Oh Speidi! An Incredible Tale About the New Fame

Perhaps you don’t know or remember Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, because you “don’t have a TV” or because you, like, read books. They were, quite recently, the very picture of modern fame, having risen to attention on a semi-non-fiction TV show called “The Hills,” and they made a pretty decent fortune. And then they lost it all, and this account of their life after tabloid fame is actually incredible. What is my favorite part of this even! Hmm: “Heidi’s plastic surgeries gave her a distorted quality, but she vowed to have more. Spencer grew a thick beard, became obsessed with crystals, and was eventually told to leave the series.” OR: “By the time they announced they were (fake) splitting, followed by Spencer threatening to release various sex tapes, and Heidi (fake) filing for divorce, it seemed like they had ventured into, at best, Joaquin Phoenix-like, life-as-performance-art notoriety and, at worst, truly bleak Star 80 territory that could end with one or both of them dead.” At least they still have their incredible orthodontia though. That, at least, you can usually take with you.

In any event, I literally feel like this story deserves a Pulitzer Prize—mmm-hmm, I did so just say that—because it at last reveals the big lie of our time about the massive infotainment industrial complex, and about the people who are sold as products.