Quantcast
 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

85

The Most Emailed 'New York Times' Article Ever

It’s a week before the biggest day of her life, and Anna Williams is multitasking. While waiting to hear back from the Ivy League colleges she’s hoping to attend, the seventeen-year-old senior at one of Manhattan’s most exclusive private schools is doing research for a paper about organic farming in the West Bank, whipping up a batch of vegan brownies, and, like an increasing number of American teenagers, teaching her dog to use an iPad.

For the last two weeks, Anna has been spending more time than usual with José de Sousa Saramago, the Portuguese water dog she named after her favorite writer. (If José Saramago bears an uncanny resemblance to Bo Obama, the First Pet, it’s no coincidence: the two dogs are brothers. Anna’s father was an early fundraiser for Barack Obama; José Saramago was a gift from the President.)

Anna takes José Saramago’s paw in her hands and whispers in his ear. He taps the iPad and the web browser opens. José Saramago gives a little yelp.

“It’s entirely conceivable that a dog could learn simple computer functions,” says Dr. Walker Brown, the director of the Center for Canine Cognition, a research facility in Maryland. “Word processing, e-mailing, even surfing the web: for many dogs, the future is already here.”

In Anna’s bedroom, decorated with the trophies and medals common to young achievers, José Saramago is on Facebook, the popular social networking website. He’s helping Anna organize an event to raise money for her greatest passion: sustainable ibex farming.

A member of a generation that seems to have lost interest in the idle pleasures of sleepaway camp, Anna has spent the last three summers working on an ibex farm in the Catskills, just ninety minutes from her Manhattan home. Anna's parents, Leslie Wilhelm, an editor of style and fashion books, and Walter Gilliam, a partner at a boutique investment firm, love that they can see their daughter often. (Williams, Anna's last name, is a portmanteau of her parents' surnames.) How often? "The toll collectors on the New York Thruway are becoming close friends," cracks Anna's father, referring to the highway connecting New York City to the Catskills. "We've always let Anna pursue her dreams, but we like to be able to visit wherever they may take her," counters Anna's mother, who has accompanied her daughter on long trips to Uganda, Bangladesh and the Mississippi Delta.

The Catskills ibex farm is owned by an unlikely pair of friends: Steven Jones, an African-American former police officer from Camden, New Jersey, and Marco Levin, a rabbi from Buenos Aires. Jones is one of the thousands of Americans who have turned to alternate investments after losing his savings in the financial crisis. Rabbi Levin is the founder of the Deuteronomy Diet, which recommends eating only foods available to the Jews of the Old Testament.

Levin believes that the ibex, a wild goat defined as kosher in the Book of Deuteronomy, is one of the healthiest foods in the world. “In Biblical times, men and women regularly lived for hundreds of years,” says Levin. “If we ate as our ancestors did, there’s no reason why modern man cannot do the same.”

Anna Williams first came to Yael Farms (yael is Hebrew for “Nubian ibex”) after her mother read an article by Dr. Walter Andersen, a clinical physician who specializes in adolescent health. Andersen thinks teenagers today are too focused on their minds, often at the expense of their physical well-being. “Their brains are getting plenty of exercise,” Dr. Andersen says. “It’s the rest of their bodies I’m worried about.”

At Yael Farms, Anna gets plenty of exercise. She spends the day herding ibex, drawing water from a well, and moving heavy stones. After a Deuteronomy-friendly dinner of figs, unleavened bread and honey-drizzled ibex, she practices her Mandarin. Like many of the ibex farms sprouting up across the northeastern United States, Yael offers an intensive Chinese-language immersion course.

“We speak Chinese here,” says Jones, the farm's co-owner. “It’s just smart business.” Foreign policy analysts like Wilbur Jenkins, a fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations, think entrepreneurs like Jones have the right idea. “In China, children are being taught English in utero,” Jenkins says. “American teenagers better start catching up.”

It’s not all manual labor and pinyin at Yael. After three summers in the Catskills, Anna Williams has also become an authority on Borscht Belt comedy. Anna’s interest in 1930s Yiddishkeit led her directly to Rebecca Smythe, a blogger from Brooklyn.

