Tuesday, February 15th, 2011
176

A Few Basic Thoughts on Successful Internet Commenting

From time to time, even our spectacularly intelligent, thoughtful and hilarious commenting community runs into a spot of trouble. That's okay! It happens—pretty much every four months or so, something here provokes heated feelings and words. (And often that's a good thing, in the end. Sometimes, less so, sure.) But in general, things are so relatively well-oiled here (sorry, that sounds gross?) that when there's some conflict, it's surprising and even upsetting! Upsetting to the feeeeeeelings.

So some general thoughts on commenting and on how things work—here, at least.

• Name-calling really never goes anywhere good, anywhere in the world. Hey, you? Don't be calling people names. Thus concludes the latest repetition of that thing you've been told since kindergarten, you silly name-caller. Picture me making my Coach Taylor angry-disappointed face at you when you're calling someone names.

• You are responsible for yourself, which is the greatest freedom of all. (USA! USA!) That means that the editors of this site will not be coming to give you a star for the day (see again: kindergarten), or giving you a "time-out," or what have you. You're not eight years old! The reason I actually like commenters is that they're grown, thinking, playful adults, doing their own thing, with diverse opinions and backgrounds and therefore something to bring to the table. So you are grown up enough to own your behavior and treat people (at least pretty much) the way you'd want to be treated. That is why we have a successful commenting community of smarties: because you get to act in the way you see fit, and it's not because someone's patting you on the head like you were a particularly smart golden lab (which is to say, not that smart, because man, I had to fend off a lab the other day that was trying to get through me to kill its reflection in the mirror, it was not very impressive).

• People can easily mistake your vehemence for rage, insanity or rudeness, and they will treat you accordingly. (This is something that happens to me quite a bit, as I often get very worked up! So, you know, I've been there! Regularly.)

• People can easily mistake your sarcasm for assholism, if you're not careful. (And it's not, we know that: we love sarcasm.) Oh, the "printed" word, with its inability to convey tone without great explication.

• Sometimes you should ask yourself: Am I a man? And if so, am I mansplaining?

• From time to time, I am just plain misunderstood! And that's because I expect people to understand me as if I was saying something to their face. But I'm not—I'm just typing. So sometimes I have to go back to a conversation and say, "Whoa, sorry, I really meant this like that, my bad," or, "Garbage! What I was trying to say was x, and I made it sound like y."

• In terms of this site's administration, we still reserve the right to straight-up ban anyone who seriously uses "tl;dr." You're just too confused! For land's sakes, why would you admit your shameful ignorance in public anyway? Come back when you have the time to "r" something that wasn't really that "l" anyway, future pal!

Hmm. What have I missed?

176 Comments / Post A Comment

KarenUhOh (#19)

That was apt and wonderful.

Where's my fucking Milk Bone?

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Milk Bone Hotel…

IBentMyWookie (#133)

we call those vibrators.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

oh, come ON you bastards! Fucking Milk Bone = vibrator? THAT IS COMEDY GOLD AND IT'S TOO GOOD FOR YOU HOMOSEXUALISTS AND MENSTRUATORS.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Well, but who does that leave?

jolie (#16)

UP YOURS, YOU LONGWINDED FAGHAG BULLY!

Nicely played.

jolie (#16)

This is whispery because I was worried I'd stepped over the line, but *phew* thanks Papa, you know I'm just being cheeky and appreciate this measured post very much. Also: Haaaa at the labs. It's a good thing they're pretty!

kneetoe (#1,881)

@jolie: You failure to mansplain makes you and your comment stupid!

jolie (#16)

@kneetoe: I'll let you guess how much weight the opinion of someone who uses the construct 'You failure to mansplain' carries with me.

kneetoe (#1,881)

tl;d are

(Damnit and you waited til the edit clock had run out).

Multiphasic (#411)

Slow news day?

Signal to Noise (#9,876)

honestly, mansplaining is not one I'd come across in all my time on the Interwebs.

Now I'm panicking and going back through all potential interactions to see if I've unintentionally done this.

metoometoo (#230)

I'm psyched that the term mansplaining is catching on and, better yet, actually seems to provoke some chagrined self-examination on the part of potential mansplainers. I've found it shockingly effective at getting through to my boyfriend when he's being annoying.

riotnrrd (#840)

Sadly, if you're a dude then the answer is "Yes, you have." Further, if you've never even heard of the concept before, then the answer is "Yes, all the time."

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Wait, just being annoying counts as mansplaining? I should just shut my mouth all the time from now on.

metoometoo (#230)

Not necessarily, mansplaining just happens to be my boyfriend's most annoying habit. And lots of other guys' most annoying habit, too, probably.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I have sort of resigned myself to mansplaining. I am a man! I like to talk (or write)! I like to work my way through difficult concepts verbally! I can't imagine that this combination doesn't lead to near-constant mansplaining. Please call me out on it when it happens, but it will happen. I'm sorry.

