Thursday, August 25th, 2011

How To Face The Flood

You will be alone. There are reasons for that, but they don't make much of a difference anymore. Your flaws, your indecisiveness, the sad upbringing you never quite got over: none of that matters now. You are alone and the flood is coming. You should make sure you're dressed comfortably; you don't want to be wearing any constricting clothes. Climb to the highest point you have access to, which is probably your building's roof. Stand up straight, facing away from the oncoming surge. Take a deep breath. Consider the totality of your life. Forgive everyone you feel hard done by. Forgive yourself for everything you've done wrong. Remind yourself that every embarrassment, every humiliation, every hurt you've caused or have been victim of is an empty event that carries considerably less meaning than your perception because of the burden of consciousness and all its false feelings of significance. Remember whatever brief moment of happiness you consider to be the high point of your life. Pretend that it was the rule rather than the exception. Turn toward the wall of water. Stick your arms out straight at your sides. Extend your palms. Close your eyes. Let it come. Alternately, maybe take a train to somewhere out of town before the real rain starts to come down. I'm not saying there aren't options.

Photo by Zacarias Pereira da Mata, via Shutterstock

15 Comments / Post A Comment

jolie (#16)

But Alex, if I do that Choire will be SO MAD AT ME.

skywalker (#240,350)

Hello, how’s it going? Just shared this post with a colleague, we had a good laugh. Small business

deepomega (#1,720)

I don't see why everyone's making such a big deal about this. Just put on your water wings. Maybe invest in a boogie board.

southernbitch (#2,141)

@deepomega people love to panic, to fret. especially if this is a somewhat new experience. i'm getting panicky, and that's just due to to the fact that i live in new orleans, lived through the terror and horrible fallout from katrina, have evacuated from other hurricanes, and am just ingesting this doom and gloom media all over the web and tv today. ptsd! so much fun!

Bittersweet (#765)

"Remember whatever brief moment of happiness you consider to be the high point of your life. Pretend that it was the rule rather than the exception."

Now ducking out for that drink…

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

In those final, fleeting moments embrace the realization that God always loved the Midwest more.

HiredGoons (#603)

I'm envisioning the ending of Deep Impact, except with Alex Balk and a tumbler of 12year on a beach; proxy for Tea Leoni and that old guy.

BadUncle (#153)

On the other hand, I still have to walk my dog.

saythatscool (#101)

@BadUncle I'll miss you most of all, Unc.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

3. Call Charlton Heston. oh, that's right, he's dead. sorry!

hman (#53)

Sorry, but I'm not doing a goddamn yoga pose right before I die.

FACE the wall of water? Are you nuts? After it's come through the harbor? It's probably gonna be REALLY dirty.

Smitros (#5,315)

I think Bukowski said something to the effect that it's how you walk through the flood that matters.

skahammer (#587)

My main regret is that I never got to have coffee with Margot Tenenbaum.

Drew Robertson (#3,552)

Can I come down now?

Post a Comment