On a once-gritty block in Canarsie, Smythe is opening what she says will be New York’s first coffeehouse inspired by Yiddish musicals. While Anna helps Smythe book acts for the coffee shop, Sal DiPaolo watches with some concern. DiPaolo has lived in Canarsie for all of his 77 years and worries that newcomers are driving up the cost of living in his neighborhood. Sal’s cousin, Anthony, takes a different view.

“Look, it’s New York,” Anthony DiPaolo says. “I welcome the new blood.” DiPaolo has invited many young people, including Anna, to join his bocce club. Bocce, once the exclusive province of Italian men like Sal and Anthony DiPaolo, is becoming popular among a new generation of New Yorkers. Six months ago, Anna started her own bocce club. It’s already one of the most popular extracurricular activities at her school.

Will bringing bocce to the Upper East Side be enough to get Anna Williams into Harvard, Yale or Princeton? She’ll find out next week. Until then, she’s got her hands full: José Saramago just learned how to use Twitter.


David Parker is a writer in New York. His work has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, Politico and the Huffington Post.

Photo by Thomas Mueller from Flickr.

85 Comments / Post A Comment

deepomega
deepomega (#1,720)

CHICKEN?!?!

KarenUhOh
KarenUhOh (#19)

It is impossible to lose at Scrabble if you get "ibex."

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

The only way you could improve this would be getting it printed in the Times. Please do that.

kitten_witawip

Who and why?

Murgatroid
Murgatroid (#2,904)

Today won't get any better.

offthewawl
offthewawl (#8,258)

I may just have skimped on lunch, but "figs, unleavened bread and honey-drizzled ibex" sounds delicious.

ftrain
ftrain (#3,271)

When I got to the ibex farm I stood up out of my chair and said YES. Thank you, David and the Awl.

KenWheaton
KenWheaton (#401)

Shouldn't there be some inappropriate teenage sex in this?

Bittersweet
Bittersweet (#765)

And a gay somewhere.

My Number Is My Address

I was thinking the farm owners but the Rabbi's Old Testament literalism seems an impediment. But then...that's just the angle that could make this thing big!

freetzy
freetzy (#7,018)

Nothing's gayer than an ibex.

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

All my exes are ibexes.

Brooklyn Battery

She could be neighbors w/ Vernyl Klinkenbourg, too.

beatbeatbeat
beatbeatbeat (#3,187)

missing tag: THE END OF THE WORLD

Clarence Rosario

I'm having one of my dogs post this to my daughter's Facebook so that when she's old enough to read she'll have a nice blueprint for the next 14 years.

Drew Robertson
Drew Robertson (#9,483)

My daughter won't eat ibex.

hman
hman (#53)

I'm wearing my favorite portmanteau today, you guys.

morose_delectation

"once-gritty". I love you?

s.
s. (#775)

Along the same lines: “Uganda, Bangladesh and the Mississippi Delta.”

mamacita
mamacita (#127)

I wanted to lick that line, it was so delicious.

Dan Kois
Dan Kois (#646)

There's no "to be sure" paragraph, though. But wow.

MythReindeer
MythReindeer (#5,553)

I'll e-mail this after I get done pushing around a bunch of rocks.

kenlayne
kenlayne (#262)

That'll do, ibex. (Slow clap.)

sorry your heinous

(Slow clap, indeed)

petejayhawk
petejayhawk (#1,249)

(Slow clap, indeed, indeed)

pemulis
pemulis (#903)

But where is David Brooks in all of this?!

cherrispryte
cherrispryte (#444)

Wait, is this what New York Times articles are actually like? I don't read it that often ....

dntsqzthchrmn
dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

The sales force is just amazing -- "WE HAVE THE BEST WRITERS IN THE ***WORLD***" is their usual gambit. Peh.

petejayhawk
petejayhawk (#1,249)

Cherri, go to nytimes.com and look at the "most-emailed" articles. It makes me want to make a papier-mache model of the words "TREND PIECE" and then bash it to bits with a baseball bat.