@bod: Go right ahead, we still have Leon Saint-Jean

katiechasm (#163)

It's only mansplaining if you're wrong.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Just wondering: are mansplainers generally less hot than other men?

dnt, It is more of a size issue.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

It's trash talk's world, we all just comment in it.

MikeBarthel (#1,884)

I thought the problem with mansplaining was that it was condescending because it was a dude explaining to women what they already knew? I guess that is not what Choire said in the linked post, but that was always my sense of it, AS A MAN etc. etc.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

@MB I see what you did there.

MikeBarthel (#1,884)

I used caps!

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I think it's a privilege thing. Like, if I start talking through something somebody understands (which I often do to help myself understand it), and that person is a dude, then he has the privilege of knowing it has nothing to do with his gender. Thus, I'm not mansplaining.

It's like locking your car doors when someone walks by. White dude knows it doesn't have anything to do with his race; black dude would have to wonder. Oh fuck I just mansplained privilege. SEE WHAT I MEAN???

Rick Paulas (#1,565)

"TL;DR" is basically the Tea Party.

Patrick M (#404)

I thought I was mansplaining one time, but I looked again and I was only manscaping.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

That is why we have a successful commenting community of smarties

Nah. We have managed to avoid the gen-pop (the mass of idiotic losers) because this site is not popular enough. So, just keep up with posts that are either too high-brow or just videos of cats and bears.

brent_cox (#40)

In their defense, we're all idiotic losers too, just with manners. ("We". Heh.)

saythatscool (#101)

Go fuck yourself, Brent.

brent_cox (#40)

I was wondering where you were. For three minutes.

Matt (#26)

Fine, but you pry "BV;DR" from my cold, dead hands.

katiebakes (#32)

STRONGLY AGREE.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

LCD;CTRL+W

Miles Klee (#3,657)

What you really need, Matt, is CN;DW — but you end up watching every Chris Nolan movie anyway, don't you.

Matt (#26)

For "research purposes." What you really need is TF;DDHI but you continue to dive headlong into the future don't you.

Br. Seamus (#217)

DVR;ABCB2MBBD

osmium (#7,705)

HS;666

gumplr (#66)

NOTr;DRB

BoHan (#29)

Have you ever thought how awesome life would be if Coach Taylor could follow you around all day and just comment on your life and your comments? I think I really need that. And it's only been a week, so maybe he's available. Make it happen Choire.

BoHan (#29)

Coach Taylor for Awl Comment Moderator. Whee!

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

I actually already do this exact thing for myself: "He's a good boy" etc etc. Way better than Stuart Smalley.

Murgatroid (#2,904)

I've been walking around malls since Wednesday trying to attract a Coach Taylor-type to ask me to take him away.

katiebakes (#32)

Yeah, but then you'd have to deal with the DEMON BABY all day.

BoHan (#29)

Leave Buddy Garrity, Jr. out of this, thank you.

Tully Mills (#6,486)

Shh! She'll hear you, Katie!

Dave Bry (#422)

When I said I read your mom, I really just skimmed her.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

Frankly, the anti-dog agenda of this blog is starting to chafe. I mean, I always assumed that cat people controlled the internet, but to have your bias stated so brazenly and with no concern about recrimination (because you know none will be forthcoming) well, it's chilling.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

And also, we "run into a spot of trouble" do we? Is this while we take the lift to our flat?

Uh oh.

You know, truth be told, I'm probably just still upset about LOSING MY DOG IN THE DIVORCE AND THEN SEEING HIM ON THE STREET BEING WALKED BY SOME IDIOT TWINKY AND THEN THE DOG DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZED ME WHEN I WALKED BY AND THEN THE EX WENT TO PRISON AND THE DOG IMMEDIATELY DIED OF CANCER.

Either that or cats are just smarter.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

Yeah, that was the best Melrose Place ever.

Matt (#26)

FUCK SQUIRRELS.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Cats are smarter.

brent_cox (#40)

Maybe too smart.

Aatom (#74)

I love my dumb dog.

poptarte (#9,982)

Did you already see this? http://www.billinexile.com/?p=34053. All the self-disclosure lately has been a strange, but welcome, surprise.

KenWheaton (#401)

I think this video tells us all we need to know about cat people and their supposed superiority.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojVtm4QYapw&feature=player_embedded

Art Yucko (#1,321)
KenWheaton (#401)

I think I might have to break all of the commenting rules to reply to that video. MY EYES!

Br. Seamus (#217)

RIP EL GATO MACHO

NinetyNine (#98)

No 'THE PROBLEM OF CONVEYING TONE ON THE INTERNET' tag? It's a sad day for call backs and tired jokes.

City_Dater (#2,500)

Not to mention that what is embraced as sarcasm is, in fact, sometimes just assholism.

Matt (#26)

Also he forgot "delete your tumblr."

I like bears.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

No no no, this is a Choire post. Say something about Thom Browne being overrated or just end everything with an exclamation point.

I find Thom Browne unbearable!

Craig Brownson (#4,257)

Sometimes a question mark is more appropriate?

