Thursday, January 19th, 2012
24

And Remember to Tip Your Waiters Real Good Tonight, Wall Street

Are you enjoying Bonus Day? (It's every New Yorker's favorite holiday, in this long stretch between Christmas and Passover.) The verdicts have been rolling in all day, as they are also rolling across the world between now and the end of the month. It's a funny thing! Remember how we used to hear about "talent retention"? That big compensation was mandatory to keep great talent at a firm (that was performing quite poorly)? That was already rich coming from a small industry that ditched of tens of thousands of staff, but it seems extra-hilarious now in the season of the wee bonus.

Morgan Stanley: Sounds like an invitation to quit: "Lots of zeroes at junior levels."

• Goldman Sachs: works out to $367,000 on "average" across all employees, which is dumb, and don't ever talk in public about "average bonuses". Because they sure ain't divided on the average.

• Elsewhere: Say goodbye to yearly raises—unless you're in the Asian offices.

Did you get a great bonus this year? Let us know in the comments… how much you'll be sending us.

24 Comments / Post A Comment

JoshUng (#11,371)

No news on bonuses just yet, but during our year end party, they bragged about how many of the goals our company beat in 2011, and while that doesn't guarantee anything, I do give the big bosses enough credit to brag about results then only a few months laters cancel bonuses.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@JoshUng At our holiday party all 5 of my bosses (14 people total in the company) said the same basic thing: We realize you've made some sacrifices this year and we appreciate that. I did get a bottle of wine, so that's something I appreciate. 10% pay cut, not so much.

mathnet (#27)

I'm a $1,500.00aire!

Sarcastro (#328)

@mathnet THAT'S JUST SUPER

mathnet (#27)

@Sarcastro I'll take the soup.

Sarcastro (#328)

@mathnet You're like the Mittens Romney of our marriage.

mathnet (#27)

@Sarcastro I'd strap you safely to the roof of the car any day, honey.

Sarcastro (#328)

@mathnet I have no idea what you're talking about! That's why we're so happy together, I guess.

I got an after tax monthly raise of $73!!! All will be spent on cigarettes.

theheckle (#621)

I got a $100 bonus in December.

Public sector employment. Come because who else is going to hire an urban planner whose specialty is public process? Stay because it's frightening in the real world!

C_Webb (#855)

My "bonus" is the knowledge of a job well done that would have been done even better if it seemed to make any goddamn difference.

The NYC Rent Guidelines Board awarded my landlord a 4.5% bonus which I get to pay. He totally met the company goals of lowering maintenance and upkeep expense!

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

@NotAndersonCooper Rent Stabilization Humblebrag

deepomega (#1,720)

What is a "bonus"? Is it similar to a "pension"?

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@deepomega Who is this IRA dude, and why does he spell his name in ALLCAPS?

Maxine (#1,795)

I qualified for health insurance today. That counts as a bonus, right?

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

@Maxine I was told this week that the health "coverage" I agreed to pay for last year is

1. half as much as I thought it would be
2. split into two payments over the course of the year

So essentially "We set up a savings account for you and put 140 bucks in it!"

h o o r a a a a a y

Conal Darcy@twitter (#197,399)

"Employment" is the bonus I'm hoping for.

zidaane (#373)

In about 12 months I won't be paying $600 a month on old taxes for my ex.

sigerson (#179)

I was "flat" this year at MegaGlobalBank and told that it was intended to signal good things.

Jeremy_W (#5,194)

Annual military pay raise was 1.6%, which is about a $60/month increase as a Captain.

On the plus side, they recalculate BAH (housing allowance) for every zip code each year, and mine went up about $250/month (over 20% increase), which was definitely a surprise.

BillyMilder (#723)

I just got my last paycheck for a job. That was a bonus.

Megadith (#47,829)

My husband makes (roughly? theoretically?) half his salary in bonus and he is paid a pittance the rest of the year. We never know what the figure is going to be – it could be $0, it could be $100,000 (not that it ever has been), so we spend all of February biting our nails until we find out near the end of the month. It is not the worst problem to have but it sure makes budgeting difficult.

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