That Can Be Our Next Headline: 21 Perfect Stories by The Machines
Using the vital new technology of That Can Be My Next Tweet, which "generates your future tweets based on the DNA of your existing messages," it's easy to discover what should come next in this very space, by analyzing our own Twitter feed.
21 How Pot Makes Gays Feel Better About 'The Pale King'
20 Darkness Falls Across The Mona Lisa: Astrologist Susan Miller Advice Column Pivot
19 Local Gay Caveman Would Be National Paper's Last Pageview
18 Eddie Murphy Just Wanted To Ignore LCD Soundsystem's Reunion
17 'Vanity Fair' Really Is a Bikini Brawl Video Made As A Guide To Richmond, VA, Circa '93
16 Only 14 People More Stupid Than Libyan College Admissions
15 Maybe Insider Trading Is Where You Take A 6" Into Your New Donkey?
14 A Look at the Apocalypse: Confusing Bob Dylan Lady Blames Wall Street Bathroom
13 Baby Bears Cuddle Willie Nelson, Gay Suffers In My Satur Farms Salad Box
12 Being High Makes You Like Italians Acting Like Hitler.
11 An Interview With The First Extrasexual: Digging Up British Doody
10 Remembering Indiana: I Can't Believe They Take In Taints
9 It's Time to Have Casual Sex With Lottery Winners, Part 2: Hot Boyfriend With Drugs!
8 The Bill Hicks Story Looks Like Gayest Fashion Ad Ever
7 Anatomy Of Birthday Pepperoni: Latest Sasha Grey YouTube
6 Freedom Fighters! Obama, Reagan, History of Family Planning
5 Consider The Rabbits, Germany: If You Accidentally Live in Texas 'Hanna' is Confusing
4 Serious Existentialist 'Tsunami Dog' Is The End Of History!
3 Oh, Now Your Bird Feeder Gives You Cancer?
2 Donkey Saves College Basketball From The New Barter Economy: A Poll.
1 Banks Still Don't Do Our Elected Officials After TARP
Matt Langer has a beard, a single-speed bicycle and lives in North Brooklyn.
We are, all of us, obsolete. Is there a way to funnel comments into a twitter feed and then completely automate TheAwl? TheAwltomatic?
Please add this as a recurring feature.
#5 is great but I think I want to marry #4
@caw_caw I think I may have actually read #17.
Slate:
- Pence last week: Finally, a vacation in Romney history for word. The speculation about Twitter bots!
- Richard Branson unveils commercial deep-sea submarine. WATCH: The Forgiveness Machine: interviews DFW's.
- Palin: BREAKING: Appeals court upholds Justice Department challenge of Content Farms.
- How to counter Ryan's Al Gore impression. WATCH: Judges are movie theater snacks?
- Budget deal wrap: Boehner wins, austerity wins, social cons get married–PHOTOS: Beck ending show?
Salon:
- The fate Geraldine Ferraro didn't deserve. Hillary Clinton faces a chance to forget.
- Hypocrisy breaks out the boy who repeatedly called Obama a winner in Libya, targeting arms embargo?
- Maureen Dowd is helping my family grieve. A big Oscar-winner finally makes Miranda rights diatribe — in?
- On Karl Rove's WikiLeaks-for-conservatives site, the mess gets messier Lady Gaga's — the Civil War in!
- McCain was for children — it's point-scoring. How to reporters. Glenn Greenwald questions the liberal"!
Wasn't "The Donkey Who Saved College Basketball" a Fred McMurray movie?
I have actual tears–my own!–in my eyes. Amazing
Take that, Evening Standard Headline Generator!
Well, no, "FAILURE HOUSING FIASCO FIASCO" still wins in my book.
god, even my twitter is just a reposting of other awl commentors
@—–: I shouldnt have… ninety9: women want… It’s St. Elmos Fire. Electric flashes of a crumpet is that.
are we sure that #9 isn't already an Awl post? Almost sure I read that already.
@sharilyn I will write that article if anyone wants me to.
@keisertroll: #7 was tailor-made for saythatscool.
I am SO much more psyched for the Singularity now.
There's been more than one post about donkeys?
@Butterscotch Stalin And only seven posts about the gays?
Of all of them, maybe #12 is the most factually accurate?
Weird! Mine predicted a comment I might actually make:
"Maybe! I'd read a dick, at least Hurt Locker deserved every time I hope that rose was a chance to win 3."
It makes about as much sense as most of my comments.
#15… Is where you're tricked into taking a 6" to them, you stupid machine!