“The bizarre syndrome, first diagnosed in Miami, transforms its typically sane victim into a slobbering, raging, supernaturally strong menace hell-bent on self-destruction,” wrote the Miami New Times in 2010. “Excited Delirirum,” is a focus of inquiry the Department of Neurology at the University of Miami School of Medicine; identified in the 80s among cocaine users, it’s not necessarily drug-induced, but it sure helps (cocaine interferes with dopamine transportation in the brain, then things go haywire (technical term)). And then, next thing you know, you’re naked on the side of the highway, chewing off someone’s face: “After an officer approached… ‘The guy just stood, his head up like that, with pieces of flesh in his mouth. And he growled.'” OKAY. Don’t do drugs? And how was your weekend?