Abandoned Listicles Without Commentary, In Order Of How Close They Were To Completion

14. Pi, In Reverse Order

13. Manhattan’s Best Urinals, In Order

12. The Varieties of Religious Experience

11. People I Have Been Confused For On The Street, In Order Of How Similar They Look To Me

10. Single-Season Sitcoms Of The Seventies, In Order

9. Famous Mustaches, In Order Of Historical Significance

8. Recent News Stories, In Order Of How Deeply They Make Me Despair Over The Human Condition

7. Letters Sections Of Conde Nast Publications, In Order Of How Wildly Out Of Touch They Show Their Readers To Be With Reality

6. Childish Things, In Order Of When I Put Them Away

5. Smells Of New York City In The Summer, In Order Of Putrefaction

4. Terrible Recurring Themes In My Dreams, In Order Of Plausibility

3. Things I Would Not Eat For Money, In Order Of How Really Really Badly I Would Not Want To Eat Them

2. Mexican Epithets For Homosexuals, In Order Of Sibilance

1. Breasts, In Order

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