7
How To Sneeze Quietly
Here you will find a five-step plan to lower the volume of your sneezes. There is additional information as to why you should never stifle a sneeze (SPOILER: "bladder incontinence").
I am That Guy. The loud sneezer. I'm surprised my bladder doesn't void when I let her rip.
Why would you want to sneeze silently? Most of the time I go all-in, it's like a rollercoaster. I'll high-five anyone who sneezes loudly and unapologetically (if I have some Purell on hand).
Sneezing loudly is the closest I'll probably ever get to the cleansing release of a sniper's bullet to the brain. Why would I want to give that up?
Also when someone sneezes ridiculously small-ly I genuinely think less of them.
My little brother used to emit the world's LOUDEST sneezes. It was like he'd yell and sneeze at the same time. AAAAWHOOO. When my mom and I asked that he tone it down, he'd say that he couldn't help it. The other day I caught him doing the silent sneeze and praised him to high heaven for it. My suspicion is that a colleague or romantic partner told him to cut out the loud sneezes and he cares more about those opinions than his lousy mom's/sister's.
Lower the volume? Hm.
When I sneeze, I change the weather. As a small, unprepossessing person, I have no other form of intimidation.
I love a good sneeze. Sometimes they make me tingly all over.
It'd be more useful to turn up the volume, develop an array of masculine sneezes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtBRT3Jsrnc