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Local Office Manager Stuck in Elevator
This is relevant not just for the highly-entertaining string of profanities being released on Twitter but because his office discovered he was trapped in the elevator because of said Twitter account.
OMG HAAAAAAAAA I WAS WONDERING WHY HE WASN'T EMAILING ME BACK ABOUT [REDACTED'S] BIRTHDAY PARTY!
Turns out a hammer doesn't help if you're stuck BETWEEN floors. Not for lack of trying!
Meanwhile, Matt Langer is probably making a "GASTRIC BYPASS FOR GUTTY!" Kickstartr Page and brewing mint tea.
I like how "How Do Men Fake Orgasms?" is the first related story.
Never take the fucking elevator. This is what happens. Amateur.
Also he's gonna be SO PISSED when he sees this.
I know, I can't wait.
It's gonna be awesome
At least he has a good excuse for not washing the wine glasses now.
This joke not for dissemination under any uncertain terms.
'the tags cross a line'
@Miles: Don't make me come over there and pluck your chest hairs out one by one, child.
CHECKS UNDER THE BE-EED
THEN OPENS THE DRESSER
HE LOOKS AT THE CLOSET
I PULL OUT MY BERETTA
HE WALKS UP TO THE CLOSET
GET CLOSE UP TO THE CLOSET
NOW HE'S AT THE CLOSET
NOW HE'S OPENIN' THE CLOSET
CLOSET
CLOSET
CLOSET
CLOSET
@ARTIE:
I SAYS NO HE SAYS YES I SAYS NO HE SAYS YES I SAYS YES HE SAYS IT'S THE TRUTH
ALL O'YALL ASS IS CRAZY, LET ME UP OUT DIS ELEVATOR
His real name is Jesse Tyler Ferguson?
(REDDIT PLS TO EXPLAIN THIS JOKE TO EVERYONE)
Tyler the Kreator
Better settle in for the long haul:
http://www.newyorker.com/online/video/2008/04/21/080421_elevators
FREE TYLER
FINALLY, a use for Twitter.
It's like Life Alert for Millennials.
He's gonna be even madder at you for calling him a Millennial than he will be at Choire for elevatorstuckshaming him.
I don't care what that self-loather David Cho has to say: 1983 BABIES ARE NOT MILLENNIALS.
Words of truth, Katie, words of truth.
Bakes explained the Millennial thing to me once but when it comes to doctoral theses I think I'd prefer to read a hard copy.
1983 is a magical little ill-defined moment in time for generational labels.
I'm still sticking with generation mtv.
side note: aren't there a lot of people turning 28 this weekend around here?
What about the Pepsi Generation?
I have socks born in 1983.
Finally, a use for magicians.
It's a metaphor. we all have our own elevator we're stuck in. Tyler's just happens to be an actual elevator in this instance.
My elevator is your mom's vagina.
Send help.
Nonsense. My mother's vagina can hold 12 grown men at a time and sets the industry standard.
@STC: Ask your mom if I can park my RV in there for a couple of months like I did last year.
She says "ok, but no rolling meth lab this time."
Similar to how all of us have an El Guapo to face. Your El Guapo, is half a man's arm reaching far past your duodenum. My El Guapo is a big dangerous man who wants to kill me.
…who also happens to be the actual El Guapo.
Awl's well that ends well, I suppose.
http://twitter.com/tylercoates/status/43037579943231488
Now I really want a life alert twitter bracelet.
I'M ALIVE THANK YOU FOR CARING ABOUT ME. BACK TO WORK.
ALSO, I CALLED MY BOSS BEFORE I TWEETED. GET YR FACTS STRAIGHT.
Lol, lamestream medias.
"Facts"
Don't sell the film rights for less than $2.5 mm, TC.
It's already been done: Terri Garr's post locked-in-the-bathroom tantrum in "Tootsie".
Never comment without looking for @KarenUhOh's better version of what you just said first.
Between the players and the joke references to Tumblr, I'm waiting for Abe's insidery/New York media/Tumblr circle jerk comments.
He's busy. Reporting. Heh.
ABE'S STUCK ON AN ESCALATOR BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ELEVATORS IN MADISON. AND HE WANTS A HAMBURGER AND A BEER.
sheen would have been out hours ago.
#tigerblood
USING ONLY HIS MIND.
He got a job?
oh, and I heard this other dude, he got a sandwich and a coffee.
So, he had his phone/BB to tweet, but he couldn't call or send a direct email to anybody?
He called. See the man himself above.
The Millenials don't like "talking".
Waiting for "127 Minutes," the uplifting (erm) story of one man's entirely forgettable journey. Coming out in manga form this spring.
He deserved it for not putting both names on Lily's birth certificate. #lowhangingfruit