequent breakups showed—I'm glad to hear that the LW is attentive to those issues with regards to her daughter. It is very much in her innocent daughter's interest for her parents to be amicable, even if they split. If she wants her daughter not to have to go through years of therapy and possibly come out the other side not wanting to talk to her parents again, do things right, whatever they are.

All that said, I used to profoundly wish my parents could have stayed together. Then I saw couples that were unhappy with enmeshed kids who as adults are still part of their games… ugh.

hmmmmm…..i hear ya. Well, I think Polly has a lot of great advice and she has given you lots of options….To me, at it's core is that you were 15 when you bonded….the mind/brain changes around 22 or so and new priorities pop up or present themselves. The good news is that you are 30. You are young. I say move on if you think it is a no go with him….I might show him your letter to Polly and lay it all out there….let him read it and think on it for a while…..a few weeks, a month, several months…he will come back to you about how he feels. You have your whole life ahead of you….give him one more chance…show this to him.

Rose@twitter (#241,764)

There's a LOT of really good advice and info in this thread and in the original response by Polly. I'd like to recommend a super good book on this topic: Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch. It's all about how we're *never* ready to be married when we get married — being married *makes* us ready; and about how we start out at the same "level" emotionally, in nearly all marriages, but that sometimes one or the other person jumps out ahead, and that's okay, but has to be dealt with somehow. It's a huge amount to consider, and very well-written. It has several example relationships in it that went through various kinds of problems — in some, the folks are in their 50s and have been married 30 years. Good luck to the OP, and to anyone else trying to cope with all these kinds of issues.

TonyJ (#242,772)

Dear Torn: The theme of your emotional appeal is not “I’m unhappy in my marriage,” but rather “I don’t trust my own judgment, then or now.” That is a far more compelling issue than your pleasure and satisfaction in your marriage. It reflects an underlying doubt not so much about your husband as about yourself. That fact would suggest that you are looking more for “someone please give me a failsafe assurance that dumping my husband will result in a situation that makes me feel better about myself,” rather than “I am a secure woman with a healthy skepticism about my choices, looking for some input about how to assess a relationship none of you can possibly understand without about 30 more pages of accurate, independent, description.”

I am a 3 times married husband, age 62, ecstatically happy the third time after 10 years of marriage. My experience of realizing I made a mistake in my first marriage while standing at the altar was similar to yours. My experience of being married to a perfectly nice woman, who bored the hell out of me and was more interested in Agatha Christie than sex, sounds similar, as well as leaving my first wife exactly at the 15 year mark. But I made a mistake. I left for another woman. I went from an “emotionally safe” place to another I perceived to be a rosy and ecstatic partnership: intellectually stimulating and emotionally safe. It was a disaster for myself and my children (attempted suicide and more, just know it was a manifestly bad choice). I matured and began to know myself in large part because of that astoundingly poor choice and the agony it caused for a lot of people, and a few other poor choices following, and did not begin to think straight and trust my judgment until my late 40's. Don’t say “typical of a man.” It’s typical of people. It would be nice to acquire trust in yourself and matured judgment with maybe a less catastrophic "learning experience" than a series of abortive relationships.

Had I stayed with my first wife and made the best of it, I would have been ok, I suppose, and sublimated and possibly been extremely accomplished as a result. We would have been married and lived together “adequately” over 40 years now and, frankly, I feel sure there would be a great many good memories to share. She is a good woman and we’re great friends now (after a year or two of being treated like the arrogant cad I was), though I can’t imagine being married to her now. The second wife was not just boring but intentionally harmful, malicious and hateful to my children. So the grass ain’t necessarily greener, as you know.

