We had a great idea for a “group costume” you could do with some friends from work or the therapy group or whatever, but a quick yet exhaustive search on eBay shows there are no Halloween masks for Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Herman Cain or the rest of them (the “other Mormon,” Buddy somebody?). Other than the actual candidate, Mitt Romney, the only GOP Primary figure available in weird rubber mask format is Newt Gingrich. And his mask dates back to when he was Speaker of the House, in the 1990s, and people otherwise uninterested in politics were briefly fascinated by the whole Clinton impeachment thing, because it involved blowjobs.
Just add an ill-fitting suit and a handful of Newt Gingrich books from the remainders bin, and you’re ready for a night of … well not “fun,” exactly, but something. Something weird and sinister, like Halloween itself.
It’s a little bit sad that these once beloved news characters are forgotten so quickly. Think of all the emotional involvement people supposedly had with Herman Cain. And then whoosh, even if there was a Herman Cain mask, people would have no idea who you were supposed to be. “Eddie Murphy from Bowfinger? Great movie, which one is Steve Martin?”
And then you could nod to the person in the Newt Gingrich mask and say, “That one. That one is Steve Martin.”