Tuesday, September 25th, 2012

Burn It Down: The New Terrible Million-Dollar Brooklyn Apartment

Thar she blows! How much would you pay for an apartment in Carroll Gardens that is basically two unattractive low-ceilinged rooms on a "ground floor" plus a walk-in closet (or cozy "home office"), with a (truly) big backyard and 16 by 11 feet of storage in the basement? If you said $1,095,000, then you are 1. correct and 2. INSANE.

If you put 30% down (and WHY WOULD YOU, THAT IS MORE THAN $300K), then your mortgage and maintenance and taxes are a grand total of $5000 a month, because, oh yes, the taxes are $700 a month.

This is it. This is Peak Apartment. It's all over. Everyone bought everything in Brooklyn because the interest rates were phenomenally low and there is nothing left except million-dollar apartments that you might not pay a million dollars for in Manhattan. This town needs a real estate crash. Everyone to Staten Island.

17 Comments / Post A Comment

MichelleDean (#7,041)

Choire you can come live in Astoria. Where, I note, there is a sudden sales crunch, according to the broker I randomly encountered in a grocery store yesterday. GET IN ON YOUR UGLY FEDDERS CONDO WHILE THE GOING IS GOOD.

Bobby Womack (#4,074)

@MichelleDean I moved to Astoria when I started splitting my time between two cities and couldn't afford my place on the UWS on top of the second apartment elsewhere. I regret my decision every single day!

Mount_Prion (#290)

I honestly don't find this so insane. Having a back yard and a basement in NYC is pretty uncommon.
Also, if I lived there it'd be 15 by 10 feet of HUGE FISH TANK in the basement.

NOTE–I am, admittedly, part of the problem.

ejcsanfran (#489)

Nothing says a million-dollars like bars on the windows.

Dave Bry (#422)

No need to burn it down as it will probably collapse soon on its own.

hershmire (#233,671)

The wealthy are moving back from their country retreats; and we shall be forced to squat in suburban ruins.

But that's only like $1,000/sq.ft.!

Bah. You could get that in Rochester for losing at cards.

Also in this limited case I think it would be appropriate to bust out the Dreaded ExP. To wit: "Everyone to Staten Island!"

KenWheaton (#401)

I hear that Choire's got a bid in on this place and is just trying to talk the price down.

alorsenfants (#139)

It's too early in the day to expect anything clever out of the likes of me, but I must say you are Cracking Me Up!

City_Dater (#2,500)

Maybe I've lived uptown too long, but all I can think of when I see that back garden is going out there every Sunday morning to throw away the Corona bottles and plastic Solo cups flung over the fence by the shitty neighbors on either side.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

@City_Dater And from above, too! Remember, this is just an apartment not a whole house.

BadUncle (#153)

Maybe I'm misreading this. But it seems there are three patios adjacent to one another. sort of like layers of atmosphere. And I'm pretty sure that if I bought one of those, I'd put in a pony.

La Cieca (#1,110)

I keep saying "Sunnyside" over and over again, but people just don't listen.

gumplr (#66)

Only if the apartment is catered by Frankie's.

Myrtle (#9,838)

Curious if this is the neighborhoods one could see in the "Welcome Back Kotter" show open?

I so despise these articles that assume Brooklyn is essentially only Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens, Park Slope and Brooklyn Heights. There are a few dozen neighborhoods in Brooklyn, ranging from Bedford Stuvesant to Midwood. You can EASILY get an apartment much larger for half that price in a great neighborhood, and you don't need to go to Queens for them. My local realtor, for example: http://brooklynhearth.com/listings.php?type=Coop&sort=bedrooms

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