1. You got good advice. Don’t leave for another man. And don’t start an affair. Take it from one who knows: living a double lie rots your soul. And any man that would cheat with you, will cheat on you. Choosing to leave your man for another man replaces one hazy conception, of this marriage, with another, a dimly-perceived gilt-edged (double-entendre intended) vision of the future with the new man, and neither is nor will be accurate.
2. The bigger issue here is knowing and believing in yourself. Your self-doubt sounds crippling. Maybe not, or course. But it sounds like focusing on why don’t trust your own judgment needs some attention. Maybe you’re right not to trust your judgment, or, contrariwise, maybe a seed was planted early in your life that you should not trust your judgment and the doubt in yourself is not valid and you ought to trust your instincts. Trusting yourself is a hell of a lot easier way to live.
3. My belief is that you absolutely “know” when a relationship is wrong. You “knew” it going in. Do you know it now? Are the problems merely a close call in the ratio of good and satisfying transactions to unpleasant transactions (which should be a lot better than 50/50!). Can you tip the ratio? There will be problems in any new relationship; just different ones. I’m ecstatic in this relationship because the good/bad transactions ratio is maybe 8/2, which I would say is a home run, even if not perfect.
4. If you leave, be sure you're leaving because you'd rather be alone with your child, and you’re willing to deal with all that entails without including a new relationship, which, trust me, only makes things 10 times more difficult. There is no such thing as a fully-appreciated and fulfilled step-mom or step-father.
5. Be the woman the man you would want, would want. Be worthy of love from the man you ideally believe you should have. Be that woman; demand it of yourself, and by example, demand it of your partner. Your primary commitment in your relationship should be to contribute to his well-being, and he should have the reciprocal commitment. Can that be engendered between you? Is it really the case and you just don't "feel" it now? Is he worthy? Are you? Is this relationship therefore worth fertilizing and believing in?

Best of luck. There are no right choices. Wherever you go, there you are. So be sure you’ll be happy with you whatever is the choice you make. TonyJ

AJF (#242,956)

Wow I could have written this letter. I've been married almost 19 years. We got married right after I graduated college (like less than a month later), so I went from my parent's house to being married.
We have one child, but I realize that I'm just not in love with him anymore. Sex is non-existent, and the thing that bothers me, is that it DOESN"T bother me. I just don't want HIM anymore. He's a decent person, but we've grown apart. I'm just too chicken to actually ask for a divorce – not because of violence, but because it represents failure, and im just not good at the difficult conversations – we just don't communicate well.

Thanks for the above posters for all of the practical advice.

Niini (#245,783)

I'm so greatful to have seen this post and the incredibly wise and realistic answer from Polly. Other posters have given great advice too. I'm in a similar situation. Very, very similar, except that I have made the grave mistake mentioned here: Because I've felt so empty in our marriage, I've reached out to the guy who I now feel I should have married in the first place. The one who's every single cell I wanted to suck into me and become one with, the one I felt so passionate about, but the guy who the smart reasonable twenty something -me ditched as the not as secure choice. So I married the guy who felt safe and I could imagine a realistic future with.
And very realistic it has become. We have an incredible house, secure future, happy kids, very cool marriage, sex once a month, no big fights anymore, I have adjusted to the separate lives we lead, sick of feeling sorry that we never spend any time together, and just started to make my own life happy with friends…
But man do I yearn for true love and I'm really scared of growing old feeling this empty, or having to take care of a husband who shits on himself at the end of life and you haven't even experienced this passion with him ever… And I feel like damn, I really want to be an old lady with an old man who are still in love with every cell, wanting to be together, wanting to touch each other….
Nothing besides emails and chats has happened with the other guy, and now your advice really makes me think twice about having an affair for fullfilling my empty soul, and ok, i admit an orgasm would be nice too…and messing up tree people plus the kids with that… So I'm trying to think outside the other guy, would I still want to divorce my husband if I didn't have the other guy available… I know I still would be lonely in the everyday life and lonely in the bedroom… But… Yeah, its so really hard. Thanks for this post though, everywhere else you read about these poor women who get cheated on and beaten, and this makes you feel like such a picky bitch for wanting to be "fulfilled"
Besides trying not to get into the affair mess, I will take the advice of women's retreat! After dedicating 8 years for my kids, I should give myself some space, maybe if I learned how to orgasm, and not blame my husband for my problems…

HI My Name is Jennifer , I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called dr ABULU of( abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost family to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called James we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give he a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get he back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) then you wont believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother a baby girl, thank you once again the great ABULU for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact he today on his mail (abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com or his website, http://abuluspiritualtemple.webs.com and he will also help you as well.

Paul Mark@facebook (#246,752)

Hi My name is "MARK" just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage.because i really love lilian so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 7years with lilian and 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn't want to loose her but everything just didn't work out… she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it… You can email him via ekpensolutionspellcasting@gmail.com Don't give up just yet, the different between "Ordinary" & "Extra-Ordinary" is the "Extra" so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it's truly worth it.