Gef the Talking Mongoose

@cherrispryte: Every day when I open up the Times, I know that somewhere inside is going to be The Most Insane Article The Times Has Ever Run, At Least Until Tomorrow's Edition. It's like a little treasure hunt!

MollyculeTheory
MollyculeTheory (#4,519)

Seamless!

BadUncle
BadUncle (#153)

I'll gladly give you two ibex on Tuesday for a rock hyrex today.

Gef the Talking Mongoose

Excellent.

Tags: #MY IBEX SEEMS SO SMART BUT I'M ALSO SCARED ABOUT MY IBEX

Eugene Langley
Eugene Langley (#9,363)

Oh man this is so good.

atipofthehat
atipofthehat (#797)

Let us crown Mr. Parker with a crown of Ilex!

celynnen
celynnen (#9,495)

that would be more painful than this article merits =oP

miette
miette (#2,704)

The ibex isn't dead. it just went to live on a nice farm in the country.

Smitros
Smitros (#5,315)

Anna Williams is the Sidd Finch of our time.

hockeymom
hockeymom (#143)

Think it needs more of this to be a true NYTimes Sunday Mag feature; (full disclosure, the author and Walter Gilliam attended Choate together. Also, the author and Leslie Wilhelm share a colorist and Pilates instructor.)

Miles Klee
Miles Klee (#3,657)

Outstanding.

texinthecity
texinthecity (#9,489)

really? ok WTF? what the heck does this article have to do with "the most emailed article"....why? this makes NO sense. i am so confused. and BTW i am so glad i don't have kids. this spoiled brat is so elitist. college is not the answer. it is not guarantee. gag.

dntsqzthchrmn
dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Is parody. Of Times. Maybe your comment parody also?

Lindsay Robertson

It's a CHEAP PLOY FOR CLICKS: http://twitter.com/annrafalko/status/28153466920640513

barnhouse
barnhouse (#1,326)

SO GOOD

BeccaBecca
BeccaBecca (#9,225)

This is beyond perfect! It's the details: "the popular social networking website" and "referring to the highway connecting New York City to the Catskills."

Kudos. I love this.

major disaster

God I love this so much. And I would love it even without the ibexes, which I have always had an inexplicable love for.

sorry your heinous

some would even call it ibexplicable

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

Here, have a Kleenex.

GudrunBrangwen
GudrunBrangwen (#9,491)

http://ihatenyt.com/2011/01/15/how-to-write-a-trend-piece/

sigerson
sigerson (#179)

WOW. Simply awesome. I didn't get the joke until I was about 35% through reading this and then I did and I re-read this piece and my head exploded.

barnhouse
barnhouse (#1,326)

Me too! So embarrassing what a lot of this I'd swallered right down before I even started to go HEY.

HeyThatsMyBike

"Like many of the ibex farms sprouting up across the northeastern United States, Yael offers an intensive Chinese-language immersion course."
Just brilliant

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

This just gets better every time you read it.

Telegram Sam
Telegram Sam (#3,847)

Wait, what's that bird called? Ibis? Okay, never mind.

katiechasm
katiechasm (#163)

For New York Times, A Mild Rebuke

Hamilton
Hamilton (#122)

Haha this is awesome. Ten years from now: "Tell them how you got your job at the Times, Dave. Classic story."

alexewing
alexewing (#528)

Perfection.

jaundiceboy
jaundiceboy (#9,501)

You forgot the space-time expanding universe articles.

GoGoGojira
GoGoGojira (#2,871)

I read this in my head with an NPR radio voice.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

Bopomofo rules, pinyin drools!

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

Splittist.

aandy
aandy (#9,512)

Cute, but Erin Judge did it more hilariously a couple months ago...
http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/11/19/nytimes_most_emailed_headlines_open2010

dntsqzthchrmn
dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

More cute than hilarious. Though I almost broke the warm smile barrier at "A Thing Happened at Harvard."

TuengSak Gratis Dictum

Anna Williams is Keyser Söze!

deisner
deisner (#9,526)

The best bogus social trend piece. Ever.

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

Bogus?