Tulletilsynet (#333)

Because with that inflection it can't be mansplainin'?

roboloki (#1,724)

we can be banned?!?! i thought the worst punishment the awl dealt was assigning animated gifs (and yes, i have been expecting mine for quite some time)

rj77 (#210)

Kyle Chandler's hair approves this post.

hockeymom (#143)

But how do the abs of Tim Riggins feel?

myfanwy (#1,124)

Neglected. Come here, honey, everything will be OK.

Mort Young (#9,769)

Good heavens! I thought we were having a private email conversation. NOW I read this….
So how do you pronounce your name?

Servicey!! And yes, cats are smarter

hockeymom (#143)

This is very useful.
You forced me to look up tl;dr. Which I previously thought was something porny/4chan related so I was always afraid to google it.

Thanks to the great folks @Awl, I now know two new things.
(the other is the definition of Bukaka which is why I didn't want to look up tl;dr)

HelloTitty (#830)

@mom: since you are looking things up, can you look up BV;DR, LCD;CTR-W, AND TF;DDHI for me? (I figured out CN;DW all by myself.) I would ask Matt, Miles, and Art but they're all busy punching each other. Thanks!

Matt (#26)

TB;DG

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

TING-I;BV

gumplr (#66)

anything about LCD Soundsystem; when I clicked close tab

Art Yucko (#1,321)

^ HS;RTH!

Slava (#216)

Not so much punching, as high-fiving.
All day long.

Aatom (#74)

man-fiving.

C_Webb (#855)

LEAVE ARCADE FIRE ALONE!

Matt (#26)

I am so disappointed with the new Radiohead record.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

NONE OF YOU ASSHOLIANS TOLD ME THE NEW COCTEAU TWINS RECORD WAS COMING OUT THIS WEEK.

For those of us unfortunate enough to have been locked in the salt mines for a few days (it really causes my commenting to SUFFER), links to recent commenter dust-ups, plz? I assume one was over here?

Multiphasic (#411)

The selection of Ghostface as a Twitter to follow inspired serious rancor.

saythatscool (#101)

People are quite upset with Dave Bry over his squid coverage.

Bittersweet (#765)

And man oh man are people pissed about Jerry Sloan quitting the Utah Jazz. Got everyone fired up.

Matt (#26)

People are really upset with the posts about commenters allowing us to comment about ourselves 800 times.

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

I spit pizza through my nose just now.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

@Clare: Would it be easier if I put it in a pie chart for you?

Annie K. (#3,563)

@Clarence, no one will answer you true, but really I think it was the feminism post by Ms. Myles. The comments had a lot of long words in them and were, as they say, deeply felt.

I don't understand that – the comments didn't seem so out of control. Certainly not enough to lead to hurt feeeeeelings.

Annie K. (#3,563)

I could be wrong. The tone of those comments was definitely non-Awlian though.

Bittersweet (#765)

@Annie: that was my thought, too. Assumed Uncle Choire saw some of the names flying around those comments and dropped us this gentle reminder.

BadUncle (#153)

Who's the Old Spice sailor in the photo?

saythatscool (#101)

You know "mansplaining" is going to have about the same shelf life as "microcelebrity."

I have no idea what it means and I fear for my sanity if I click on the "mansplaining" link.

saythatscool (#101)

As a cutesy internet concept it should last about as long as an Alex Balk guest editing on Deadspin.

cherrispryte (#444)

I think mansplaining is neither cutesy and actually something that happens frequently and is a problem, but I'm not going to say that because I just want the cool boys to like me.

saythatscool (#101)

Well you couldn't have found two cooler cats than res and me. We're "other side of the pillow" cool. That's how cool we are.

I just read it. What a fabricated meme.

You want to know what it not fabricated? Womapetition.

Woman + Repetition, amirite? Yes. I am.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Womanagging

BadUncle (#153)

Why are there no womanatees?

kneetoe (#1,881)

speed boat propellers?

I was told there would be lemon squares!

Multiphasic (#411)

Nonono, you're fucking it up.

I was told there would be lemon squares, dickface.

C_Webb (#855)

I was TOLD there would be lemon squares, dickface?

hman (#53)

I am going to take the best of Splitsider and the best of The Hairpin and make a super-site called SPLITTINGHAIRS.COM. (j/k!)

saythatscool (#101)

I prefer splitnspin.com

katiechasm (#163)

Finally, the medical tragedy blog we've all been waiting for.

kneetoe (#1,881)

pinsnneedles (oh, crap, that's not a needle!).

riggssm (#760)

@katie … or the porn site.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Needs more Jeff Berea.

zidaane (#373)

I hope they haven't gone and done something silly like medicate him.

C_Webb (#855)

Lemme try: "WHAT YOU STUPID TOOLS DONT KNO ABOUT EVERYTHING WOULD FILL A BLUEBERRY SPATSHITZ HYDROPONIC WAFFLETONSILS my motherrr FRACK beherebehere:flamango"

katiechasm (#163)

Maybe people don't understand your tone because you use so many exclamation points! Which can come off as excited! Or sometimes just condescending!

