Thursday, August 9th, 2012

How to Not Work on Fridays

If you are working on Fridays in summer, you are a tool. That is the truth. But if you ARE working on Fridays in summer, and wondering how to change your life, well, we have the answer for you. Perhaps you spotted Flint Beamon, extolling the virtues of "not really working on Fridays" in the Styles section troll-a-thon today. It went like this: "Scanning the [Thompson Hotel] scene closely was Flint Beamon, 36, a director of events and lifestyle brands for a public relations company [N.B.: That firm is called PR Consulting] that gives its employees Fridays off in summer. He was there to network. 'People here are usually in the upper echelons in their industries,' said Mr. Beamon, who is a regular. 'I’ve struck business deals by the pool.'" So the real money, if we can tell you the secret, is Facebook spam-scam survey pyramid schemes. THE MORE YOU KNOW.

But seriously, young people. You know how you don't work on Fridays? JUST LEAVE. Close your laptop. Tell your boss you have "a thing." Unless you're paid by the hour, nobody should work on Fridays in summer, it's NOT AMERICAN. Stop cracking the whip on yourself for your boss, you're being a fool. JUST GO WALKABOUT. You're only young once, and winter is coming.

28 Comments / Post A Comment

Mount_Prion (#290)

Thank you, Choire Stark.

Granger Danger (#2,831)

@Mount_Prion You mean Choire Snow.

Mike Dang@twitter (#42,746)

I need you to remind me about this every Friday.

brianvan (#149)

Oh, man, that article seems to be specially tailored to push my previously-unknown CIA-implanted lethal assassin button. It just looks to me like a list of people to be put into Guantanamo. Rage! RAGE!

Well, as a note of comfort, no one else can stand these people, either.

@brianvan : DRONE STRIKE.

stuffisthings (#1,352)

@Gef the Talking Mongoose "The Internet's #2 lieutenant, 27, was killed today in an early-afternoon rooftop drone strike in a remote Manhattan-New Jersey border region, according to a Defense Department source. Fourteen other suspected assholes — defined by the Pentagon as men and women of blogging age who pay $14 for a vodka slushie — were also reported dead, and 36 iPads were destroyed in the blast."

hershmire (#233,671)

"The [vodka and Arnold Palmers] cost $14 each…"

Christ, I hate Manhattan.

City_Dater (#2,500)

I would pay a small sum to not have anything to do with these people, ever, and I'm probably not alone in this.
Which is no doubt how they all really make a living, no matter what they claim when interviewed.

@City_Dater I actually get PAID to avoid these people. By working on Fridays.

C_Webb (#855)

When I was 23, my weird little marketing company SERVED drinks on Friday afternoons in the summer — whiskey sours. So there.

jfruh (#713)

It's noon on Thursday and I haven't done any work today, so I'm going to go ahead and say I'm way ahead of all y'all!

cherrispryte (#444)

I'm taking various bits of the next 3 fridays off, in the pursuit of "heading towards the beach, eventually", so fuck yeah! fridays off!

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

It depends on what needs to be done at the time, but my Fridays are often a half-day: wake up half drunk, do things half-assed at half the speed, and leave halfway through the day.

stuffisthings (#1,352)

@whizz_dumb That actually comes out to a 6.25% day, mathematically. You're almost there!

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@stuffisthings The half drunk factor is not a constant throughout the day, and sobering up is logarithmic so it gets complicated, but your math is a pretty good conservative estimate.

Multiphasic (#411)

@whizz_dumb Back of the envelope math is even better when the envelope contains your UI statement.

melis (#1,854)

God bless publishing summer hours.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

YOLO makes me nervous but YOYO I can assure you is the truth.

Fuck this, I HAVE to work Fridays to fund your Social Security, you punks.

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)

Flint's lost his edge — he's getting slower.

deepomega (#1,720)

Just quit your job. You'll never have to work again!

Granger Danger (#2,831)

@deepomega Living the dream!

Leon (#6,596)

I'm totally in favor of all of the young people who are complaining about how hard it is to find a job just telling their bosses that they don't work on Fridays because they should be at Fort Tilden looking at the naked chests of whichever gender they prefer to ogle.

It just means I can start actually leaving on time each day, and still look like a better worker than them and get a bigger raise.

You guys, you should push for summer mondays too, when you don't come in until 2PM cuz "uggggh, my weekend was just too fun and I'm only young once I needed extra sleep."

stuffisthings (#1,352)

@Leon Saint-Jean Actually, what we have right now is not a recession at all — it's just young people getting an entire career's worth of summer Fridays in one lump sum.

DMcK (#5,027)

"Lifestyle branding", ugh, bring the meteors.

DMcK (#5,027)

@DMcK Also, you know who else works Fridays? NASA, BITCHES

Tully Mills (#6,486)

The dinosaurs went extinct when they stopped working on Fridays.

MagicPay@twitter (#243,586)

I don't think anyone likes to work on Fridays but if any of you are currently pursuing another job maybe you should try you can do things from home and get paid…

MagicPay – Accept Credit Cards on iPhone or Android

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