It Takes 6079 Words to Recount the Plot of 'Drive'

"He turns on a police scanner and also a Clippers – Raptors game on the radio (I know! Who cares about the Clippers? But be patient—all will be revealed), and takes some care to balance the volume of the two. He hears the break-in reported on the scanner but remains calm. He hears that units are being dispatched to the area, and still, he is unperturbed. One of the two robbers comes back but the other dallies, and the first robber is nervous, but Ryan Gosling is chill. You will notice that Ryan Gosling remains calm pretty much all the time. One wonders if his forbearance comes from his state of namelessness, which, while presumably of his own choosing, must also lead to some confusion (like later in the film, when he calls his neighbor's seven-year-old and says, 'It's me,' and the kid is like, 'Hi,' and Ryan Gosling is like, 'Is your mother there?' and the kid is like, 'She's talking to the police right now,' and Gosling is like, 'Well, tell her I called,' which is all normal, but we're left to wonder what the kid will tell her. 'He called.' 'Who?' 'You know—him. The guy.'). Anyway, finally the other robber gets there and Ryan Gosling starts driving, and he's listening to the police scanner and playing a cat-and-mouse game with the cops, who have gotten a report of a silver Impala (darn! shoulda just gone with a Mustang or something), which involves pulling behind a parked truck and killing the lights, hiding under an overpass to avoid the roving spotlight of a police helicopter, and, briefly, accelerating and doing crazy skid-turns to shake one cruiser that has actually turned its flashing lights on and started to give chase."
—It may dismay you to learn that there are only 5787 more words in this extremely thorough recounting of the plot of the movie Drive.