“Woman-beating rage-broccoli Chris Brown lip-synced his single ‘Turn Up The Music’ (without being threatened by Sir Elton John) and danced roughly as well as a third-rate Chicago footwork dancer. He ended his performance by back-flipping off the stage, though sadly not off the earth.”
—Good riddance to bad garbage. We will largely sign on to this take on last night’s Grammys, although casting Jennifer Hudson’s rendition of “I Will Always Love You” as “technically adequate,” Sasha Frere-Jones, is a full-on LIE and not at all okay. Also congratulations go to Grammy winner Betty White—beating out Tina Fey… and Val Kilmer. Who knew.