Baba Ukaka@facebook (#245,095)

MY NAME IS Guillaume Soulez FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN DECEMBER LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER LOOKING FOR SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU, BRING BACK LOST MONEY AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO TEXAS, MY BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO… WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: freedomlovespell@hotmail.com ……HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT. HURRY NOW AND CONTACT HIM NOW VIA EMAIL ADDRESS> freedomlovespell@hotmail.com

Baba Ukaka@facebook (#245,095)

My name is James Tamblyn, i leave in UK, my girlfriend and i have been together
for over 6 years now, in the last few weeks i have been having problems
with her, I do love this woman a lot and do want to get married to her but
at times i did feel a little confused about this and has wondered if she
has been true to the relationship…until i found king son, who told me
that she was not being true with me..I did later find out that she has been
seeing her ex boyfriend I was devastated and did not know what to do,
although I still loved her and could not see myself with anyone else, I did
not want to lose her and king son assured me that they could help me with
this problem, he told me about a spell caster Dr UKAKA i decided to give
it a trier so I contacted freedomlovespell@hotmail.com once again to let
him know that I did want to get help with this. With the powers that they
do have my girlfriend and I did work a lot of things out and she has came
back to me and we are now back together and engaged I did get over the fact
that she has cheated on me but sometimes we do need to forget the past and
move on to a better future and without king son' help I don't think it
would have ever worked out.he is truly an Angel sent from up above!

Baba Ukaka@facebook (#245,095)

MY NAME IS Sarah Scarfe FROM CANADA,I WANT TO TESTIFY OF WHAT A STRONG PROPHET DID FOR ME. I MY HUSBAND LEFT ME AFTER 9 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. IT WAS SO DEVASTATING UNTIL I MEET THIS SPELL CASTER WHO SAID HE COULD DO ANYTHING ANY MAN COULD THINK ABOUT I TOLD HIM ABOUT MY CONDITION AND HE ONLY ASKED FOR MY HUSBANDS DETAILS AND AFTER THREE DAYS HE CAME BEGGING. WE HAVE RENEWED OUR WEDDING VOWS AND ALL THANKS TO THE GREAT SPIRITUALIST DR UKAKA YOU CAN CONTACT HIM ON freedomlovespell@hotmail.com

Baba Ukaka@facebook (#245,095)

Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart.
That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with him again. all thanks to DR UKAKA, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how DR UKAKA could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: freedomlovespell@hotmail.com. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live.

Misrak Feleke

My name is Alisha williams from UNITED STATES i want to testify how priest sango brought back my lover to me with the help of his powerful love spell i am now happy

with the one i really love, if you are in any kind of problem please contact priest sango on his email: sangotemple@gmail.com or you can still reach him on his phone

number on +2348160441007

call priest sango for any kind of spell on +2348160441007

Thanks to Dr oshogum for all he have for me I STEPHEN MOEL from Spain. i am
really pleased with this service. I am one of those people who said,“I’ll
never call a psychic or a magician or whatever” to help me with my problems
– least of all my love problems, but I reached the point where I knew I
needed some guidance, and I’m so glad I found this website where a lady
testify of Dr Oshogum good Almighty work. I never in a million years would
have thought I’d be writing a letter like this, but when I nearly lost my
live and my marriage due to inability to satisfied my wife because of my
illness, thought I had lost everything. And i was so desperate to do any
just to save my marriage i contacted Dr oshogum with my problems, he advice
and he gave me the necessary thing that the gods needed from to cast the
spell, two days after the spell i went for text and my diabetics and low
spam count where regulated. Dr oshogum did another spell for to make my
wife love me like never before and bring her back to me. i am this happy to
share my testimony because he didn’t take advantage of me. he performed a
very good service with out hidden charges or any future effect. I don’t
know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know , now me and
my wife are happily back together with two kids, and I’ll always be
grateful for . Dr GREAT oshogum for your kindness,
sympathy, and extension of services to me in a real time of
need. thank you Dr great oshogum. YOU CAN CALL HIM WITH +2348189075265 OR
Contact him via EMAIL OSHOGUMSPELLTEMPLE@LIVE.COM. Sincerely,
posted by STEPHEN MOEL.