Matt (#26)

I don't understand how you mean?

katiechasm (#163)

Sometimes Choire's writing sounds condescending because he uses a lot of exclamation marks and simple language, especially when explaining things or telling people what to do (e.g. this post). I'm sure he's not trying to be but that's how I perceive his Tone On The Internet.

osmium (#7,705)

I don't understand how you mean!

myfanwy (#1,124)

But I like the exclamation marks! It's like we're friends!

This comment is sarcasm free

Annie K. (#3,563)

I like the caps too! Like we're SO HAPPY to see each other!

BadUncle (#153)

Conversely, I would like greater attention paid to the umlaut.

kneetoe (#1,881)

I learned about CAPS LOC and !!!! from Choire (if, in fact, that IS his name). Thank you Choire.

I'm most impressed that this post has managed to resurrect the year-old mansplaining post to the Most Viewed list.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Choire–I think this would be more effective if someone pulled out various comments that violate each of the rules, and then we all get to say really rude things to the non-complying commenters. I'll get started on it.

Related: What ever happened to STC's "Less Stupid" comment roundups?

Multiphasic (#411)

Nothing made the cut.

/phoning-it-in

saythatscool (#101)

I was always worried that I was pissing off everybody by doing that roundup. I know there is a bad feeling about commenter kudos in any form around here but you all crack me up so much, I wanted to give you some recognition. When I stopped doing it, nobody really seemed to care, but if you want me to reinstitute it and it's ok with Choire, I'll start again.

If you want Commenter Roundup again, thumbs up this comment. If I get 20 thumbs, I'll start doing it again. If I don't, I'll just leave it be.

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

If you get fifteen thumbs up, you win a grammy.

myfanwy (#1,124)

I don't perform well under pressure.

roboloki (#1,724)

has any comment gotten 20 thumbs up? thumb ups? thumbs ups?

deepomega (#1,720)

I WAS THE TWENTIETH THUMB. I wasn't going to thumb it because, you know, but then I saw it sitting there at 19. How could I not!

This is why we need a "thumbs down" button.

(Full disclosure – I don't think I've ever seen an stc comment roundup)

zidaane (#373)

I would like to see a special "cho" down button.
Comments detrimental to the cume.

HelloTitty (#830)

Vehemence mistaken for rage, insanity, or rudeness explains why I am so crazy pissed off all the time you fuckers.

matt_t (#4,426)

FIRST!!!111ononeone

Who ARE you people?????

zidaane (#373)

I don't like gang bangs.

Best Wishes,
Marlon Brando

Savoy

dikwad (#2,308)

Summary please.

Matt (#26)

Whoa, Jake Lodwick callback, 10.0 best new Rushatar.

caw_caw (#5,641)

What can I do to get you to consider changing your mind about the No Petting Rule

deepomega (#1,720)

Lats.

Matt (#26)

Lots.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Can we do big toes instead of thumbs?

jolie (#16)

I love this idea. OH MY GOD OR??? Can we do awls instead of thumbs?

Matt (#26)

Or lil' bears.

garge (#736)

Rainbow Balk Dollies that change color numerically and, I guess, have a ceiling of 7.

zidaane (#373)

Erections that progress.

belltolls (#184)

Where's Conbon and Furious George?

Leon (#6,596)

Hey guys is this the party I brought the zima and andy capp hot fries.

Flashman (#418)

Clear Eyez, Polite Comments, Can't Lose

bthny (#2,907)

Can someone write a post about how Coach Taylor is a Perfect Man? Is that what this post is for, telling you all what to write about? I didn't really read it.

I still don't really know what the "faghag" reference was all about.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

The following comment is obviously NAWT TL&DR since you all obviously have read it already.

1.
KarenUhOh (#19)

That was apt and wonderful.

Where's my fucking Milk Bone?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Reply » 0
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dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Milk Bone Hotel…
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Reply » 0
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IBentMyWookie (#133)

we call those vibrators.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Reply » 2
o
IBentMyWookie (#133)

oh, come ON you bastards! Fucking Milk Bone = vibrator? THAT IS COMEDY GOLD AND IT'S TOO GOOD FOR YOU HOMOSEXUALISTS AND MENSTRUATORS.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Reply » 0
o
KarenUhOh (#19)

Well, but who does that leave?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Reply » 1
2.
jolie (#16)

UP YOURS, YOU LONGWINDED FAGHAG BULLY!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Reply » 5
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Deleted by user
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:38 pm
o
Deleted by user
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:41 pm
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Choire Sicha (#2)

Nicely played.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Reply » 0
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jolie (#16)

This is whispery because I was worried I'd stepped over the line, but *phew* thanks Papa, you know I'm just being cheeky and appreciate this measured post very much. Also: Haaaa at the labs. It's a good thing they're pretty!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Reply » 0
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kneetoe (#1,881)

@jolie: You failure to mansplain makes you and your comment stupid!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Reply » 0
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jolie (#16)

@kneetoe: I'll let you guess how much weight the opinion of someone who uses the construct 'You failure to mansplain' carries with me.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Reply » 4
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kneetoe (#1,881)

tl;d are

(Damnit and you waited til the edit clock had run out).
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Reply » 0
3.
Multiphasic (#411)

Slow news day?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Reply » 2
4.
Signal to Noise (#9,876)

honestly, mansplaining is not one I'd come across in all my time on the Interwebs.

