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The Brad Pitt Bed: "Ziricote with farm raised stingray skins and nickel details"
"Available in Ziricote, Macassar ebony, Ceylon satinwood, Amboyna burl, Olive ash burl, Macassar ebony with diamond pattern inlays, hand laid eggshell, goatskin, and stingray skin." (More LOLs here and here.)
I hope the farm-raised stingrays are humanely clubbed to death with baby seals.
@BadUncle Lovingly smothered by a holistic practitioner at their family's request.
Ce n'est pas un lit.
Nothing's Spalted
@hman – burl, according to wikipedia, "is caused by an injury, virus or fungus" and as such is as close to spalted as you're going to get in a non-maple wood.
Every time Brad Pitt appears in Architectural Digest, the terrorists win