Thursday, March 10th, 2011
30

Men Should Not Wear Shorts. That Is All.

"For the better part of 30 years, men’s shorts have been inching away from their own breviloquent description. My call for a return to a common-sense inseam has been met over time with complacency, staunch resistance and — on the occasions I’ve dared to lead by example — merciless ribbing. Just as I was beginning to lose heart, it was revealed that several designers are featuring shorter men’s shorts for spring. Revivified, I strode out into the Los Angeles sunshine to gauge whether the American public had regained its appetite for men’s bare thighs."

30 Comments / Post A Comment

keisertroll (#1,117)

This Grant Stockard had me until he used the term "Overton window". If the thought of Glenn Beck in Daisy Dukes does not make you vomit just a little bit in your mouth, nothing will.

Tyler Coates (#451)

Every year I shake my fists in the air at Alex Balk over this silly anti-shorts business, and then I remember that at least I'll be doing my part to reduce my chances of experiencing swamp-ass when I walk around outside in sensible and fashionable shorts.

djfreshie (#875)

Yeah, enough with this no-shorts agenda. Please. Why did I spend winter doing squats then?

Bittersweet (#765)

@djfreshie: egg-zack-ly. I encourage my husband to wear shorts in the summer because he is cute and also a road biker with ridiculous legs so I can walk around with him sporting a proud smile that says, "Suck it, laydeez! Hahahaha!"

djfreshie (#875)

@Bittersweet: No doubt, us bikers respect the need for shorts, both for vanity, and utility. At the very least you'll allow me my plus fours, because I can't afford to replace chain-stained pants all the time. But really…I'm going to wear shorts, I'm going to look good doing it, and I'll never feel guilty for it, because I know I've got better fashion sense than 99% of the perennial pants wearers out there.

Rod T (#33)

Designers started showing shorter men's shorts about four years ago. It's only now that Grant Stockard has noticed them? The Styles section of the Times lives up to its reputation yet again.

City_Dater (#2,500)

For what it's worth, I support you in your lonely quest to make men in an urban environment dress like men in an urban environment, not schoolboys, gym teachers, or rainforest exploration teams.

And I support you. Shorts defenders win all debate for practicality and comfort. That's not the point. In words that we'll soon be asking Peter King, "have we no sense of decency.."

Screen Name (#2,416)

The proper length is cut one inch above the knee. If higher, you'll get splinters in your thighs. If lower, you'll bang your shins into the barrel when trying to run from the police.

los (#2,394)

Please. The proper length is cut one inch below the ankle bone. Any higher and you earn my disdain.

SeanP (#4,058)

Oh, no, not your disdain! All of you anti-shorts people can blow me. Wearing long pants when it's 97 degrees outside is just plain dumb.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Some of us prefer not to risk heat stroke when leaving the house in August. I'm sorry that's offensive to some folks' delicate sensibilities.

deepomega (#1,720)

To you I say: would you walk outside nude? No! There are LIMITS, and shorts are an ABOMINATION (unless you are doing some sort of exercise activity or are at a beach.)

SeanP (#4,058)

Yes, there are limits. Shorts do not exceed them. This whole line of reasoning is ridiculous.

Without shorts, how would I show off my awesome calves, MCL surgery scar and poorly-thought-out tattoo from Canada?

deepomega (#1,720)

Pin up girl whose delicates are covered only by hockey pucks and maple leaves?

HiredGoons (#603)

The appeal of shorter shorts on men is not the exposure of thigh, but rather they make a man's ass look better than baggy over-sized shorts.

bronwyn (#3,351)

Hmmm. I feel like all of you shorts-haters live in places not really near the sea. When a beach trip could happen at any time, you've got to be ready to go. Trousers have no place on a beach. OK, maybe if you are just taking a mid-winter stroll. But not in summer. Maybe linen pants if you are rocking a the colonising English invaders look?

Leon (#6,596)

Generally, NY'ers forget they live on the ocean. Let's have a fight about technicalities then go to Coney Island!

BadUncle (#153)

By all means, let's return men's shorts to a 70's hemline, casting ball-sacks to the wind.

KarenUhOh (#19)

The last time I wore shorts I also received some merciless ribbing, but I was alone.

I'm surprised you made it past "breviloquent."

SeanP (#4,058)

I didn't make it past the guy's picture. That was a remarkably stupid looking outfit.

MythReindeer (#5,553)

I live in New Orleans. Shorts are a necessity in the summer. Naysayers are welcome to bite my sweaty ass. That said, "mid-thigh" is really a bit much.

In other news, that article was terrible.

sfhock (#9,833)

I will wear what I want, when I want, where I want, F**K you very much.

SeanP (#4,058)

Hear, hear.

scrooge (#2,697)

Aye to shorts. Nay, though, to those trousers or shorts whose crotch is worn around the knees so the wearer looks like he's in a chain gain or something. This deliberate hindrance of movement reminds me of those giant boomboxes kids used to encumber themselves with walking the streets in the 70s.

Jimmy2 (#11,514)

I'm a guy and I've been told occasionally that I've got nice legs so why wouldn't I wear shorts? I do not like these long, baggy shorts that are worn by young guys. Don't want to wear short shorts either. I like mid length shorts that fit me.

Kiper (#13,104)

I wear shorts as often as possible. Period. The chickitas love my legs and always tell me so. These unfortunate men that down 'em are just envious. Duh. Plus, what do I care what a douche says? I get more tail than I can handle. Nice.

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