Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
7

How To Sneeze Quietly

Here you will find a five-step plan to lower the volume of your sneezes. There is additional information as to why you should never stifle a sneeze (SPOILER: "bladder incontinence").

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7 Comments / Post A Comment

BadUncle (#153)

I am That Guy. The loud sneezer. I'm surprised my bladder doesn't void when I let her rip.

lbf (#2,343)

Why would you want to sneeze silently? Most of the time I go all-in, it's like a rollercoaster. I'll high-five anyone who sneezes loudly and unapologetically (if I have some Purell on hand).

Sneezing loudly is the closest I'll probably ever get to the cleansing release of a sniper's bullet to the brain. Why would I want to give that up?

Also when someone sneezes ridiculously small-ly I genuinely think less of them.

Claire Zulkey (#6,639)

My little brother used to emit the world's LOUDEST sneezes. It was like he'd yell and sneeze at the same time. AAAAWHOOO. When my mom and I asked that he tone it down, he'd say that he couldn't help it. The other day I caught him doing the silent sneeze and praised him to high heaven for it. My suspicion is that a colleague or romantic partner told him to cut out the loud sneezes and he cares more about those opinions than his lousy mom's/sister's.

Smitros (#5,315)

Lower the volume? Hm.

When I sneeze, I change the weather. As a small, unprepossessing person, I have no other form of intimidation.

hbender (#230,331)

I love a good sneeze. Sometimes they make me tingly all over.

Plasmon (#204,863)

It'd be more useful to turn up the volume, develop an array of masculine sneezes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBRT3Jsrnc

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