Monday, October 15th, 2012

Lack Of GOP Primary Rubber Masks Ruins Bad Group Costume Idea

Good for having sex with your employees, too!We had a great idea for a "group costume" you could do with some friends from work or the therapy group or whatever, but a quick yet exhaustive search on eBay shows there are no Halloween masks for Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Herman Cain or the rest of them (the "other Mormon," Buddy somebody?). Other than the actual candidate, Mitt Romney, the only GOP Primary figure available in weird rubber mask format is Newt Gingrich. And his mask dates back to when he was Speaker of the House, in the 1990s, and people otherwise uninterested in politics were briefly fascinated by the whole Clinton impeachment thing, because it involved blowjobs.

Just add an ill-fitting suit and a handful of Newt Gingrich books from the remainders bin, and you're ready for a night of … well not "fun," exactly, but something. Something weird and sinister, like Halloween itself.

It's a little bit sad that these once beloved news characters are forgotten so quickly. Think of all the emotional involvement people supposedly had with Herman Cain. And then whoosh, even if there was a Herman Cain mask, people would have no idea who you were supposed to be. "Eddie Murphy from Bowfinger? Great movie, which one is Steve Martin?"

And then you could nod to the person in the Newt Gingrich mask and say, "That one. That one is Steve Martin."

Didn't he have like a 40 point lead over Barack Obama at one point?

7 Comments / Post A Comment

jolie (#16)

What's happened to this country? When I was a youngster, people took PRIDE in producing cruddy political masks.

Democritus NOW! (#238,594)

For Halloween this year, I should like to sit alone in a hotel lobby wearing this mask.

Cap'n Fatback (#238,686)

@not that Dewey Should you wear this mask; you'll have little choice but to sit alone.

CraisinHell_a (#238,657)

No… he'll have plenty of company in the lobby who are intrigued enough to look twice at the mask over his face.
It's the pickled hearts that his alter-Newtpersona is offering from a service tray in his lap that keeps others away, and therefore, alone.

Cap'n Fatback (#238,686)

@CraisinHell_a Who are we kidding? Newt could never be alone. Long before he divorces the sickly populace of this hotel lobby, he'll have had struck up an affair with the lobby folk of the newer hotel down the street.

PoignancySelz (#238,693)

I wouldn't take a shit in that mask.

C_R_Eature (#238,695)

None of these masks are Halloween-Worthy. The full-head latex Nixon mask, now THAT is genuinely worthwhile.

I'd like to get 25-30 people to follow Romney and/or Ryan around for their photo ops, to stand behind them and whip those masks on at the very last possible moment. Hell, I'd even spring for the masks.

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