Friday, December 2nd, 2011

See You Tonight For Our Holiday Party?

It's tonight. The Holiday Awl Bawl. At Flaming Saddles. Which is 793 9th Avenue, 6 to 9 p.m. NEW YORK CITY. There will be nametags with tiny Awls on them. You will definitely meet great people with whom to have sexual intercourse. Be there or be dead inside. Oh and: This extremely gay bar is cash-only. As one does.

70 Comments / Post A Comment

jolie (#16)

Sheesh, I don't even get hostessing credit? Sure, no, fine. I'll just eat all these crack brownies by myself.

jolie (#16)

ALSO. Choire Alexander babies. Make 'em happen. Last year we had – how many? Two? Three? – hookups. I DEMAND BETTER FROM YOU PEOPLE. If I don't get a question about how to remove semen stains from a mechanical bull there's going to be hell to pay.

City_Dater (#2,500)


BROWNIES! I'll be there on time.

I'm pretty sure some employee at Flaming Saddles already has extensive experience with removing semen stains from mechanical bulls/flocked wallpaper/hardwood floors/faux suede chaps, etc.

jolie (#16)

Fair warning: The bourbon balls are a little moister & less sweet than usual. Probably because I was shitfacedly heavy handed when I added the bourbon. TINY AWLS!

riotnrrd (#840)

@jolie Awl hookups? For the sake of those of us not there, TELL US EVERYTHING.

@jolie Why are you acting like you didn't promise me all your brownies?

roboloki (#1,724)

@jolie i hope you made them this morning.

@jolie The bourbon balls are a little moister & less sweet than usual.

Extending the analogy, I'm sure some powdered sugar would help.

SeanP (#4,058)

@jolie Daaaamn. I can't believe I'm missing this.

Murgatroid (#2,904)

I don't support your location-based life/death binaries so I won't be there.

C_Webb (#855)

@Murgatroid So would "be there or be square" be shape-shaming?

Murgatroid (#2,904)

@C_Webb Shapist shapism.

C_Webb (#855)

If we put the bull in a bear costume, is there a chance Balk will come?

SeanP (#4,058)

@C_Webb I'm not sure what to do with the image of a mechanical bear that I'm now getting.

C_Webb (#855)

@SeanP Turns out there were no bulls, or bears. But there were definitely bourbon balls.

Brian (#115)

Is Thursday Styles coming?

@Brian Nah, but I'll be there, droning on about poststructuralism in the corner. (Half of that sentence is true. GUESS WHICH)

Rod T (#33)

I will need cocaine, and my dealer won't go that far uptown.

@Rod T I made spinach dip. Come on up!

Andrew Piccone (#7,185)

i would go but im terrified of everyone under #1000

brent_cox (#40)

@Andrew Piccone Word.

Flaneur (#998)

@Andrew Piccone Well, I won't be there (alas!), and I hear the other 998 are pretty decent sorts. Conquer your fear.

@Andrew Piccone Don't worry. After our last meeting, we decided to renounce cannibalism, so we're pretty agreeable people now.

@Andrew Piccone Just buy me a drink and we'll be the BESTEST of friends.

jolie (#16)

IMPORTANT PSA: Flaming Saddles is CASH ONLY. I repeat: You must have paper or metal money with you. And if you're a dude, you should bring extra since you'll be paying for all the ill-behaved attractive ladies to drink on your dime.


melis (#1,854)

@jolie Do me a real quick favor and bring a printout of that picture of me after I've tried Qream. It'll feel like being there.

jolie (#16)

@melis But then I'll spend all night looking at it, weeping and wondering why my beloved isn't with me during this, the holiday season.

deepomega (#1,720)

One day I'll schedule a trip back to the east coast around an Awl Bawl, instead of finding out I left a week early.

RonMwangaguhung (#3,697)

will there be social anthropology?

jfruh (#713)

Ugh, am I going to have to organize a Bawltimore Awl Bawl myself just so nobody will show up and I can feel good and pathetic?

jolie (#16)

@jfruh On the bright side, you're guaranteed to be the attendee with the highest commenter number!

jfruh (#713)

@jolie And the lowest! Wait, which is better?

jolie (#16)

@jfruh ACK GAH YES THAT IS WHAT I MEANT!! (I may have dipped into the bourbon balls already. Hiccup.)

