Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Man Still Typing

"I had to catch a train in Washington last week. The paved street in the traffic circle around Union Station was in such poor condition that I felt as though I was on a roller coaster. I traveled on the Amtrak Acela, our sorry excuse for a fast train, on which I had so many dropped calls on my cellphone that you’d have thought I was on a remote desert island, not traveling from Washington to New York City. When I got back to Union Station, the escalator in the parking garage was broken. Maybe you’ve gotten used to all this and have stopped noticing. I haven’t. Our country needs a renewal."
—It's like Tom Friedman lost a bet and had to write a parody of the stupidest Tom Friedman column anyone could imagine.

34 Comments / Post A Comment

Thank god for the quiet car. No cells. No Friedmans.

@NotAndersonCooper It never occurred to him that his wife just hangs up on him?

lbf (#2,343)

Don't be sad about the disrepair of Union Station, Tom Friedman! Just give it six more months, things are totally gonna have turned around by then! It's gonnn be a hella decisive six months, Tom Friedman!

Aloysius (#1,808)

"We need to weatherproof our American house — and fast — in order to ensure that America remains a rock of stability for the world."

We'll accomplish this twice as fast if we weatherproof the house with actual rocks. In this metaphor rocks = microchips. The world is flat, people.

@Aloysius Truly the man's grasp of metaphor is magnificent; his desert fucking island sure moves more than most.

Vera Knoop (#2,167)

@Aloysius How can we weatherproof the house if the walls have all fallen down and we've opened the windows?

drufus (#24,190)

#1 reason I will never pay for a Times subscription is they still have Friedman, Keller, Brooks, Leonhardt & Sorkin on the payroll. If they can still afford to pay those hacks, they clearly don't need my money.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

@drufus Isn't that, like, five reasons?

Louis Fyne (#2,066)

@petejayhawk Solid reasoning. Luckily we aren't expected to pay for Awl commenting…

@Louis Fyne You guys aren't paying?

sigerson (#179)

Yes, but doesn't it matter to you that he is right? Our infrastructure is in fact inferior and it makes our economy less competitive.

deepomega (#1,720)

@sigerson That just makes it worse! You know he's going to use potholes to defend chinese-style political crackdowns. "Maybe we, tooth, should try censoring to internet."

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

@deepomega Yeah. I read this and was like, "Wait, it's true, we need better roads and trains." The true "And that's when I clicked 'close tab'" moment was actually when Mike Bloomberg's name came up.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@sigerson Making the right point in the wrong way is still distasteful.

drufus (#24,190)

Oh wait, I forgot Brisbane, too.

@drufus Douthat, too.

drufus (#24,190)

@sorry your heinous I have a bit more respect for Douthat solely b/c he openly admits he's a conservative & doesn't try to pass himself off as a moderate to the extent Brooks does.

@drufus That is a good distinction. Still don't like supporting some of the dumb things he writes, regardless of politics.

BadUncle (#153)

The Tom Friedman Card. Privileged has it's membership.

What the fuck? Was his helicopter in the shop or something?

lawyergay (#220)
boyofdestiny (#1,243)

@lawyergay The wankiest wank that ever wanked.

cherrispryte (#444)

Union Station is a full-on shitshow right now, to be sure, as are the roads around it (construction everywhere! get dropped off at Mass & North Capitol, for fuck's sake!) but I'm pretty damn sure this is due to 1) the earthquake (no seriously) and 2) the fact that DC HAS NO CONTROL OVER ITS OWN BUDGET.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

@cherrispryte Must…resist…urge…to make…obvious comment…

turd_sandwich (#5,660)

@cherrispryte considering they have to do the road repairs, while maintaining pick-up and drop-off for taxis and regular cars, i guess it could be worse. heaven forbid you try to walk your ass from capitol hill to union station, though. just no thought at all for your average pedestrian. also, acela suuuucks.

Bittersweet (#765)

@turd_sandwich: I'll take Boston-NYC Acela any day over flying.

jfruh (#713)

Surely the cab driver who picked him up at Union Station had some cogent opinions about road conditions? Without a glib opinion put into the mouth of a service worker, it's not a real Tom Friedman column.

Cord_Jefferson (#2,111)

"An escalator can never break–it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.'" -Hedberg

NafNaf (#201,644)

move to the District and pay some taxes you Bethesda asshole

Pop Socket (#187)

He's right about the Acela. That is the wobbliest 'high speed' (it beats the Metroliners from DC to NYC by about 20 minutes) train in the world. Which still makes this one whiney-ass FirstWorldProblem rant.

And complaining about broken escalators in DC is about as hacky as a stand-up routine about airline food or cab drivers who don't speak English.

Natzzzzzz (#7,318)

You know, I used to enjoy Tom Friedman before he became, well, megalomaniac douche Tom Friedman.

Ham Snadwich (#11,842)

I can imagine no greater hell than sitting next to Tom Friedman on a long train ride.

jorolok8765 (#232,470)

Lol Ham, you are right.

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