7
"Sperm Whales Speak In Accents"
[Scene: The ocean. Two sperm whales, swimming in opposite directions, tentatively approach each other. They begin to speak.]
SPERM WHALE: Hey, boy, how you doin'? Y'all hear that Schwarzennegger was messin' round with the help?
OTHER SPERM WHALE: Ach, I um zo ashamet. Ashamet, but nod zo much zurprizet.
SPERM WHALE: Well, I don't reckon it reflects on you none. Have a great day now.
OTHER SPERM WHALE: Ja, ja, you too.
[Exeunt omnes]
So then why can't any of them understand this one?
@melis My inner marine biologist wants me to point out that sperm whales are toothed whales, while our heartbreakingly lonely whale is definitely a baleen whale, so they probably wouldn't even speak the same language?
But also, my thoughts went to the lonely whale as soon as I read this too.
My favorite part of Star Trek IV was when the sperm whale dangled Sully from the cliff.
Possible signs that Balk's accent sympathies lie with the Yiddish-inflected whale, as evidenced by improper usage of "Ya'll" (sic):
A. Apostrophication
B. Only one listener-whale present
@Setec Astrology re: y'all. A) there should be an apostrophe, only it goes after the why. B) What? I lived in Texas for five years, and have lived in Virginia for around 15 years, and I can promise you that "y'all" is both singular and plural. In any case, Southern Whale is clearly referring to both Germanic Whale AND his friends/family/co-plankton-strainers.
THIRD WHALE: Speaking of le help. Zees Dominique Strauss-Kahn ees quite zee grande blowhole. N'est pas?
My god, I went to grad school with both of these whales.