What Kind Of Stupid Jerk Fires Sue Simmons?


On the one hand, I am filled with sputtering rage at the news that NBC has chosen not to renew Sue Simmons’ contract. Along with broadcast partner Chuck Scarborough, Sue Simmons has been the face of local news here in New York for literally as long as I can remember. A hard-charging, swear-dropping, before-broadcast-drinking, poker-playing, fun-loving broad, she has been exactly what this city needs as a news anchor. Plus, there’s that great urban legend about her mugging down with some gal at Shakespeare in the Park. For three decades now, Sue Simmons has been synonymous with the New York broadcast. I can’t even imagine what local news will look like without her.

On the other hand, I have a hard time picturing what local news looks like now, because when’s the last time I watched local news? I have the internet for that. And let’s be honest, Sue’s getting up there. Sure, Chuck Scarborough is the same age (they’re both 68) and his contract was renewed, but we’re much happier to watch old men than we are to look at old women, who remind us of frailty, barrenness and death. So it kind of makes sense that they’d want to get some fresh young talent to let us know about a water main break in Kew Gardens. You don’t want to hear that stuff from an aged crone who is but a few stops away from her destination on the ride to the tomb. It’s just morbid.

Goodbye, Sue. We will miss you! I hope your legacy is more than, “Sue’s blunder and subsequent apology for saying ‘What the f–k are you doing?‘ on air has gotten 2,172,751 YouTube hits.” I hope it’s that makeout session in the park.