my boyfriend of two years let me for another girl because i accuse him of seen another girl and since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me,he was not responding to my call or email and he even unfriend me in facebook and he told me that he is done with me.i was searching on the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and i explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of 2days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise the third day a great miracle fell on me and my ex come back to me on the two days and he beg me for forgivenes, i will continue to publish his name because he is my Savior and we are about to get married.if you need him to help you Email ogalalovespell@gmail.com

My mouth is full of testimonies, Am BRANDY my husband left the home for three years to SPAIN for a tourist, where he meant this lady and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called DR UBA and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. He told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 2 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i am so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. DR UBA if you need any help you can contact him with this email address ubaspelltemple@gmail.com

Lopez Mara@facebook (#250,778)

I want to thank Dr.Kumar for getting my lover back to me within 48hours.When my lover left me i was so tired and frustrated till i search the internet for help and i saw so many good talk about Dr Kumar of spellcasttemple@gmail.com and i decided to give him a try and i contact him and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for my which i use to get my husband back.If you want to get your lover back contact Dr.Kumar via email: spellcasttemple@gmail.com Dr.Kumar the great man that is able to bring back lost love.

I PROMISE TO SHELL THE TESTIMONY

I WANT TO QUICKLY USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TO ME WHO CAST A SPELL FOR ME TO GET MY LOVER BACK. MY LOVER LEFT ME AND RUN AFTER ANOTHER GIRL, HE CLAIMED HE WAS NO LONGER FEELING OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE BLOCKED ME OFF HIS PHONE AND MAIL. I TRIED ALL I COULD TO GET HIM BACK, BUT TO NO AVAIL. 3 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTERS DECEIVED ME AND GO AWAY WITH MY MONEY AND DID NOTHING FOR ME. A FRIEND WHOM PRINCE AYAWU HAS HELPED BEFORE GAVE ME HIS CONTACT AND ASSURE ME OF POSITIVE RESULT. I WAS ACTUALLY CONFUSED AND SCARED BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE ANY MORE MONEY. SHE ENCOURAGE ME TO GIVE A TRY, I DECIDED TO GIVE MY LAST TRY, TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, PRINCE AYAWU CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND MY LOVER CONTACTED ME IN LESS THAN 48HOURS AND HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK LOOKING FOR ME. HE PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ME AND NOW WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3WEEKS TIME. THANKS TO YOU PRINCE AYAWU, I WILL FOR EVER REMAIN GRATEFUL TO YOU. I ADVICE ANY ONE SEEKING FOR A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER NOT TO WASTE ANY MONEY OR TIME WITH FAKE SPELL CASTERS, JUST GO STRAIGHT TO PRINCE AYAWU NOW, HIS CONTACT EMAIL IS TEMPLEOFGREATNESS@GMAIL.COM, I AM 100% SURE HE WILL HELP YOU TOO. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SIR, YOU ARE REALLY AS GREAT AS MY FRIEND TOLD ME am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great KUVUKI for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:
1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money

Hello friends,my name is EMILIO i want to give thanks to the great OZALOGBO who helped me allot in getting back my love and also helped me in my financial problem.i was in relationship with ANTHONIA both of us lived together in love and in happiness, suddenly she just work up one morning telling me that she is sick and tired of me i was so shocked and confused cause i never did anything wrong to her still i had to plead to her because i love her so much, but she still insisted to breakup with me, i tried all i could to get her back but it was not possible, after she left i was some how financially down i did not know what happened to my finance, so i decided to contact some spell casters which happens to be scams, i was frustrated then decided not to contact any spell caster again, one day i was watching a show when i saw a woman named TINA was giving testimony on how this great man named Dr OZALOGBO helped her in getting back her lover within 24 hours so that was how i decided to give a try and i contacted Dr OZALOGBO and told him about how she left me and my finance,the only thing he said was that i my lover will come back to me and my finance will come up again, that he is going to do all within 24 hours, so just decided to watch and see. in the next 24 hours which he said i got a call from her and she was pleading to me that she is very sorry for what she did to me, the most surprising thing was that the job i applied for in a company for almost 4 months, they just called and told me that i should come and start the work that am capable of doing the job, i was so surprised a tears of joy rolled down from my eyes,i was very very happy and she just came to my house and she started pleading to me, so i accepted her apology and now we are living happily together now, and am working in the company now am happy again. all thanks to Dr OZALOGBO for helping me and for making my dream to come through. for help and for appreciation you can contact Dr OZALOGBO through ozalogboshrine@gmail.com