Now I'm panicking and going back through all potential interactions to see if I've unintentionally done this.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Reply » 0
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metoometoo (#230)

I'm psyched that the term mansplaining is catching on and, better yet, actually seems to provoke some chagrined self-examination on the part of potential mansplainers. I've found it shockingly effective at getting through to my boyfriend when he's being annoying.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Reply » 0
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riotnrrd (#840)

Sadly, if you're a dude then the answer is "Yes, you have." Further, if you've never even heard of the concept before, then the answer is "Yes, all the time."
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Reply » 2
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boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Wait, just being annoying counts as mansplaining? I should just shut my mouth all the time from now on.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Reply » 0
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metoometoo (#230)

Not necessarily, mansplaining just happens to be my boyfriend's most annoying habit. And lots of other guys' most annoying habit, too, probably.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Reply » 0
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DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I have sort of resigned myself to mansplaining. I am a man! I like to talk (or write)! I like to work my way through difficult concepts verbally! I can't imagine that this combination doesn't lead to near-constant mansplaining. Please call me out on it when it happens, but it will happen. I'm sorry.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Reply » 0
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Deleted by user
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm
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Butterscotch Stalin (#5,842)

@bod: Go right ahead, we still have Leon Saint-Jean
Posted on February 16, 2011 at 1:46 am
Reply » 0
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katiechasm (#163)

It's only mansplaining if you're wrong.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Reply » 4
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Deleted by user
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:08 pm
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dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Just wondering: are mansplainers generally less hot than other men?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Reply » 0
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Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm
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kitten_witawip (#99)

dnt, It is more of a size issue.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:21 pm
Reply » 0
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dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

It's trash talk's world, we all just comment in it.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Reply » 0
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MikeBarthel (#1,884)

I thought the problem with mansplaining was that it was condescending because it was a dude explaining to women what they already knew? I guess that is not what Choire said in the linked post, but that was always my sense of it, AS A MAN etc. etc.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Reply » 2
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dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

@MB I see what you did there.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Reply » 0
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MikeBarthel (#1,884)

I used caps!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Reply » 0
5.
Rick Paulas (#1,565)

"TL;DR" is basically the Tea Party.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Reply » 0
6.
Patrick M (#404)

I thought I was mansplaining one time, but I looked again and I was only manscaping.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Reply » 2
7.
Niko Bellic (#1,312)

That is why we have a successful commenting community of smarties

Nah. We have managed to avoid the gen-pop (the mass of idiotic losers) because this site is not popular enough. So, just keep up with posts that are either too high-brow or just videos of cats and bears.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Reply » 3
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brent_cox (#40)

In their defense, we're all idiotic losers too, just with manners. ("We". Heh.)
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Reply » 1
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saythatscool (#101)

Go fuck yourself, Brent.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Reply » 10
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brent_cox (#40)

I was wondering where you were. For three minutes.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Reply » 3
8.
Matt (#26)

Fine, but you pry "BV;DR" from my cold, dead hands.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Reply » 2
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katiebakes (#32)

STRONGLY AGREE.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Reply » 2
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Art Yucko (#1,321)

LCD;CTRL+W
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Reply » 0
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Miles Klee (#3,657)

What you really need, Matt, is CN;DW — but you end up watching every Chris Nolan movie anyway, don't you.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Reply » 1
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Matt (#26)

For "research purposes." What you really need is TF;DDHI but you continue to dive headlong into the future don't you.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Reply » 0
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FlipperBaby (#217)

DVR;ABCB2MBBD
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Reply » 0
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osmium (#7,705)

HS;666
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Reply » 1
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gumplr (#66)

NOTr;DRB
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Reply » 0
9.
BoHan (#29)

Have you ever thought how awesome life would be if Coach Taylor could follow you around all day and just comment on your life and your comments? I think I really need that. And it's only been a week, so maybe he's available. Make it happen Choire.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Reply » 1
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BoHan (#29)

Coach Taylor for Awl Comment Moderator. Whee!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Reply » 0
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dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

I actually already do this exact thing for myself: "He's a good boy" etc etc. Way better than Stuart Smalley.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Reply » 0
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Murgatroid (#2,904)

I've been walking around malls since Wednesday trying to attract a Coach Taylor-type to ask me to take him away.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Reply » 1
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katiebakes (#32)

Yeah, but then you'd have to deal with the DEMON BABY all day.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Reply » 0
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BoHan (#29)

