Thursday, July 28th, 2011
24

The Yogurt Industry Is Totally Out of Control!

"Yogurt science has gone too far. We have yogurts that make you go, yogurts from Greece that you cut like brie (mmm, fat), yogurts that taste like enchilada-style burritos. Do you remember WOW chips? What are we looking for from food? Do we really want food with which you can stuff yourself without getting full or without the benefits of energy? Look, like with Diet Cokes, sometimes you want to eat eight pounds of something without feeling like Gilbert Grape’s mom (sometimes I do! Sometimes humans are the shape of our own shame, like a shadow on the ground we need to cover with popcorn and gum wrappers and toast to PROVE WE EXIST), but what did we learn from WOW chips and the dairy-free sugar-free froyo fad from the early 2000’s? I’ll tell you what: nothing, because of these yogurts."
The culture (LOL) of the yogurt industry is going to undo us all.

24 Comments / Post A Comment

I gave up on yogurt and switched to kvass.

BadUncle (#153)

All of this makes me wonder why Donald Sutherland didn't name his son after yogurt, rather than kiefer.

saythatscool (#101)

@BadUncle Pretty cheesy, Unc.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

@saythatscool Meh. You can only milk this one for puns so much.

saythatscool (#101)

@boyofdestiny The creme de la creme could find a way.

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)

@saythatscool Yo, play on words isn't easy.

saythatscool (#101)

@SidAndFinancy I recall reading that in your dairy once.

roboloki (#1,724)

@saythatscool that was whey over the top.

saythatscool (#101)

@roboloki Quiet you Curd.

BadUncle (#153)

@saythatscool You're going out on a Limburger with this. No gouda will come of it.

saythatscool (#101)

@BadUncle I like to churn things up from time to time.

Patashoqua (#19,756)

@saythatscool You guys really took this idea and rennet into the ground.

(I may or may not have created an account just to post this. The shame!)

deepomega (#1,720)

Racially fraught.

Matt (#26)

REAL TALK

Cotter Martin (#17,011)

Hmm, yogurt fed veal is an idea thats waiting to hit.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CURDS!

katherine (#10,025)

You can pry my pomegranate yogurt out of my cold, just-woke-up-and-eating-breakfast hands.

Granger Danger (#2,831)

@katherine Your hands have mouths? That eat breakfast? How Lovecraftian.

katherine (#10,025)

@Velvet Dark Don't all hands?

cherrispryte (#444)

I hate yogurt. Absolutely hate it.

No discussion of yogurt is complete without Sarah Haskins' Target Women segment on yogurt

becky@twitter (#14,213)

i have no problem with yogurt. pepsi yogurt, however, makes me want to vom.

Tully Mills (#6,486)

Never thought I would google pepsi yogurt before noon again.

Pandemic Endemic (#3,825)

I can't wait til they come out with Pudding Coke.

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