Get On Your Bike And Die

I have been telling you this all along: exercise is no good for you.

In a new sliding scale of everyday risks that prove the ‘final straw’ in bringing on a heart attack, spending time in traffic – as a driver, cyclist or commuter – tops the list because of factors including stress and exposure to pollution. But of these, cyclists are in greatest danger because they are more heavily exposed to pollution and are subjecting themselves to another major heart attack trigger, exercise.

See, not only will bicycling turn you into a narcissistic prick teeming with self-righteousness and an inability to shut up about how much you’re helping the environment, but it will also kill you. Although I guess that is the kind of self-selecting behavior I am in favor of.