And Remember to Tip Your Waiters Real Good Tonight, Wall Street

Are you enjoying Bonus Day? (It’s every New Yorker’s favorite holiday, in this long stretch between Christmas and Passover.) The verdicts have been rolling in all day, as they are also rolling across the world between now and the end of the month. It’s a funny thing! Remember how we used to hear about “talent retention”? That big compensation was mandatory to keep great talent at a firm (that was performing quite poorly)? That was already rich coming from a small industry that ditched of tens of thousands of staff, but it seems extra-hilarious now in the season of the wee bonus.

Morgan Stanley: Sounds like an invitation to quit: “Lots of zeroes at junior levels.”

• Goldman Sachs: works out to $367,000 on “average” across all employees, which is dumb, and don’t ever talk in public about “average bonuses”. Because they sure ain’t divided on the average.

• Elsewhere: Say goodbye to yearly raises—unless you’re in the Asian offices.

Did you get a great bonus this year? Let us know in the comments… how much you’ll be sending us.