Vicky (#7,168)

@jfruh Please do it, I would go!

Jolie's statement would still be valid.

The intercourse is cash-only. Got it!

C_Webb (#855)

@NotAndersonCooper I also accept Metrocards.

BadUncle (#153)

My Rascal™ Power Chair may be ready in time.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Aaaaand you'll be rerunning this event next week, right? No? Oh. Rats.

roboloki (#1,724)

please please please in the name of all that is holy and beautiful, someone wear a "jeff barea" nametag.

jolie (#16)

@roboloki Whoever chooses to do this should be aware that I will JUMP ON YOUR FACE AND DO ALL MANNER OF DIRTY THINGS TO YOU. Because I love Jeff Barea and I will think you really are him (even if you're a girl) and right now you know that about me.

Pretty sure my socks are gay enough, so I'll see you cowpokes there.

dado (#102)

I would go but people still seem to think I'm a woman and I wouldn't want to disappoint them.

Aatom (#74)

Wish I could join y'Awl, but I'm going to a Tori Amos concert? That sounds even sadder than a gay country-western bar, doesn't it?

Brian (#115)

@Aatom Girl I'm going to this, THEN Tori. Split a cab?

@Brian With me too!

Aatom (#74)

@Brian Wish I could! I don't get out of the office until 8. See you at the Beacon!

hman (#53)

@Aatom You guys are gonna end up crying anyway, you know. #LOLTORIAMOS

Aatom (#74)

@hman I'm just going because the boyfriend is obsessed. I don't really "get" Tori and her bizarre erotic relationship with music, even though I recognize how amazing she is on stage. This will make our fourth time together seeing her live. Sigh.

hockeymom (#143)

You guys! Have so much fun!

Can somebody less shy/ADD set something like this up in Minneapolis?

personnnnnnnnnn (#1,154)

sort of thinking of probably stopping by this maybe at the early parts of that time frame listed before i leave to travel to distant parties. maybe. but i don't often actually comment on this website. but it is possible. rambleramble. mostly just wondering what even happens at these things. besides the boozing. and i imagine awkwardness. and … snacking???

and will there be pumpkin ale?

@chrs I've seen people talking and some drunken smooching as well.

jolie (#16)

@chrs You should come! They're totally awkward but everyone always gets blasted and I spend the night running around feeding people and making sure everyone has someone to talk to. It will be fine! You come find me, I'll take care of you. Look for the lady in shiny pink shoes wearing a million bracelets, that's me.

Here's the question: who is going to buy me endless drinks tonight?

jolie (#16)

@happymisanthrope Neel Shah

Mr. B (#10,093)

I really want to go, but I'm too damn sheepish about my fifth digit just hanging out there for awl to see. If I email you guys a headshot will you hang it up in the wall of Flaming Saddles in my honor?

keisertroll (#1,117)

@Mr. B If anyone wants to do anything in my honor, have protective consensual sex with the one guy who's just standing around waiting to introduce himself.

Mr. B (#10,093)

@keisertroll Oh boy. I wonder what my very non-bi-curious girlfriend would say if I told her I was going to a party with a bunch of people I've never met at a bar in the city called Flaming Saddles. We straights live very circumspect little lives.

Remember: you have to stay on the mechanical bull for a full 8 seconds in order for it to count.

SeanP (#4,058)

@Clarence Rosario How do you know I'm a a bad lover after only 8 seconds?

Bobby Womack (#4,074)

Anyone nervous about coming should just rope a friend who has read the site once and never returned in to coming with you – that's my strategy.

C_Webb (#855)

Anyone want to pre game on the F train? I'll be the pleasant matronly type surrounded by empty tallboys.

@C_Webb See you at Herald Square!

hockeymom (#143)


Boo–Work is going to keep me up until I have to go to my cousin's surprise birthday party.

Next time (he says, as he's said about every Awl Bawl thus far)…

#56 (#56)

I want to see photos! And everyone should be obstructing their faces with their hands ala Balk.

zidaane (#373)

You would think you could live stream these things.

Clarence Rosario: Post that picture, man!
Jolie: Thanks for all the planning down to the last bourbon ball. These keep getting better.

@NotAndersonCooper Don't worry, that picture is already in good hands. Our top scientists are on it.

mikemariano (#11,150)

I only attended the party for about seven minutes, but it was everything I could ever dream of.

Thanks, everybody!

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