Leave Buddy Garrity, Jr. out of this, thank you.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 10:30 pm
Reply » 0
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TullyMMills (#6,486)

Shh! She'll hear you, Katie!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 11:00 pm
Reply » 0
10.
Dave Bry (#422)

When I said I read your mom, I really just skimmed her.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Reply » 13
11.
IBentMyWookie (#133)

Frankly, the anti-dog agenda of this blog is starting to chafe. I mean, I always assumed that cat people controlled the internet, but to have your bias stated so brazenly and with no concern about recrimination (because you know none will be forthcoming) well, it's chilling.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Reply » 2
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IBentMyWookie (#133)

And also, we "run into a spot of trouble" do we? Is this while we take the lift to our flat?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Reply » 2
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Choire Sicha (#2)

Uh oh.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Reply » 0
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Choire Sicha (#2)

You know, truth be told, I'm probably just still upset about LOSING MY DOG IN THE DIVORCE AND THEN SEEING HIM ON THE STREET BEING WALKED BY SOME IDIOT TWINKY AND THEN THE DOG DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZED ME WHEN I WALKED BY AND THEN THE EX WENT TO PRISON AND THE DOG IMMEDIATELY DIED OF CANCER.

Either that or cats are just smarter.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Reply » 8
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IBentMyWookie (#133)

Yeah, that was the best Melrose Place ever.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Reply » 2
o
Matt (#26)

FUCK SQUIRRELS.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Reply » 1
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Art Yucko (#1,321)

Cats are smarter.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Reply » 0
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brent_cox (#40)

Maybe too smart.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Reply » 0
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KenWheaton (#401)

I think this video tells us all we need to know about cat people and their supposed superiority.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojVtm4QYapw&feature=player_embedded
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Reply » 0
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Art Yucko (#1,321)

Ken, I think we need to have a chat.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Reply » 0
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KenWheaton (#401)

I think I might have to break all of the commenting rules to reply to that video. MY EYES!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Reply » 0
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FlipperBaby (#217)

RIP EL GATO MACHO
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 10:08 pm
Reply » 0
12.
NinetyNine (#98)

No 'THE PROBLEM OF CONVEYING TONE ON THE INTERNET' tag? It's a sad day for call backs and tired jokes.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Reply » 0
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City_Dater (#2,500)

Not to mention that what is embraced as sarcasm is, in fact, sometimes just assholism.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Reply » 0
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Matt (#26)

Also he forgot "delete your tumblr."
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Reply » 0
13.
NotAndersonCooper (#158)

I like bears.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Reply » 0
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IBentMyWookie (#133)

No no no, this is a Choire post. Say something about Thom Browne being overrated or just end everything with an exclamation point.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Reply » 1
o
NotAndersonCooper (#158)

I find Thom Browne unbearable!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Reply » 4
o
Craig Brownson (#4,257)

Sometimes a question mark is more appropriate?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Reply » 2
o
Tulletilsynet (#333)

Because with that inflection it can't be mansplainin'?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Reply » 0
14.
roboloki (#1,724)

we can be banned?!?! i thought the worst punishment the awl dealt was assigning animated gifs (and yes, i have been expecting mine for quite some time)
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Reply » 0
15.
rj77 (#210)

Kyle Chandler's hair approves this post.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Reply » 0
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hockeymom (#143)

But how do the abs of Tim Riggins feel?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Reply » 1
o
myfanwy (#1,124)

Neglected. Come here, honey, everything will be OK.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Reply » 0
16.
Mort Young (#9,769)

Good heavens! I thought we were having a private email conversation. NOW I read this….
So how do you pronounce your name?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Reply » 0
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FlipperBaby (#217)

ə
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Reply » 1
o
katiechasm (#163)

Schwa-r.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Reply » 1
o
Art Yucko (#1,321)

"Choice".
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Reply » 4
17.
RonMwangaguhunga (#242)

USA! USA!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Reply » 0
18.
Fishnets and Cigarettes (#109)

Servicey!! And yes, cats are smarter
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Reply » 0
19.
hockeymom (#143)

This is very useful.
You forced me to look up tl;dr. Which I previously thought was something porny/4chan related so I was always afraid to google it.

Thanks to the great folks @Awl, I now know two new things.
(the other is the definition of Bukaka which is why I didn't want to look up tl;dr)
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Reply » 0
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HelloTitty (#830)

@mom: since you are looking things up, can you look up BV;DR, LCD;CTR-W, AND TF;DDHI for me? (I figured out CN;DW all by myself.) I would ask Matt, Miles, and Art but they're all busy punching each other. Thanks!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Reply » 1
o
Matt (#26)

TB;DG
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Reply » 0
o
A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

TING-I;BV
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Reply » 0
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gumplr (#66)

anything about LCD Soundsystem; when I clicked close tab
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Reply » 0
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Art Yucko (#1,321)

^ HS;RTH!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Reply » 0
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Slava (#216)

Not so much punching, as high-fiving.
All day long.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Reply » 0
20.
C_Webb (#855)

