Thursday, January 6th, 2011
61

Philadelphia Rocked By Possible Loss Of Snack Cakes


There is shock and horror in the city of Philadelphia about the news that local snack producer Tasty Baking Co.—maker of gut-expanding delights such as Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets and Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes—might be forced to sell itself off amid financial turmoil. One local columnist conveys the sense of fear and disgust now prevalent in the City of Brotherly Love.

YEARS FROM NOW, I will remember where I was when I heard yesterday's shocking news.

I was sitting right here at the Daily News when I learned that Tastykake, financially teetering after a brutal fourth quarter, announced that it may have to merge with another company or – gasp! – sell itself.

Merge this Philadelphia icon with some out-of-town pretender pushing snacks like Drakes or, Lord help us, Little Debbie?

Gag me with a cupcake.

Or sell it? Hell, as long as we're peddling our local treasures, why don't we put the Liberty Bell on Craigslist? Or see if Walmart wants to buy Reading Terminal Market?

Meanwhile, a resident interviewed by the city's Fox affiliate for its five minute segment on the story expresses a sentiment that demonstrates exactly how severe the crisis is to these sons of the Schuylkill: Asked to envision a world without Tastykakes, a woman explains that, "It would be like life without music." Fortunately the reporter has a Butterscotch Krimpet on hand to cheer her up for the moment, but there's no denying it: things look pretty grim. It is hard enough on these people, having to live in Philadelphia. Must they be denied the one pre-packaged treat that makes their miserable existence momentarily tolerable? Only time will tell.

61 Comments / Post A Comment

josh_speed (#97)

If the populace managed to not riot during the great Eggo Shortage of 2010, y'all should still be fine.

hockeymom (#143)

But it's not over.
You still can't get Eggo Whole Wheat Pancakes.
Yes, Buttermilk Pancakes are available.
Yes, Whole Wheat Waffles are back on the shelves.
But sadly, Eggo Whole Wheat Pancakes are still, tragically, unavailable.

josh_speed (#97)

Won't someone please think of the children?

jolie (#16)

Somewhere, Gutty weeps and blows his nose on a Flyers jersey.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

This is actually a serious thing. If there's a snack cake in heaven, it's a Jelly Krimpet. It's like a Twinkie with jelly, people!

No way. Peanut butter KandyKakes!

jolie (#16)

The thought of a "Twinkie with jelly" is giving me the dry heaves.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

@televisionarie: Peanut butter KandyKakes are great, but eating one fills me with such dread and anxiety (as in, did I just consume my recommended daily value of calories in one bite) that I can't put them above Jelly Krimpets (which very well may be just as bad for me, but they don't make me feel as bad.)

And jolie, the only person who would dry heave at the thought of a Twinkie with jelly is a person who's never eaten a Twinkie with jelly. Stop cheating yourself! Before it's too late!

deepomega (#1,720)

Sorry, BoD, but TV is right here! Or, alternatively, the Butterscotch Krimpets. Butterscotch Krimpets are like eating the knowledge that there are people in the world who love you and care about you.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Reasonable snack eaters can disagree, I suppose. With the KandyKakes and the Butterscotch Krimpets, though, I'm very conscious that I'm eating something made entirely of chemicals. At least with the Jelly Krimpet, there's some indication, however faint, that what's inside this thing has a tenuous connection to a strawberry that came from the soil.

In short, my entire snacking experience is predicated on deceiving myself that I'm not eating something that is, in fact, deadly poison.

deepomega (#1,720)

@Boy: That's probably more evolutionary adaptive than my own snack preferences for things that could not be produced without a factory and a team of Kyrgyzstani immigrants.

iwantyrskull (#1,706)

again, the seasonal (easter) kandykakes with dark chocolate and coconut creme have been forgotten. plus, hello, pumpkin hand-pies! the butterscotch krimpets are a stalwart classic, but my preference has always been for the deep cuts.

Jasmine (#8)

Beautiful, truly. Also, agreed.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

Used to get these in Philly during summer visits to my grandparents. My grandmother encouraged us to open the box and eat some prior to getting to checkout. Thus began my downward spiral into a life of crime.

deepomega (#1,720)

My grandmother would mail them to me a few times a year, from Baltimore to LA.

Jasmine (#8)

You jest, but this is serious. I actually audibly gasped when I read the lede.

Tastykakes, the liberty bell and cheesesteaks wit. You're taking away 1/3 of their reason for existing…

Vulpes (#946)

You jest, but this is serious, people! What will my parents do if they can't complain about how Tastykakes just aren't as good as they used to be? How will I live without the pleasure of an occasional chcoloate cupcake that manages to be kinda stale, but kinda delicious, all at the same time? Kaiser Troll, hold me! You understand.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

The best part about Tastykake cupcakes is that the chocolate frosting isn't really frosting in the traditional sense. More like a chocolate blanket draped gingerly over the cupcake. So I would always peel off and eat the frosting first, and then move on to the cake.

deepomega (#1,720)

A chocolate comforter, defending against the harsh chill of life.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@boy: not unlike my ceremonial unrolling of a Ho-Ho after dismantling its chocolate epidermis.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

There are so many things we need to discuss, scroll. I'm actually a Drake's partisan, so I would eat Yodels instead of Ho-Hos. And I was never able to unroll them like some kids could! Do you have any experience with the Yodel? Was the Ho-Ho cake more pliant? I would always end up with two handfuls of mush. Which I proceeded to devour.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@boy: I dabbled intermittently in Yodels (which are toothsome), but found Ho-Ho's to be the superior rolled-log cake. When unfurling their glory it is best to take it slowly: turn it upside down like a turtle on its back and focus your attention on gently releasing the seam.