Hello friends,my name is EMILIO i want to give thanks to the great OZALOGBO who helped me allot in getting back my love and also helped me in my financial problem.i was in relationship with ANTHONIA both of us lived together in love and in happiness, suddenly she just work up one morning telling me that she is sick and tired of me i was so shocked and confused cause i never did anything wrong to her still i had to plead to her because i love her so much, but she still insisted to breakup with me, i tried all i could to get her back but it was not possible, after she left i was some how financially down i did not know what happened to my finance, so i decided to contact some spell casters which happens to be scams, i was frustrated then decided not to contact any spell caster again, one day i was watching a show when i saw a woman named TINA was giving testimony on how this great man named Dr OZALOGBO helped her in getting back her lover within 24 hours so that was how i decided to give a try and i contacted Dr OZALOGBO and told him about how she left me and my finance,the only thing he said was that i my lover will come back to me and my finance will come up again, that he is going to do all within 24 hours, so just decided to watch and see. in the next 24 hours which he said i got a call from her and she was pleading to me that she is very sorry for what she did to me, the most surprising thing was that the job i applied for in a company for almost 4 months, they just called and told me that i should come and start the work that am capable of doing the job, i was so surprised a tears of joy rolled down from my eyes,i was very very happy and she just came to my house and she started pleading to me, so i accepted her apology and now we are living happily together now, and am working in the company now am happy again. all thanks to Dr OZALOGBO for helping me and for making my dream to come through. for help and for appreciation you can contact Dr OZALOGBO through ozalogboshrine@gmail.com

Hello friends,my name is EMILIO i want to give thanks to the great OZALOGBO who helped me allot in getting back my love and also helped me in my financial problem.i was in relationship with ANTHONIA both of us lived together in love and in happiness, suddenly she just work up one morning telling me that she is sick and tired of me i was so shocked and confused cause i never did anything wrong to her still i had to plead to her because i love her so much, but she still insisted to breakup with me, i tried all i could to get her back but it was not possible, after she left i was some how financially down i did not know what happened to my finance, so i decided to contact some spell casters which happens to be scams, i was frustrated then decided not to contact any spell caster again, one day i was watching a show when i saw a woman named TINA was giving testimony on how this great man named Dr OZALOGBO helped her in getting back her lover within 24 hours so that was how i decided to give a try and i contacted Dr OZALOGBO and told him about how she left me and my finance,the only thing he said was that i my lover will come back to me and my finance will come up again, that he is going to do all within 24 hours, so just decided to watch and see. in the next 24 hours which he said i got a call from her and she was pleading to me that she is very sorry for what she did to me, the most surprising thing was that the job i applied for in a company for almost 4 months, they just called and told me that i should come and start the work that am capable of doing the job, i was so surprised a tears of joy rolled down from my eyes,i was very very happy and she just came to my house and she started pleading to me, so i accepted her apology and now we are living happily together now, and am working in the company now am happy again. all thanks to Dr OZALOGBO for helping me and for making my dream to come through. for help and for appreciation you can contact Dr OZALOGBO through ozalogboshrine@gmail.com

Hello friends,my name is EMILIO i want to give thanks to the great OZALOGBO who helped me allot in getting back my love and also helped me in my financial problem.i was in relationship with ANTHONIA both of us lived together in love and in happiness, suddenly she just work up one morning telling me that she is sick and tired of me i was so shocked and confused cause i never did anything wrong to her still i had to plead to her because i love her so much, but she still insisted to breakup with me, i tried all i could to get her back but it was not possible, after she left i was some how financially down i did not know what happened to my finance, so i decided to contact some spell casters which happens to be scams, i was frustrated then decided not to contact any spell caster again, one day i was watching a show when i saw a woman named TINA was giving testimony on how this great man named Dr OZALOGBO helped her in getting back her lover within 24 hours so that was how i decided to give a try and i contacted Dr OZALOGBO and told him about how she left me and my finance,the only thing he said was that i my lover will come back to me and my finance will come up again, that he is going to do all within 24 hours, so just decided to watch and see. in the next 24 hours which he said i got a call from her and she was pleading to me that she is very sorry for what she did to me, the most surprising thing was that the job i applied for in a company for almost 4 months, they just called and told me that i should come and start the work that am capable of doing the job, i was so surprised a tears of joy rolled down from my eyes,i was very very happy and she just came to my house and she started pleading to me, so i accepted her apology and now we are living happily together now, and am working in the company now am happy again. all thanks to Dr OZALOGBO for helping me and for making my dream to come through. for help and for appreciation you can contact Dr OZALOGBO through ozalogboshrine@gmail.com