LEAVE ARCADE FIRE ALONE!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Reply » 2
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Matt (#26)

I am so disappointed with the new Radiohead record.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Reply » 0
o
Art Yucko (#1,321)

NONE OF YOU ASSHOLIANS TOLD ME THE NEW COCTEAU TWINS RECORD WAS COMING OUT THIS WEEK.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Reply » 0
21.
Clarence Rosario (#134)

For those of us unfortunate enough to have been locked in the salt mines for a few days (it really causes my commenting to SUFFER), links to recent commenter dust-ups, plz? I assume one was over here?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Reply » 0
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Multiphasic (#411)

The selection of Ghostface as a Twitter to follow inspired serious rancor.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Reply » 1
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saythatscool (#101)

People are quite upset with Dave Bry over his squid coverage.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Reply » 0
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Bittersweet (#765)

And man oh man are people pissed about Jerry Sloan quitting the Utah Jazz. Got everyone fired up.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Reply » 0
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Matt (#26)

People are really upset with the posts about commenters allowing us to comment about ourselves 800 times.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Reply » 2
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A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

I spit pizza through my nose just now.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Reply » 0
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Tulletilsynet (#333)

@Clare: Would it be easier if I put it in a pie chart for you?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Reply » 0
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Annie K. (#3,563)

@Clarence, no one will answer you true, but really I think it was the feminism post by Ms. Myles. The comments had a lot of long words in them and were, as they say, deeply felt.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm
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formerly it takes a lot etc. (#87)

I don't understand that – the comments didn't seem so out of control. Certainly not enough to lead to hurt feeeeeelings.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Reply » 0
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Annie K. (#3,563)

I could be wrong. The tone of those comments was definitely non-Awlian though.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Reply » 0
22.
BadUncle (#153)

Who's the Old Spice sailor in the photo?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Reply » 0
23.
saythatscool (#101)

You know "mansplaining" is going to have about the same shelf life as "microcelebrity."
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Reply » 0
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resipsaloquacious (#111)

I have no idea what it means and I fear for my sanity if I click on the "mansplaining" link.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Reply » 0
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saythatscool (#101)

As a cutesy internet concept it should last about as long as an Alex Balk guest editing on Deadspin.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Reply » 0
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cherrispryte (#444)

I think mansplaining is neither cutesy and actually something that happens frequently and is a problem, but I'm not going to say that because I just want the cool boys to like me.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Reply » 8
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saythatscool (#101)

Well you couldn't have found two cooler cats than res and me. We're "other side of the pillow" cool. That's how cool we are.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Reply » 0
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resipsaloquacious (#111)

I just read it. What a fabricated meme.

You want to know what it not fabricated? Womapetition.

Woman + Repetition, amirite? Yes. I am.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Reply » 4
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kneetoe (#1,881)

Womanagging
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Reply » 1
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BadUncle (#153)

Why are there no womanatees?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Reply » 0
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kneetoe (#1,881)

speed boat propellers?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 10:08 pm
Reply » 1
24.
RonMwangaguhunga (#242)

I was told there would be lemon squares!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Reply » 1
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Multiphasic (#411)

Nonono, you're fucking it up.

I was told there would be lemon squares, dickface.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Reply » 1
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C_Webb (#855)

I was TOLD there would be lemon squares, dickface?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Reply » 0
25.
hman (#53)

I am going to take the best of Splitsider and the best of The Hairpin and make a super-site called SPLITTINGHAIRS.COM. (j/k!)
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Reply » 0
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saythatscool (#101)

I prefer splitnspin.com
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Reply » 1
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katiechasm (#163)

Finally, the medical tragedy blog we've all been waiting for.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Reply » 3
o
kneetoe (#1,881)

pinsnneedles (oh, crap, that's not a needle!).
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Reply » 0
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riggssm (#760)

@katie … or the porn site.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Reply » 0
26.
KarenUhOh (#19)

Needs more Jeff Berea.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Reply » 9
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zidaane (#373)

I hope they haven't gone and done something silly like medicate him.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Reply » 0
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C_Webb (#855)

Lemme try: "WHAT YOU STUPID TOOLS DONT KNO ABOUT EVERYTHING WOULD FILL A BLUEBERRY SPATSHITZ HYDROPONIC WAFFLETONSILS my motherrr FRACK beherebehere:flamango"
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Reply » 0
27.
katiechasm (#163)

Maybe people don't understand your tone because you use so many exclamation points! Which can come off as excited! Or sometimes just condescending!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Reply » 0
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Matt (#26)

I don't understand how you mean?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Reply » 3
o
katiechasm (#163)

Sometimes Choire's writing sounds condescending because he uses a lot of exclamation marks and simple language, especially when explaining things or telling people what to do (e.g. this post). I'm sure he's not trying to be but that's how I perceive his Tone On The Internet.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Reply » 1
o
osmium (#7,705)

I don't understand how you mean!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Reply » 7
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myfanwy (#1,124)

But I like the exclamation marks! It's like we're friends!

