You will be alone. There are reasons for that, but they don't make much of a difference anymore. Your flaws, your indecisiveness, the sad upbringing you never quite got over: none of that matters now. You are alone and the flood is coming. You should make sure you're dressed comfortably; you don't want to be wearing any constricting clothes. Climb to the highest point you have access to, which is probably your building's roof. Stand up straight, facing away from the oncoming surge. Take a deep breath. Consider the totality of your life. Forgive everyone you feel hard done by. Forgive yourself for everything you've done wrong. Remind yourself that every embarrassment, every humiliation, every hurt you've caused or have been victim of is an empty event that carries considerably less meaning than your perception because of the burden of consciousness and all its false feelings of significance. Remember whatever brief moment of happiness you consider to be the high point of your life. Pretend that it was the rule rather than the exception. Turn toward the wall of water. Stick your arms out straight at your sides. Extend your palms. Close your eyes. Let it come. Alternately, maybe take a train to somewhere out of town before the real rain starts to come down. I'm not saying there aren't options.
Thursday, August 25th, 2011