I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another woman. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help.And i saw a testimony of a spell caster who help a girl called michelle and i said let me give it a try so i contact him for help and he cast a love spell for me which i use in getting my love back and now i am a happy woman.For what you have done for me,i will not stop to share your goodness to people out there for the good work you are doing.I hope God blesses you as much as you have help me to get my Love back,visit him on oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com is the only answer to your problemS
EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

i am sharing my testimony to everyone that has tried everything possible and had lost hope on how they can get their ex back, i want you all to know that their is one man called Dr. Kuma that work for me and after 2days of his spell. my ex came back to me without any delay, i am really happy now that we are together again and we are living happily with so much love and respect for each other, so i will advise everyone to ask for this same man's help so that you can be happy again and make your dreams and wishes you have with your ex come true. via kumalovespell@gmail.com he can help you without any delay.

Hello friends i want to share my testimony and how greatful i'm since my lover came back
to me because of the grate help Dr malaw
racum whose email address is spellofsolutiontemple@gmail.com render to me. my boyfriend broke up with me first week of july this year because he thought i was cheating on him, he told me that his friends has been telling him that i have been seeing someone else when he is not around i tried to make him understand that his friends are lieing to him but he did not give me the chance to explain to him this was how he left me. after a month of our breakup i tried to live a normal life without him but it was very hard for me to cope then i decided to contact dr malawi racum via his mobile number +2348072371282 and his email address spellofsolutiontemple@gmail.com which i came accross this months september 12th during my search looking for help how to get my lover back he cast a love spell for me and make my lover to come back to me within the period of 48hours. with this grate joy in my heart i want to say a big thanks to Dr malaw racum he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution.

Hello friends i want to share my testimony and how greatful i'm since my lover came back
to me because of the grate help Dr malaw
racum whose email address is spellofsolutiontemple@gmail.com render to me. my boyfriend broke up with me first week of july this year because he thought i was cheating on him, he told me that his friends has been telling him that i have been seeing someone else when he is not around i tried to make him understand that his friends are lieing to him but he did not give me the chance to explain to him this was how he left me. after a month of our breakup i tried to live a normal life without him but it was very hard for me to cope then i decided to contact dr malawi racum via his mobile number +2348072371282 and his email address spellofsolutiontemple@gmail.com which i came accross this months september 12th during my search looking for help how to get my lover back he cast a love spell for me and make my lover to come back to me within the period of 48hours. with this grate joy in my heart i want to say a big thanks to Dr malaw racum he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution.

Sophia Cranor (#259,747)

Hello to you all on this site it brings me so much joy and happiness today so i decided to share my happiness and testimony to you all,my name is Sophia am from New York am 52 years old i married to Mr George Cranor he is north America we have 3 grown up children and grandchildren,2 years ago my husband said he needs a divorce that he is no longer interested in the marriage that was how my husband left me with the children and moved to another state with his new girlfriend, i travel to with a friend to visit his husband for Christmas celebration getting there i came across a powerful spell caster who help people to fix their broken marriage and relationship and get ex lover back,the spell caster is called DOCTOR OBALLA he is very powerful he cast a spell for me and he said to me that i should return to my country my husband is waiting for me at home,when i came back to New York i meant my husband with the children waiting for my arrival my husband apologize to me and we are happily married now am very happy i will never forget this powerful spell cater,if you also need his help contact him now with this email: oballaspelltemple@hotmail.com

Greeting to any body that is reading my comment, All Thanks goes to DR OLOKUM, i was married to my husband, and we were living fine and happy. it come to an extend that my husband that use to love and care for me, those not have my time again, until i fined at that he was having an affair with another woman, i try to stop him,all my effort was in-vain sadly he divorce me and went for the woman. he live me with two of our kids, i cry all day, i was in pains, sorrow and looking for help. i was reading a news paper, i saw how dr. trust help people with his love and reuniting spell. so i decided to contact him and explain my problem to him, he did a love spell that make my husband to come back to me and our kids and never think of the woman. this man is god sent to restore heart break and reunite relationship. may the lord be your strength and continue to use you to save people relationship and any problem they encounter contact him for help LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM i promise you that you, he will but a smile on your face and make you feel happy. good luck.