This comment is sarcasm free
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Reply » 1
o
Annie K. (#3,563)

I like the caps too! Like we're SO HAPPY to see each other!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Reply » 2
o
BadUncle (#153)

Conversely, I would like greater attention paid to the umlaut.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Reply » 0
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kneetoe (#1,881)

I learned about CAPS LOC and !!!! from Choire (if, in fact, that IS his name). Thank you Choire.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Reply » 0
28.
Setec Astrology (#324)

I'm most impressed that this post has managed to resurrect the year-old mansplaining post to the Most Viewed list.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Reply » 0
29.
kneetoe (#1,881)

Choire–I think this would be more effective if someone pulled out various comments that violate each of the rules, and then we all get to say really rude things to the non-complying commenters. I'll get started on it.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Reply » 0
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Pope of Chilitown (#2,726)

Related: What ever happened to STC's "Less Stupid" comment roundups?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Reply » 0
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Multiphasic (#411)

Nothing made the cut.

/phoning-it-in
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Reply » 0
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saythatscool (#101)

I was always worried that I was pissing off everybody by doing that roundup. I know there is a bad feeling about commenter kudos in any form around here but you all crack me up so much, I wanted to give you some recognition. When I stopped doing it, nobody really seemed to care, but if you want me to reinstitute it and it's ok with Choire, I'll start again.

If you want Commenter Roundup again, thumbs up this comment. If I get 20 thumbs, I'll start doing it again. If I don't, I'll just leave it be.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Reply » 25
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A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

If you get fifteen thumbs up, you win a grammy.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Reply » 1
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myfanwy (#1,124)

I don't perform well under pressure.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Reply » 0
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roboloki (#1,724)

has any comment gotten 20 thumbs up? thumb ups? thumbs ups?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Reply » 3
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deepomega (#1,720)

I WAS THE TWENTIETH THUMB. I wasn't going to thumb it because, you know, but then I saw it sitting there at 19. How could I not!
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Reply » 0
o
Butterscotch Stalin (#5,842)

This is why we need a "thumbs down" button.

(Full disclosure – I don't think I've ever seen an stc comment roundup)
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Reply » 3
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zidaane (#373)

I would like to see a special "cho" down button.
Comments detrimental to the cume.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Reply » 0
30.
HelloTitty (#830)

Vehemence mistaken for rage, insanity, or rudeness explains why I am so crazy pissed off all the time you fuckers.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Reply » 0
31.
matt_t (#4,426)

FIRST!!!111ononeone
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Reply » 0
32.
Fishnets and Cigarettes (#109)

Who ARE you people?????
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Reply » 1
33.
Deleted by user
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm
34.
zidaane (#373)

I don't like gang bangs.

Best Wishes,
Marlon Brando

Savoy
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Reply » 1
35.
dikwad (#2,308)

Summary please.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Reply » 0
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Matt (#26)

Whoa, Jake Lodwick callback, 10.0 best new Rushatar.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Reply » 1
36.
caw_caw (#5,641)

What can I do to get you to consider changing your mind about the No Petting Rule
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Reply » 0
37.
deepomega (#1,720)

Lats.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Reply » 0
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Matt (#26)

Lots.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Reply » 0
38.
KarenUhOh (#19)

Can we do big toes instead of thumbs?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 7:04 pm
Reply » 0
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jolie (#16)

I love this idea. OH MY GOD OR??? Can we do awls instead of thumbs?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Reply » 0
o
Matt (#26)

Or lil' bears.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Reply » 1
o
garge (#736)

Rainbow Balk Dollies that change color numerically and, I guess, have a ceiling of 7.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 8:14 pm
Reply » 2
o
zidaane (#373)

Erections that progress.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 8:25 pm
Reply » 0
39.
belltolls (#184)

Where's Conbon and Furious George?
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 8:26 pm
Reply » 1
40.
Leon Saint-Jean (#6,596)

Hey guys is this the party I brought the zima and andy capp hot fries.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Reply » 0
41.
Flashman (#418)

Clear Eyez, Polite Comments, Can't Lose
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Reply » 1
42.
bthny (#2,907)

Can someone write a post about how Coach Taylor is a Perfect Man? Is that what this post is for, telling you all what to write about? I didn't really read it.
Posted on February 15, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Reply » 0
43.
Butterscotch Stalin (#5,842)

I still don't really know what the "faghag" reference was all about.
Posted on February 16, 2011 at 1:59 am
Reply » 0

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Repetitive maybe, but that was not specified in the instructions.

First of all parlay is only for Commenters. And the Commenter Code is more like guidelines than actual rules.

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

Oh my jesus fucking christman

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

I don't believe you've mentioned your resemblance to Johnny Depp before.

jolie (#16)

Ahhh yeah, that's the good stuff.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Even the trolls are better…

roboloki (#1,724)

needs more animated gifs!

KarenUhOh (#19)

Well maybe not quite that much more.

josh_speed (#97)

I heart The Awl. That is all.

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