Vulpes (#946)

@boy: YES! That is the perfect way to describe that "frosting"!

Bittersweet (#765)

Thanks, all, for that brief trip down memory lane to my 11-year-old 7-11 visits. Throw in some Donette Gems and a roll of Spree to complete the picture.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Spree? You bought that stuff willingly? Spree is the type of candy my grandmother would have given me if the world ran out of Wether's Originals and root beer barrels. If you're gonna get a roll of something, make it Rolos.

Bittersweet (#765)

Hey, bod, I liked mainlining sugar without all that cocoa and fat to slow down the rush. Don't judge, especially you with your nasty jelly-filled Twinkie nonsense. Team Jolie!

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

I'm crossing all the wrong people today. Might be time to hang up the ol' colander for the night!

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Tastykake has too many cutesy misplaced Ks for my liking. I just can't take them seriously.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

They need product names with gravitas, like Ring-Dings.

saythatscool (#101)

Fudgie the Whale is considering a run for New Jersey governor, I hear.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@STC: but will his nibs the governor allow Christmas Tree cakes on state property during the holidays?

saythatscool (#101)

@scrolly: Lieutenant-Governor Cookie Puss wants a menorah too, so I'm sensing a court case in the future. New Jersey Supreme Court Justice Cat Face will likely be the swing vote.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Tastykake briefly replaced Budd Dwyer as Pennsylvania's treasurer in the late 80's.

Sapphireblue (#517)

As a not-long-for-this town resident of greater (!) Philadelphia, I can confirm that I will be THAT MUCH NEARER to Budd Dwyering myownself if I don't have Butterscotch Krimpets to get me through the last months before I make my escape.

deepomega (#1,720)

I feel like someone has just threatened to execute my childhood in front of me. I'd get a Butterscotch Krimpet in my lunch bag about once a week when I was very small and wore very large glasses.

Vulpes (#946)

Me, too! (Both the Krimpet and the large glasses.)

petejayhawk (#1,249)

When was that, Deepo? LAST WEEK?

saythatscool (#101)

I remember when Deep's mom used to soak my bag with butterscotch too.

deepomega (#1,720)
deepomega (#1,720)

@stc: I remember when I filled your mom's cupcake with my cream. Right after I ate her tastykake.

saythatscool (#101)

YOU'RE GOING DOWN TOMORROW, WHITE BREAD

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@deepo: That's because Mother STC is a Ho-Ho ho.

deepomega (#1,720)

@scrolly: No wonder she's always willing to give me a Little Debbie.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Right on your Ding Dong?

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@deepo, @boy: If she ever disappoints you, Suzy Q's always waiting in the wings.

saythatscool (#101)

Hey scrolly, tell your 2 twinkies that they can share my pair of pink snowballs.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@STC: My twinkies are an unparalleled delight. I look forward to your snowballs in my lunchbox.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

scroll: You might be more interested in my Yankee Doodle.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@boy: I'm sure it's a Zinger.

riggssm (#760)

I miss exactly three things about my time in Pennsylvania: Tastykakes, Middleswarth Bar-B-Q potato chips, and Yuengling Lager.

Hopefully they'll find a way to survive!

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

The best part about Yuengling, speaking as a north Jerseyan living in Boston, is that you can walk into a bar in PA and just order a lager, and they'll know what you're talking about. It's like walking into Dunkies and asking for a large regular.

riggssm (#760)

Yes, this!

keisertroll (#1,117)

Well, that's one less thing I'll have to get my mom everyday.

joeks (#5,805)

No no no no no no no nonononono no. Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes and Butterscotch Krimpets are delicious, and were instrumental in my childhood. (Which is why I'm now morbidly obese and diabetic)

paperbackwriter (#2,844)

YOU'LL GET MY BUTTERSCOTCH KRIMPETS WHEN YOU PRY THEM FROM MY GLAZED, FAT, SAUSAGE-FINGERED HANDS. My most ardent hope for the future is not world peace but for a hybrid of butterscotch krimpets and jelly krimpets, wherein the jelly filling is replaced with a delicious jammy insulin inside.

Andrew Piccone (#7,185)

Philly is the worst! The worst! Great place to visit for a weekend though. Spend 20 dollars, black out and eat a cheese steak!!

SeaBassTian (#281)

I blame the preponderance of Ks in both names: Krimpets and Kandy Kakes just sound SO retro nowadays…

meerkat (#228)

Few people know that Kandy Kakes were once called Tandy Takes. But for me, the Krimpets were the sine qua non of snacking.

Cyd Cochise (#8,131)

Their Peanut Butter Tandy Kakes are so good.

ftrain (#3,271)

Oh God. Without the possibility of Tasty-Klair pies there is no reason to go on. The way the chocolate adhered to the plastic wrapper so that you'd have to lick it like some desperate goo junkie. The eclair-ish filling inside a crumbling pie shell. Next they'll take away Herr's sour cream and onion potato chips in the green foil bag. And then they'll eliminate scrapple. And then what is Pennsylvania? A bigger Delaware with more sales tax. I'm totally serious when I write that my first thought was, "I'm glad my grandfather wasn't alive to see this day."

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