Friday, March 2nd, 2012

Expect A Load of Crap, Basically

"No longer just a book, "What To Expect" is a full-fledged cottage industry, with a series of offshoot guides, from What To Expect: The First Year and What To Expect: The Toddler Years to the head-scratching What To Expect Before You're Expecting. (Just, like, in general.) There are also "What To Expect" picture books for children, including What To Expect at Preschool and the must-read What To Expect When You Use the Potty. (I won't give it away.)"
—Allison Benedikt describes what to expect from the fearmongering, hugely popular series of guides to being scared of your body. This review will make you LOL, except if you're pregnant don't laugh too hard because YOU AND YOUR BABY MIGHT DIE!

21 Comments / Post A Comment

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Where self-help becomes self-hinder.

freetzy (#7,018)

What to Expectorate When You're Expectorating

C_Webb (#855)

My favorite part of this book was how it casually informed me, as if of course I already knew, that if extra air got up your lady places during cunnilingus, it could cause an embolism. Which I immediately had.

@C_Webb YES. I have been trying to source that assertion, and it seems to be some kind of elaborate game of Telephone.

C_Webb (#855)

@Nicole Cliffe@facebook: Of course, if you drink cranberry juice with a twist of garlic, the embolism goes away.

stuffisthings (#1,352)

Spoiler in the post title.

SuperMargie (#1,263)

When my pregnancy was officially confirmed at my OB office, my Doc gave me the usual advice and pamphlets and what not, then she took off her glasses, looked me square in the eye and told me: "No matter what your friends tell you, never EVER read "What to Expect.."! It will do nothing but stress you out and suck the joy out of every minute of your pregnancy." That was over ten years ago, so that recommendation was controversial among the mommy-set in my neighborhood. One lady was so outraged, she wanted to report my Dr. to the AMA as some kind of chicken-killing witch doctor. I feel so vindicated for her now, I almost want to call her.

Backslider (#819)

@SuperMargie Your doctor deserves an award. This book is the only one ever published that I believe should be burned.

The Usual Expects

deepomega (#1,720)

@Clarence Rosario Fear and Expectation In Las Vegas

It's neck and neck with the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, which tells you that stirrup pants are a rad maternity choice, and midwives want to steal your baby and sell it. There aren't any good alternatives in the pregnancy book universe. There are lots of decent 'how to give birth' ones, but since pregnancy is the ultimate YMMV, what can you say?

@Nicole Cliffe@facebook Pro-tip: don't rent Alien in your third trimester. That's all I've got.

C_Webb (#855)

@Nicole Cliffe@facebook Then there's my friend Alice's book, Let's Panic About Babies, but it's not exactly the same thing.

@C_Webb I own and love it! She's a genius.

C_Webb (#855)

@Nicole Cliffe@facebook We met at Geek Writing Camp in junior high!

@C_Webb I think you could probably run a similar disclaimer for oral sex involving 'be careful! If, for some reason, your partner was homicidal or an idiot, you could possibly choke to death on his penis.'

C_Webb (#855)

@Nicole Cliffe@facebook I just sort of loved the "Nyah nyah!" aspect of it. "HEY! You know that one and only thing that always gets you off? Yeah, IT MIGHT ALSO MAKE YOU DIE! Have fun!"

oudemia (#177)

I bought a copy of "Panic Free Pregnancy"* and rolled with that. It fit well with my ultrasound doctor, who advised me after my CVS to go home, put my legs up, and drink a glass of wine.
*The book really is sane and great. He does insist on your cutting out both smokes and blow, however.

Claire Zulkey (#7,101)

@oudemia I like that one too, not just because the doc kinda says that it's secretly cool if you occasionally get high during your pregnancy WHICH I DO NOT INTEND TO DO but still.

Jillsy Sloper (#12,648)

@Claire Zulkey I like where he says "Should you go to your best friend's wedding in Spain when you're 8 months pregnant? Sure, why the hell not. Spain has perfectly decent maternity hospitals, should you go into labor while you're there."

Emily (#20)

I am a fan of From The Hips, which I read because the author was a guest on Cooking the Books and not because of anything having to do with my own personal uterus, not that you asked

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