What did you do, google "ibex farm"?

smileyfacesusan
smileyfacesusan (#9,576)

I did. LOL!

ddh
ddh (#9,536)

All it needed was volunteer work at a LGBT hotline for military personnel.

Greg Kemnitz
Greg Kemnitz (#9,539)

Just wait until six years from now, when we get the writeup about how she ran up $300K in student loan debt double-majoring in ibex studies and Sanscrit philology. Her powerful CV qualifies her for a job at Steve's Coffee, with occasional gigs as a valet at high-end clubs in the NYC area. But there's good news! She just got accepted to Brooklyn Law, where she'll doubtless be a partner at a prestigious firm within six months of graduation. She also plans on doing pro-bono work for a local ibex-rights group.

Marc Sopher
Marc Sopher (#9,555)

Somewhere George Plimpton is smiling.

Thomas E H Solmer

So, not much a surprise here that a hyperbolic parody of the bland and pointless would itself be supremely bland and pointless.

This is exactly as funny as Pedobear, or Rickrolling, or any other dumb internet meme that is celebrated only as an inside joke where there's no joke at all, only references that are intended to gratify those who recognize them. "Ha, ha, I know what that reference meant! Hilarious!" No. Not funny at all. Doesn't even rise to the level of bemusement. And worse, here, because those celebrating the "joke" fancy themselves to be of a higher sophistication and class for being "in" on it.

smileyfacesusan
smileyfacesusan (#9,576)

I thought this was real. I was looking up Ibex farms in the Catskills to send my kid this summer to learn Chinese.

Hugo de Naranja
Hugo de Naranja (#9,575)

To Mr. Solmer's credit, he indeed has a point. And a chilling one, at that.

For far too long, even disgracefully so, America's self-styled "elites" have strenuously forestalled anything approaching broad-based democratic access to alternative poultry venues in the Catskills and at other locales yet farther afield. (Appalachia leaps most readily to mind, likely because its very name recalls the term "appalling.")

Around and about the mere concept of "alternative poultry," these in-joke fancying sophisticates have constructed and jealously maintained an anti-egalitarian Berlin Wall, fiercely defended with a lethal arsenal chock-a-block with withering disdain and fetid scorn.

This disgraceful arrangement is hardly one America's Founding Forefathers should have showered with their hard-won approval, even on those days when they weren't beset by the multitude of responsibilities attendant to the impregnation of slaves.

It is therefore well within the time-honored tradition of Yankee outrage that Mr. Solmer's exception-taking finds a comfortable, if modest, home, and sets about stoking a warming fire of righteous indignation in its ample hearth, steadfastly using the hyperbolic amusements of America's own anti-American "elites" as the kindling which shall serve to feed the patriotic conflagration that will consume them, thereby trailblazing a clear path whereby all U.S. citizens ought secure safe conduct to alternative poultry, fictional or otherwise.

Let us not dally, then, in an utterly notional Cretan Labyrinth roiling with the reddest of herrings, and instead set our sights on the comparatively higher aim of denying gratification to those who would laugh at, much less celebrate, journalistic parody.

Thank you, Mr. Solmer, for having the "class" to put us to rights, once and forever.

theGoldenAss
theGoldenAss (#4,853)

Is this supposed to be a parody of one of the comments on the NYT? Brilliant.

JacobMiller
JacobMiller (#9,587)

I included this online article along with others on my blog, "freedomrantonline." I entitled the post, "Lessons in Journalism: How to Make an Insignificant Story Newsworthy." Check out the blog for my response to this article and look at the categories to see if there is anything else on my blog that interests you.

Atencio
Atencio (#399)

Nahhhh. Thanks, though.

Sidd Finch
Sidd Finch (#9,890)

does she also play the french horn? a novelization of anna williams' final few months of high school would most surely make it to the top of some newspaper's "best-seller" list.

la_chica
la_chica (#11,101)

you know someone at the Times is slapping their face on their desk for missing this story

Julie Lauren Vick@facebook

this is just perfect.

starjonestown
starjonestown (#195,623)

Cain't teach no dog to use no compruter!

City folk...

Ranee Zaporski@twitter

"It’s not all manual labor and pinyin at Yael." EXCELLENT

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account