Thursday, October 13th, 2011
27

Happy 6015th Birthday, Planet Earth!

NOTHING brings me greater pleasure than WorldNetDaily's email list. Today's subject line: "Earth's 6015th birthday this year!" It's an important way to keep in touch with the Other America. (Maybe I'll actually buy this book, too! After all? "This is one of the most important literary, historical and Christian works you'll ever own, a treasure for any home library. It's a must for your homeschool library.")

27 Comments / Post A Comment

jolie (#16)

[Awl Newsletter Joke Goes Here]

Multiphasic (#411)

@jolie Please. Please. PLEASE. PLEASE homeschool some kids using the Awl newsletter.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

@Multiphasic They'll be set for the SATs, if the SATs consist exclusively of questions about cats, Jews, and Maker's Mark.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

Okay, so it's been a LONG time since i read Paradise Lost (#humblebrag), so I may have this wrong but isn't the whole thing about the Garden of Eden that it WASN'T in this world? That Adam and Eve were *banished* to Earth for being shitty? Right?
So yeah, that's the only error I can find in the above press release.

Paul B@twitter (#13,135)

@IBentMyWookie Paradise Lost isn't original text. The Bible describes Eden with physical landmarks. It's probably somewhere around modern day Iraq, formerly Mesopotamia.

As for the rest of the Earth birthday calculations, they're obviously wrong because Rosh Hashannah was two weeks ago and celebrated the 5772nd birthday of the earth. Clearly Bishop Ussher was off by like 43 years and a month or so. Unless Rosh Hashannah came "late" that year.

wallsdonotfall (#6,378)

Save your money (as if) and read it here, if you'd like. Well-edited, poorly typeset.

Dave Bry (#422)

Planets keep getting younger.

@Dave Bry: The moon was built in 1956.

@NotAndersonCooper Fucking Ike.

"If we can build the moon, we can unbuild it! Who's with me?"—Balk 2012

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@Dave Bry …and hotter.

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

All you doubters are a bunch of pro-Sumer historians trying to validate the existence of the Ubaid period and retain your cushy university jobs. Get over it!

melis (#1,854)

"One of his aides took the calculation further, and was able to announce triumphantly that the Earth was created on Sunday the 21st of October, 4004 B.C., at exactly 9:00 AM, because God liked to get work done early in the morning while he was feeling fresh.

This too was incorrect. By almost a quarter of an hour."

HiredGoons (#603)

Blue States Lose.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

"evolutionist who need billions of years to explain their theory"

So, if Bible is not enough for you, you can read this one more book to set things straight for you. However, make sure you stop at one. You don't want to make a fool out of yourself, like those evolutionists who ended up needing like a whole bunch to get their story straight.

lakonislate (#11,914)

@Niko Bellic I love how they phrase that. It's like those oceanographers who need billions of gallons to explain the oceans.

How old is the world? Most people would say: "Nobody knows."

That's both true and infinitely depressing.

City_Dater (#2,500)

I would like to see the Venn diagram of homeschoolers, those who take ancient history seriously, and people who read Latin well enough to plow through 1,600 pages. Because I'm going to guess the first circle does not overlap AT ALL with either of the other two.

@City_Dater One of those circles thinks "The Flintstones" is nonfiction, and used that information in the translation.

hman (#53)

I don't even believe in Kreayshawn.

BirdNerd (#4,196)

@hman took the time to log in just to thumb up you.

hman (#53)

@BirdNerd Oh good, can you do something with 'Ussher' then? Thanks!

BirdNerd (#4,196)

@hman SO MUCH WIN.

It's true! That's Abe Vigoda on the front cover. He can tell you all about all of this.

ogradybt (#3,914)

See more from Awl Sponsors.

keisertroll (#1,117)

GARDEN AND GUN PLEASE

Aatom (#74)

Anals of the World.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Liars. Everybody knows the world's greatest ancient history book is Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard.

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