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A Treasury of Videos of People Falling on Ice
As the biggest storm since the early 1790s (estimated) arrives to destroy America (because of our freedom), amazing things are happening all over the country. Ice, for instance, is rising up to overthrow the totalitarian regime that is people. And so all over America, people are falling down. Lots of them. And there are cameras nearby—including creepy dads with security cameras all around their houses?
Also you can push cars.
http://godicingbros.tumblr.com/
Because the only thing more hilarious than a braking a coccyx is a broken coccyx that somehow results in chimp-in-a-dress delivering a whipped-cream-pie-to-the-face
I mean, obviously!
If you push a car in the snow it's important to not wear gloves.
The moment I click on any of these clips, I know I will have ensured my own catastrophic wipeout.
Right? I'm falling down the stairs in my mind right now, just to prepare.
This made the 3 pins in my leg start to ache.
This one is pretty awesome too, includes lots of Dutch kids falling through ice, and out of control cars.
The Best Winter Fails of 2011:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-gZCkSMqdU&feature=player_embedded
1:33
I got stuck in Amsterdam in the December blizzard and you know what? Those poor Dutch people acted like it had never snowed on their sidewalks, they were constantly on their ass, they were neither Hans Brinker NOR the Silver Skates somehow!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLhFIwkbtJI&feature=related
I mean, if a bunch of banana peels suddenly fell from the sky and formed a thick layer on your sidewalk/driveway/road/ramp, would you go out and test how slippery they are?!? C'mon people
So, we're having this blizzard here, right? Two feet+. I had to shovel for ten minutes just to take the trash out this evening, and we keep the garbage in the closet.
Naturally, as one must do in times of crisis, I had to go shopping. You know those news stories of people in the market buying milk, water, TP, eggs? "I have four children at home and they eat $90 worth of Pop Tarts every other day?" Nuh uh. Guess again, Craig. At my local market, I was in line behind ten people buying industrial-sized bottles of the cheapest liquor available. That's when you know it's serious. Let the kids go next door if they want a fucking Pop Tart.
Anyhow: topical point time. Coming out of the market, this REALLY LARGE WOMAN (did I mention, she was big?) did a full-on splat in the parking lot. I mean, I have a lot of empathy for the plus-sized, but this involved most of the lot.
Hence, the moral quandary: do I help this person? This really, REALLY large hernia factory? Do I at least offer, so the other bystanders fleeing the scene can call me a jerk? Or do I go mucho gusto for that urban-asshole vibe and just book out of there before she slides into my vehicle?
I went over to offer help. Goddamn right I'm a humanist. I've recycled, when the weather's decent.
Anyway, as she literally began to drift in my direction, down the gentle incline of the lot–my hands outstretched to receive her, my plaintive voice offering condolence and assistance–she paused in her flailing, albeit strangely and very largely graceful efforts, long enough to glance my way and puff, "You'd better move, Stringbean."
Or, do I retreat to a discrete distance and take a mobile phone video?
That one guy didn't fall down.
Friend of my wife just retired. He walks into a restaurant during a storm. Slips on the wet floor. Busts his ankle in 4 places. He's not walking very well anymore.
My kid's favorite grade school teacher walks out the door two weeks ago. Slips on the ice. Bonks her head. Ignores her doctor's advice to get an MRI or whatever. She dies in her sleep last week.