I Do Not Personally Believe that Britney Spears Will Survive the Apocalypse
Britney Spears, who is 29 years young, would have you believe from her latest communique that she is prepared for the end of the world (either this May, in the rapture, or late 2012). I declare that this is horsepucky. Like she's going to do that upheld-arm-elbow-bang dance move (technical term) while people's faces are melting and the cities slide into the sea and just bop off down the road? Has she seen The Book of Eli? (I have, I was sick recently, and boy howdy, that was not ideal.) It's rough out there in the last gasp of civilization, and she has few viable skills necessary for the end times, besides assisting in repopulation… presumably. Until she can change a tire, field-dress an elk and stab someone in the neck—skills you don't really gain whilst being chauffeured and coiffed—I totally certify her as unprepared for the apocalypse. Hence this new video is full of lies.
Little known fact, but the "Britney Spears – Greatest Hits: My Prerogative" DVD is the standard content for internal testing of Microsoft's Windows Media video codec playback by the operating system because of its 60-frame per second interleaved video content.
WHAT!!!
Also because of its "My Prerogative" cover, right?
Actually, no. The DVD menu had a very innovative 3D interface for song selection, so the DVD happened to be around when it came time to test. The music video content exposed some glitches in the codecs so it has become one of the standard pieces of content used to test codec performance.
Stop trying to incite violence here.
Britney's years in the Disney trenches, clawing her way to the top of the Mouseketeer heap, probably equipped her with a few neck-stabbing/tire-changing/field-dressing-like skills.
And her people seem kind of country. She might be better with a rifle than Sarah Palin.
Exactly–no telling what she learned in the wilds of Louisiana pre-Mickey Mouse Club.
Hence this new video is full of booty.
The Rapture was in like 2001. If they'd stuck around longer they could have had a big 5-date send-off show at MSG.
I thought she was the Apocalypse.
Dude you'd better hop on the Ke$haWagon.
Fortunately for me, I am both married and health-conscious.
Why can't she dress an elk? She's probably saved some old outfits.
She looked a lot like Ripley when she shaved her head, though. So there's that.
remember that picture? the eyes, man, the eyes. good lord, the madness in there. there is no question that if i were running through an intersection and up one street were ten frothing zombies and up another one denuded, crazy-eyed britney i would take the ten and my chances.
we could also invoke this.
I don't know whether she'll survive the apocalypse but if she does I'm curious whether her next album would be called "Zombie", "Survivor," "Apocalypse" or "Just Dance."
With any luck it will be simply "Postponed Indefinitely".
I wonder what that would translate to in Britspeak? Maybe "Sex Holiday."
"Boy howdy, it was not ideal." My new go-to diplomatic description of suckitude. Thanks, Choire.
I'm friendly with a former publicist of hers, who had no problem letting me know that Ms. Spears is not the brightest bulb in the lamp.
I am pretty sure her extensions are made of corn by-product (cheeto flavor, of course) so when the apocalypse does happen, the few survivors can huddle around Brit's head for sustenance. That counts as surviving, right?
The awfulness of her extensions never ceases to amaze me. Clearly, based on EVERYONE else's extensions it is possible for them to look good, so what is up with Britney? Does her just like not take to them or what?!
you guys! your commenting thingies have been really mischievious lately! here and the hairpin too… help!
I agree about the kommenting kaos (that's a leading national brand). . .plus we lower-end primates can't set up a link to save our lives. And believe me, you people are MISSING OUT.
In other news: am I the only one who saw a server crash earlier today, in which an ACTUAL AWL (I'm not even in charge of the caps lock here!! (or punctuation: I opted for none. WHO IS IN KONTROL??)) appeared on my screen? What's next? Sitting Bull in a test pattern?