Monday, February 7th, 2011

The New Terrible Trauma for Parents: Slumber Parties

"The sleepover, along with its cousin the slumber party, raises a whole array of emotional issues for children and parents."
Wow, the crazed helicopter-parenting generation has crawled so far inside its own ass that it can no longer make sense of anything.

31 Comments / Post A Comment

freetzy (#7,018)


deepomega (#1,720)

“you definitely want to warn other parents if your child may sleepwalk or have a sleep terror"

Yes, also be sure to warn people if your child is a sleepstabber or a nightmasturbator. Might be a problem.

freetzy (#7,018)

Oh, you don't log your child's masturbation habits in a spreadsheet? COUGHamateurCOUGH.

Bittersweet (#765)

My rectum! My rectum seems so smart but sometimes I'm scared about my rectum.

(They forgot scary potential molester dads and older brothers in litany of Sleepover Things to Freak Out About.)

C_Webb (#855)

Maybe they hadn't quite woken up from their prophylactic naps.

Murgatroid (#2,904)

Amy Chua had it right all along!

jolie (#16)

Eh no not really. None of that stuff is new and bedwetting/ganging up/separation anxiety are all real things parents have to contend with when it comes to slumber parties. That said, yes let's still kill the parents with fire, burn them, burn them!

jolie (#16)

Also I'd like for Choire to host a slumber party for 10 kids, aged 8-9 and then report back to us on his relative trauma level. IS ALL I'M SAYIN'.

Oh, don't get me wrong! Parenting–and groups of children–is beyond me!


C_Webb (#855)

Slumber party sounds a lot like college.

HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

The whole basement/alcohol scenario was every Christmas for me and my cousins until age 13 or so… It made for some epic games of Battleship.

Leon (#6,596)

I once went to a sleep over where we watched Harry & The Hendersons. It was awesome, and I want to do it again. Maybe with a lady. And not a room full of dudes. No other dudes, actually. Just a lady. And maybe not Harry & the Hendersons.

deepomega (#1,720)

Hairy and the Bendoversons.

#I'mhereallweekeverybody #tipyourwaitresses

jolie (#16)

The site is rejecting my attempts to give you the old green thumb, but yeah. I giggled.

Leon (#6,596)

"Giving the green thumb" sounds like something that may or may not be done at my proposed slumber party. Depends on who's into what. I'm not ruling too much out, is all I'm saying.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

I was at a sleepover one time, and a kid sleepwalked and peed in my buddy's hamper. If I had to guess, I'd say he suffered from untreated ADHD, so, you know, trifecta!

Pop Socket (#187)

Once again, I wonder how the hell I survived to adulthood sleeping over on a weekly basis, riding a bicycle without a helmet, and crossing busy intersections without traffic lights.

City_Dater (#2,500)

My brother and I used to fight viciously over riding in the "way back" of the family station wagon with the dog. All of us rattling around loose, without even that mesh net with the suction cups that's supposed to keep the dog from shooting over the seats and out the windshield.
Slumber parties are a fine way to exchange misinformation about sex, learn new dances and experiment with makeup.
No wonder children today are so boring.

Bittersweet (#765)

My sister and I used to argue about who got to sit on the back-seat armrest of my mom's 1968 Volvo.

Plus slumber parties are awesome for squealing over cute guys (real and imaginary/rock star) and stealing from parents' liquor cabinets.

hockeymom (#143)

My children are available to sleep at other people's homes any time, any place. I will ship them free of charge. You may even have them for several days.
See also: O'Henry, Ransom of Red Chief.

amuselouche (#448)

I recently managed to annoy the bejesus out of my mother by informing her that I was taking a trip to Mexico, where she was convinced I would either kidnapped or killed, and then, naturally, proceeding to taunt her mercilessly about the dangerous things I would be doing there. Upon arrival at the first hostel, I checked my email to find a message from her with the subject "Hateful Child – not LOL" and the body "Just know that it will be Ransom of Red Chief if they take you." Yes, I am 30. And I went to a lot of sleep-overs as a child.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I have a sleepover horror story! My friend's mom backed her car into a tree and busted a taillight. The end.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I have another sleepover horror story! My sister's friends took over the TV to watch Spice World. The end.

Leon (#6,596)

I have an awesome sleepover story! His sister's friends took over the TV to watch Spice. The End.

So, who's organizing The SleepAwlver?

C_Webb (#855)

I'll bring the thinspo Tumblr!

jfruh (#713)

"Heidi Stevens quotes an expert who notes that my own professional organization, the American Academy of Pediatrics, doesn’t offer age guidelines for sleepovers and slumber parties."

Ha ha, maybe because that's … not something within a pediatrician's competence to determine? Jesus.

BadUncle (#153)

It surprising because the American Academy of Pediatrician's pays such close attention to other issues like table manners, passing notes in class, and rules for tetherball.

jfruh (#713)

Also: "This is not a new phenomenon. Another classic sleepover tale, Shirley Jackson’s short story “Pajama Party,” from 1957, revolves around the complexities of which 11-year-old girl is willing to sleep near whom after doing or saying what mean thing."

I admit to never having read anything by Shirley Jackson other than "The Lottery." Are all her stories about people's essential cruelty, especially in groups? Because sign me up!

melis (#1,854)


BadUncle (#153)

The only question a sleepover raises is:

"When the fuck are you kids going to shut up and go to sleep??"

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