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Well, This Happened
Who do I have to bang to get an advance copy of the new @coldplay album? I mean, really.less than a minute ago via WhoSay 
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Gwyneth Paltrow
GwynethPaltrow
Well, this happened.
I know the "I just threw up a little in my mouth" joke is old, but excuse me while I go buy some Scope.
@C_Webb: Was it a joke? I thought it was the nation developing a collective case of GERD.
She should try having sex with one of the band members. I hear that can work.
@saythatscool: Gwyneth doesn't do sex. She has handmaids for that.
More like "Who do I have to bang to make sure there's never another Coldplay album?"
I mean, really! I'd do that!
@Matt Langer
I would go with you. We could probably fill a tour bus with like-minded souls, maybe call ourselves the Anti-Groupies.
@Matt Langer: I will suck any part of any person to guarantee this.
@Matt Langer I will also offer myself up for sucking duties
Cee-Lo Green?
Is this how the peasants joke?
@katiechasm "'Bang,' right? That's what the low-borns say?"
The UPS guy.*
*they do have UPS in Yurp.
I love this tweet and I hate all of you.
@katiebakes Joyless nincompoops, every last one. AND NO THEY MAY NOT HAVE ANY OF OUR WINE WITH ICE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
@katiebakes I take it back, you're not good people.
@saythatscool True. I'm GOOP people! (shows self out)
@katiebakes Yeah. My immediate thought in seeing this is "Brad Pitt chose… poorly."
@jolie So this wine-with-ice thing is you kidding, right? This isn't actually a real thing that you, an adult human, do? I mean, I don't want to have to disavow any association with you, but you're sorting making me.
@IBentMyWookie Yeah no it's real. In my defense, it's never particularly good wine.
Anyway, I'll miss you tremendously but do what you gotta do lady.
@jolie "I like to make bad wine worse" is no kind of defence.
@IBentMyWookie Tough but fair
And just like that… POOF! I love Gwyneth Paltrow.
sex for a coldplay album? why? so you can weep after?
@becky@twitter …and during!
I find the text funny, but the operative word is usually "blow".
The only way this could possibly end well is if the answer is Denise Richards, right?
@Clarence Rosario OMG. MISS U, DENISE RICHARDS.
I am probably the only one who thought she got both Emma and Plath right? and therefore excuse/delete from memory Shakespeare in Love.
Aye, I probably am.
@dntsqzthchrmn: As much as I love Jeremy Northam and Ewan Macgregor, latest PBS Emma was better than Gwyneth Emma.
@Bittersweet: Did not know! Thank you. Next time I have the Austen urge and can't be bothered to read, I will look it up.
Don't make me like Gwyneth! My hate is all I haaaaaaave
WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT MORE COLDPLAY. It's like asking who you have to fuck to get another domestic terrorism incident.
@deepomega Because bitch be evil.
Who knew Gwyneth Paltrow has a commercial (i.e. financial) interest in promoting Coldplay?!