Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

If You Know What Comes Next Give Yourself A Prize

Today in lines I did not see coming: "He still loves his wife. But after 25 years of marriage, he has lost his enthusiasm for sex with her. Still. It is Valentine's Day. And she has been hinting. So he takes her to a nice dinner, uncharactertistically orders an after-dinner drink, and feels extra discouraged when it only makes him more tired. He is 55. And so tired. Upon returning home, he wants more than anything to just fall asleep, but damnit, he makes the effort. He surprises her with a gift, lights candles, and dutifully makes love to her in the fashion he thinks that she will most enjoy." I promise you, you don't know what's next.

19 Comments / Post A Comment

sigerson (#179)

In the pantheon of silly and pretentious names, "Conor Friedersdorf" has to be close to the top 100.

Aside from that juvenile and worthless observation, I got nothing.

Alex Balk (#4)

I actually really like his stuff.

sigerson (#179)

Really? I usually skip right over anything he writes on Andrew Sullivan's blog — he always seems to be pretending to be an expert in something in a condescending tone that a sophomore at Yale might adopt. Just portentous bullshit that signifies mostly nothing more than the results of a few minutes' internet searching.

KarenUhOh (#19)

I saw John Boehner lighting a cigarette, so I guess I figured it out.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

But worse to write than the obligatory editorial is the bligatory news story. This reminds me of the great AJ Liebling piece of metajournalismism on the death of Stalin. For several days all the world had in the way of information was a press release from the Kremlin. And yet one was obliged to fill the front pages with news reporting on Stalin dying until Stalin was dead.

freetzy (#7,018)

I absolutely thought this was going to be about buttfucking.

freetzy (#7,018)

ESPECIALLY because of that "Long Way Around the Barn" slug.

djfreshie (#875)

I admit I was also very much expecting it to be about buttfucking.

deepomega (#1,720)

Glad I'm not the only one who thought he'd learned a new euphemism today. =(

katiebakes (#32)

I thought the girl was going to be a HORSE because of that slug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HelloTitty (#830)

Balk would never have made that promise if it the article had been about buttfucking. Proof that he reads the comments.

brianvan (#149)

Your wife is starting to get on your nerves a little bit. She's never been your buddy to begin with; she has her own scene and her own interests and it's not really your kind of thing. Sometimes she's out shopping when you really want a sandwich. Other times, you ask for sex but not only does she not give it to you but she gives a bristling rejection and you wonder how you could have ever agreed to marriage in the first place. But then you look at all the young stupid girls you'd use to replace her, and then you realize that you've got a pretty good deal. She cooks better than anyone you know, she keeps the house and finances in order, she doesn't embarrass you in front of others, and sometimes she's clever and creative enough to earn your admiration. It's not a perfect arrangement, but she's the most suitable companion by a long mile, and things are actually pretty good when you put aside all your selfish concerns.

It is with a similar mix of contentment and resignation that we elected Mayor Bloomberg to a third term.

freetzy (#7,018)

Now see, THIS is how your write about buttfucking.

Leon (#6,596)

I sat there alone. A little buzzed, a little bored. I turned the channel, I knew it was going to be something I'd seen before – it always was, time after time. It was never knew. I dreamt about being in the room with them, that I was one of those people. Dreaming of being there got me excited – excited enough, but nothing out of the ordinary, no feeling I couldn't get from a surprise smile from a cute girl in Union Square or a stuff breeze.

Yeah, I've seen it before – but in some ways it is always good, always entertaining. Gets the blood flowing, right? Am I asking you or myself. I don't even know any more. I know this is supposed to stir me up, and it used to – but it has been so long since we've had the real deal, since I felt anything stir. Whatever. I guess I'll keep watching. It's not like I have a better option tonight. It's just me and you, buddy.

And eventually, it ends on cue. I mean, sure, there's always going to be a little follow-up, but who cares about that part anyhow? I'm going to sleep.

(Leon feels the same way about the SOTU / all of Obama's speeches lately as he does about watching porn)

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Hey guys! Let's put on a reorg!

KenWheaton (#401)

"I can't believe that America's budget motel travelers would be disappointed if there weren't an editorial on SOTU left at the threshold of their room, and I could easily list 1,000 more desserving topics."

Needs a little editing.

"I can't believe that America's budget motel travelers would be disappointed if there weren't an editorial IN ANY NEWSPAPER EVER AGAIN AT ALL"

There. A little more accurate. Though, in consideration of previous comments, maybe: "I can't believe that America's budget motel travelers would be disappointed if there weren't an editorial IN ANY NEWSPAPER EVER AGAIN AT ALL UNLESS IT'S ABOUT ANAL." (USA TODAY against; NYTIMES for)

freetzy (#7,018)

Wall Street Journal: How much it costs.

Smitros (#5,315)

What does he know about straight sex?

paulmwatson (#8,606)

All true Patriots think of the State of the Union while making love to their wives.

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