Monday, April 18th, 2011
48

France: This Country Sucks

France, the tourism capital of the world, is actually a xenophobic hellhole of white supremacists carrying baguettes. It is run by a tiny monster in platform shoes, and while France barely cracks the top 100 of most densely populated countries (ranking near Portugal and Albania), it leads the world in nationalist panic and manifestations of emotional scarcity.

Yesterday, a team of young enraged Catholics (with the support of the National Front!) busted into a gallery and destroyed Andres Serrano's "Piss Christ" (how 80s) and another photograph, which depicted… a nun praying. (The vandalized photographs will remain in the exhibition, so people can think about what is wrong with people.) At the same time, France refused to accept a trainload of North African immigrants—with temporary visas—coming from Italy. (Unsurprisingly, they are mostly coming from Tunisia and Libya—and Italy is working with EU countries to send Tunisians back.) France eventually relented, because they had to. (But not without a bad attitude: "La France rejette les critiques italiennes," says Le Monde today.) And who's on France's side? Mmm hmm: Germany.

What's more? "The French spend more time eating and drinking, sleeping and shopping than any other nationality," according to a new study—and are far less likely than other nationalities to have "performed an act of kindness in the past month." Yes: the vast majority of French residents are more likely to have hissed at a woman in a burqa than to have given a tourist directions. When will we start bombing France?

48 Comments / Post A Comment

Sarcastro (#328)

Well-reasoned *AND* insightful. No one's said it better since The Meatmen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QznsGPQSxoU

@Sarcastro: Their opening act is Young Enraged Catholics

hockeymom (#143)

So the French are Republicans, only with sleeping and shopping?

deepomega (#1,720)

@hockeymom A nation of republicans with the work ethic of a 14 year old.

Matt (#26)

So they are… Republicans?

SeanP (#4,058)

I used to get into France-bashing, but the Republicans ruined it for me.

barnhouse (#1,326)

Sacre bleu. Well, thank goodness they're not all like that.

lbf (#2,343)

Also, last time an artwork was vandalized at Yvon Lambert in Avignon, it was kind of awesome and arguably an improvement over the drab emptiness of Cy Twombly's artistic attempts.

pallas (#11,094)

True story: I was once bonked in the head by some idiot pulling the Nazi salute on a Paris metro platform.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

I like it when the country that has Donald Trump leading the polls for Republican ticket nominee criticizes other nations.

gregorg (#30)

@IBentMyWookie America: only our vulgarians' fingers are short.

@gregorg Short…a few billions, amirite?

Lemonade (#11,212)

It's worth mentioning that Le Front National is a fringe group way far right of the average French citizen… much like the Tea Party in the US.

lbf (#2,343)

A fringe group whose leader is ranked #1 for next year's presidential election in some opinion polls. So, no.

Kakapo (#2,312)

@Lemonade Which loony opinion polls are you looking at? I haven't seen any that have her coming anywhere close to winning the election. Mostly, the press is embarrassed that she will possibly get enough votes to make it past the first round.

lbf (#2,343)

I think you meant me. Uh, I didn't say she's gonna, win, she's not. I said she's ranked ahead in opinion polls. 23% = not "a fringe group".
I guess I should have made clear that we got ourselves a scrutin uninominal majoritaire à deux tours, but that's not relevant to the discussion of whether the FN is a looney fringe. They're unfortunately not.

MParcells (#375)

Also, remember World War II? When they surrendered!? Let's bring that up!

Matt (#26)

I know dude that was hilarious.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

What's up with the comments? I fear the day when taking a cheap potshot at France is no longer enjoyable…

saythatscool (#101)

@Tuna Surprise What do you call a pointless race that covers 2,200 miles throughout France?

The French.

Matt (#26)

OH CAN WE DO LAWYER JOKES NEXT??

MichelleDean (#7,041)

Choire, I laughed, but then I thought of this charming iteration of the constitutionally sanctioned exercise of First Amendment rights.

(Not that I don't agree some aspects of French politics are terrible – I think politics everywhere might be terrible! Just, ugh, the poor treatment of Muslims is sort of a universal.)

LondonLee (#922)

The cheese and bread is still better there.

@LondonLee You don't have to actually be in France to enjoy French bread and cheese, you know.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Christ, I'm pissed.

Matt (#26)

Nice one.

Sarkozy got on my shit list when he started fucking with the Gypsies for no reason. It doesn't surprise me that he's getting all right wing on North Africans seeking refuge from their objectively destabilized countries and work to feed their families.

