Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Teen Girl Mag Prepares for Life of Disappointment, Lies

The August issue of Seventeen (don't ask) has a particularly juicy "LIES He Tells You Straight To Your Face" column! This is an interesting editorial component. Is it… service? Is it fear-mongering exploitation? Somewhere in the middle? Mostly I can't decide which of these two boys sound more evil. (Who am I kidding, THE CAT LIAR. SOMEONE THROW HIM OFF A BRIDGE IN A BURLAP SACK.) I am just so glad this kind of editorial didn't exist when I was a teen—if I'd know the truth about humans, I don't know if I would have ever left the house or spoken to anyone. (Though I guess it's reassuring that teen boys are mostly just like 29-year-old boys?)

23 Comments / Post A Comment

katherine (#10,025)

But did he take the kitten?

lempha (#581)

You say don't ask but I think I am going to have to ask?

ejcsanfran (#489)

@lempha: Newstand was out of Tiger Beat.

jolie (#16)

@lempha Pedicure reading

MichelleDean (#7,041)

I once started receiving Seventeen as a replacement for my Portfolio subscription (don't ask) and I felt like I learned a lot more about human nature from it than I had ever wanted to know.

Ham Snadwich (#11,842)

Aw, Choire, there's a guy out there who will like you for you.

prrtyfood (#8,285)

don't judge too harshly. It's not easy meeting women in Zanesville, OH.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

@Choire Sicha: Hey now. Southeastern Ohio is several kindsa awesome.

collier (#13,548)

@dntsqzthchrmn : You must be some sort of dangerous lunatic. No part of Ohio is any such thing.

The only good things that can be said about Ohio are : 1) The Cramps are from Akron, 2) Kim Deal is from Dayton, 3) it is not West Virginia, Kentucky, Mississippi, or Alabama.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

@collier: I must be. Also: Slander West Virginia at your cost.

collier (#13,548)

@dntsqzthchrmn : I would sooner eat a pile of dead rabid bats filled with broken glass than go within spitting distance of WV again.

But then, I guess I could spit the broken glass across the state line? So that's something.

C_Webb (#855)

Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned "I'll call you"?

City_Dater (#2,500)


Harder to pull off in the age of cell phones: "Really? I guess your roommate didn't give you the message. Gotta run!"

C_Webb (#855)

@City_Dater True. Thank god that my days of drunk dialing coincided only briefly with the ubiquity of cell phones, because I can only imagine the damage I might have done.

jfruh (#713)

People who are turned on by the phrase "I'm in business school" deserve what they get.

Ham Snadwich (#11,842)

@jfruh "I have no marketable skills, but don't like reading enough to be an English major."

katnotcat (#10,431)

@jfruh He basically admitted that he is 21 but only dates girls who haven't graduate high school yet.

City_Dater (#2,500)


And it will still be just as sad when he's nearly 40 and dating a 22 year old, but he'll try to make it seem like a cool choice he's made.

laurel (#4,035)

That burlap sack needs a few large rocks as well.

JoshUng (#11,371)

Assuming the first kid did take the cat and is taking care of it, doesn't that earn him a little action?

Aatom (#74)

"Though I guess it's reassuring that teen boys are mostly just like 29-year-old boys?"

I think you have that backwards.

The moral of the lesson? Men will always lie because they have been conditioned that although that itchy feeling between your legs ladies might be confused for love and lust, it doesn’t carry much weight unless the man somehow manages to convince or lie to you dammes that at the same time he is an alpha male virtuoso. At least according to the main stream media, which is all we ever read kids. Blah.


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