Monday, February 13th, 2012

Happy Crying Day

My longstanding dream has been to open a series of Crying Spaces, where people can come during the day to sit in a small room and weep privately. I think that these would do especially well in urban areas like New York, where the population density and cost of living usually forces you to share space with other people. Rather than wait until your roommate or significant other is out of the apartment, rather than hope that none of your coworkers will hear you stifling sobs in the stall, you could come to the Crying Space and just let it all out secure in the knowledge that the only one who's ever going to know about the tears you shed is the guy at the front who hands you the box of Kleenex and the Terms of Endearment DVD. While I believe in my heart that this could be an immensely profitable business, I have yet to secure its funding, so it will for the moment remain just a glimmer in my damp eyes. But in this spirit I am naming today National Go Have Yourself A Sob Day. (It is important that we do this today rather than tomorrow because I do not want anyone to confuse your sadness with something related to Valentine's Day, which is no less ludicrous a holiday than the one I am proposing.) Here's the deal: Head somewhere you feel comfortable crying, think about all the bad decisions you've made or the unfortunate luck you've had or the departed friends and family you miss so desperately or basically just the crushing burden of existence, and let her rip. The rest of us promise to completely ignore you. It's no less than we all deserve.

Photo by Ed Yourdon, from Flickr.


15 Comments / Post A Comment

roboloki (#1,724)

we could turn their tears into potable water using our solar-powered, totally portable water desalinator!

turd_sandwich (#5,660)

will this be like a pod hotel, with stacks of criers, or do you get your own room? i'm good, either way.

NominaStultorum (#1,638)

@turd_sandwich Arrange the stacks of criers properly and the hotel powers itself, hydroelectrically. A drain in each pod's floor collects the customer's tears and funnels them to a central turbine and generator. Charge extra for a post-cry bath in the Pool of Tears.

laurel (#4,035)

I have one of these places in my house. It's called the shower.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@laurel A friend told me they save time in the shower by masturbating while crying. #Multitasking

Jared (#1,227)

@whizz_dumb Oh, I thought Balk was just using "crying" as a euphemism for "masturbating." I guess the Terms of Endearment DVD threw me off.

@whizz_dumb Back in 2009, this very website informed me that is called "chooching".

I could've used this on Saturday night. Holding it in on the bus ride home was hard but the weirdest part was holding it in while I washed my face and brushed my teeth so that I could just get into bed and cry myself to sleep.

Gotta love February.

roboloki (#1,724)

@ReginalTSquirge you're supposed to schedule it for the morning .

barnhouse (#1,326)

But one day soon are you gonna tell the moon about this?

aubergines (#216,449)

Dude – have you read The Tin Drum by Gunter Grass? There's a couple of chapters about "The Onion Cellar" where peeps buy onions and slice them up so they have an excuse to cry. Awesome book btw.

C_Webb (#855)

The 80s had Love Shacks; we have Crying Spaces. Sounds about right.

I find my hooded parka and a number 1 train going north at 5:45PM works well for me.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

Am I callous for laughing at little kids crying? I don't care, that kid's face is hilarious.

cherrispryte (#444)

This is why you figure out how to get on to the roofs of your office buildings, people! (JUST TO CRY, THOUGH. NO LEAPING.)

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