Rick Perry Almost Killed Me This Weekend

Among the many awful, tasteless, grotesque and sometimes actually funny things that were said at the Gridiron Club Dinner this weekend in D.C., one of those dress-up events where the press and politicians cozy up, this thing was said by Texas Governor Rick Perry: “I like Mitt Romney as much as one really good-looking man can like another really good-looking man—without breaking the law in Texas.”

Have you ever been innocently reading a news article on the Internet and had the experience where your vision slowly becomes obscured, as if a red velvet curtain is being lowered in front of your eyes, and little black sparkles with white outlines dance in the foreground, and every muscle in your body suddenly contracts, and then a bit later you come to, slumped in your chair, blood mixed with drool running down your chin, your socks soaked with sweat, covered in gooseflesh head to toe? That is a rage blackout, and that is what Rick Perry did to me by saying this. I hope that he is leisurely eaten alive by a pack of rabid gay kittens.