I never beleive on love spells until i met a friend of my who told me everything about DR.OLUBAM who brought her ex-boyfriend back, even when she was telling me i did beleive her because i thought that she also wanted the same fake spell casters to take away my money. Although i gave her chance to explain everything she has to tell me about DR.OLUBAM, i said to her that there are many scammers who want to take our money and i will never fall victim on them, even though my fiancee who suppose to marry to me in a few months from now left me i will wait patiently for another guy though i loved him so much. she told me that this DR is not a fake one that he is real and he has helped many people to get thier loved ones back, then i ask her so how does this spell work and what is the requirements that i have to do before he can cast the love spells on me? she told me that i should emailed him on DR.OLUBAMSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM and i should tell him what i want. i really emailed him and tell him that i need my ex guy back and he told me that my friend directed her to me right, and also why am i doubting his work? he said that his work is 100% sure and guarantee that no one has ever come to his temple and also remain the same. i became flabbergasted on his words he say to me and a thought came to my mind that how does this dr know all the things we discussed earlier. he said before he can commence on my situation, that i have to have faith and trust on him and leave other spell caster and wait patiently for his own that if i can say do all this i will got my lover back in an hour time. i said okay i beleive and promise to work with you alone, then he gave me a form to fill which i did and send it to him with my pictures also and also the pictures of my ex-lover. he replied me in 30 minutes later and told me that his gods need some items to cast the spell on me and my problem is very easy if i can provide these items. then when i ask him that how can i get these items and how can i send it to him for the casting of the love spell, he told me that i should not woory about that, that there is a items seller here in his own country that can get the items for me. then i ask him how much will it cost me to buy all these items? he said $150 (dollars) only, which i send to him with full confidence, after an hour later he called me and told me that my problem have been solved that i should wait for an hour time that my love will ask after me which i did according to his words, when it was about 6pm my ex called me that if am at home that he want to see me urgently. i said to him hoped all is well he said yes then i told him that he can come, my ex guy came back to me and he was asking for forgiveness that he did know what came upon him. right now am so happy because i have regain my lover back and we are planning for our wedding that is coming up soon, i called the dr and thank him very much and ask him what will i do for him as a appreciation, he told me i should forget and keep my money that he is not after people money but to help people that also need help out there all he need me to do is to give more testimonies about him so that people out there who need help should email him also thats why am here today to give my testimony. may thy good lord continue to bless him and give him more long life prosperity and wisdom. this is the dr email address DR.OLUBAMSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM CALL HIM AT +2348125943237 thanks.
REGARDS!!!
FROM MISS KATRINA FROM USA MY EMAIL NELLYMOLLY333@GMAIL.COM

I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband ment his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come's back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to Dr.Eze.malaca whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fulfilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was cast they quarrelled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email (Eze.malacaspelltemple@yahoo.com) his spells are pure and very powerful without any doubt. call +2348163395533

I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband ment his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come's back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to Dr.Eze.malaca whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fulfilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was cast they quarrelled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email (Eze.malacaspelltemple@yahoo.com) his spells are pure and very powerful without any doubt. call +2348163395533

My name is veronica from Canada I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is still unbelievable to me until now. I had a problem with my husband 5years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem, his name is Dr ADE. I email Dr ADE the spell caster and i told him my problem and, i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband called me and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and i was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy. Thanks to Dr ADE for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work sir, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (adespelltemple@gmail.com) or call his mobile number +2348156784928 you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too.(adespelltemple@gmail.com).

My name is veronica from Canada I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is still unbelievable to me until now. I had a problem with my husband 5years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem, his name is Dr ADE. I email Dr ADE the spell caster and i told him my problem and, i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband called me and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and i was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy. Thanks to Dr ADE for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work sir, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (adespelltemple@gmail.com) or call his mobile number +2348156784928 you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too.(adespelltemple@gmail.com).

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