Nicholas Sarkozy has no chic!

joeclark (#651)

I support what France is doing to protect its nationality and civilization. Which will happen first – “we” bomb the French or Islamofascist males (in burkas?) nuke Paris?

amuselouche (#448)

I have to agree – I (sort of ) love them, but they are terrible. I was living there during one of the many rounds of debate about letting Turkey into the EU. Let's just say it's a topic that leads very quickly to some disillusionment in regards to the sophistication of the French.

dado (#102)

Ah…leave the cheese eating surrender monkeys alone.

boswellsjohnson (#10,122)

All true, but only about Paris; people elsewhere were kind. I spent about a third of last year in France because of work and romantic obligations. In the end, I had to bid adieu to the boyfriend because he refused to eat at any North African restaurant since the people were "dirty."

iplaudius (#1,066)

I agree that their motivations are xenophobic, but, on the other hand, accepting immigrants without a plan for integration is irresponsible. France is in enough trouble as it is. I think the solution is not to keep accepting more and more immigrants. Rather, they need to improve social and economic offerings for the immigrants that are already there. Instead of doing things like outlawing headscarves, they should be doing more to help the immigrants lead rich and integrated lives as full and fully recognized citizens. It would take a lot of money and a lot of social programs, but it would make the society better for everybody.

Lockheed Ventura (#5,536)

@iplaudius wrong. French immigration policy obviously must be set by bloggers in New York until France has the optimal population density as so designated by said New York blogger overlords. There is no other choice. Democracy and logic be damned.

joeclark (#651)

@iplaudius Doug Saunders, in his justly celebrated and intensely reported book Arrival City, would agree.

JohnnyP (#10,616)

Oh, fuck OFF! France gets a very unjust rap here in the U.S., but I thought the people who read this site might not be such Republican cum-guzzlers. Furthermore, I was there for several months and I found that: (1) French women are the most beautiful in Europe; and (2) the English and the Germans are less hospitable.

Cal (#9,224)

The hell kind of bullshit article is this? Get fucked!

mrschem (#1,757)

wow. so, people had humor-ectomies over the weekend. jeez!

paperbackwriter (#2,844)

Honestly, flying into Gatwick and facing the Podium Tribunal Of Your English Great-Aunts who would Very Much Like To Know how long you'll be in England and What Your Plans Are While You're In The Country and By The Way, When Are You Leaving Again? was disheartening, but I'm reticent to judge a people based on their border agents. However, when I got to St. Pancras and went through French customs, the French just said, "Bonjour," swiped my passport, and "au revoir." Podium Lady had been very insistent that the French would be Quite Interested in When The Hell I Would Be Leaving Their Country. They weren't.

It bears mentioning that I know a lot of people who have overstayed their welcome in France with no real repercussions, whether it was a student visa or the extraordinarily generous 90-day visa waiver period granted to U.S. citizens by the Shengen countries of the EU. Every single person I've met here, from shop owners and neighbors to bums and titty-bar barkers, has been nice to a fault, which may be because I always speak the language until I literally can no longer explain myself. Everyone that hears an accent wants to know where you're from, and when they find out you're American, they cannot wait to practice their English on you, almost to the point of not allowing you to continue practicing your French. Courtesy is something of a national institution here. The one exception, of course, is the bald-headed waiter at Le Dôme, the formerly literally haunt by the Eiffel Tower that has since become the kind of place Hemingway would have punched in the mouth, who was a cunt from the word aller.

But like everywhere else in the world—New York especially—they don't like obnoxious tourists who don't at least try to ask if they speak English in the language of the land. Unlike New York, Parisians can't avoid tourists by simply staying out of Midtown because the entire city is a tourist destination.

Stop Eyeslum (#238,477)

Choire Sicha, whoever you are, you f******g terrorist, YOU SUCK!

Stop Eyeslum (#238,477)

You f****g amero? You want to bomb other countries, you cunt? Bomb your own ass you fat ugly retarded dignityless moron!

Stop Eyeslum (#238,477)

USA a fascist dictatorship, who did 9/11 the Inside Job, which supports fascist Israel and supports fascist religions, who chemtrails the skies across the world and who consumes the most fat food in the world can criticize something? Get lost! You probably dropped out of primary school to be friends with a chimp.

Arakor (#246,947)

kind!

the country of crime criticizes France, this joke.

and then you talk about bombing …

there's no doubt Americans are really bloodthirsty barbarians.

Arakor (#246,947)

in search of blood, you look at the neighbor to find an excuse for your bloodthirsty impulses, you are the evil of this world.

that you criticize in us is exactly the same with you, much worse

Abx Juno@facebook (#252,640)

Hahaha! This article is just laughable, full of prejudices, hatred, and, in the end, xenophobic.
Considering French are ALL but nothing than racist, imperialist, lazy, rude and crap is just extremely reductive.
What about USA?? who is the worst? Sarkozy or Bush?
hard to say is n't it? How about US treatment of mexican immigrants? How about your life style?
If I would think like you I would see only the worst in your country. I could say the same of any country actually…
France like many countries has a very diverse population in terms of mentality, political views, religion, colour of skin, nice or rude people.
You may have had bad experiences during your stay, does this mean there are no good ones at all?
Try to understand and not judge, your life and your heart will be richer.
I have been in US(and many countries too..) and even if there are things I can hardly understand (because my culture is just different from yours..), I have met very nice people melted with bad ones. Actually I have met a local aspect of courtesy and incivility

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