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To Ohio, where a man summoned the constabulary on a complaint that "his live-in-girlfriend hit him with a ham sandwich inside their home in the 2600 block of Royalton Road around 7:10 p.m." Unfortunately, "the man was unable to provide deputies with a full description of the sandwich, such as whether it was toasted or untoasted." Also: "Deputies located a slice of bread on the floor, but suspect the family dog ate the ham, according to the report." [Via] (Previously in Ohio sandwich-related assaults.)
http://tf2wiki.net/w/images/c/c5/Heavy_sandwichtaunt06.wav
Buddy of mine here in Kansas is a cop. Several months back, he got a call to a domestic dispute wherein a husband had assaulted his wife with several Taco Bell burritos. She had beans and lettuce in her hair but was otherwise unharmed.
"Several"? Like he rained burritos down upon her head from the stairs?
It may have just been two. If memory serves, one was thrown at her head and the other was opened up and rubbed in her face, which is where the hairbeans came from.
This story has no heroes.
Oh hey, Balk – I hope you noticed the reporter is named Taylor and he/she is writing about ham.
According to the crime lab, forensics will be tough. Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with screwing up the DNA.
Family dogs and meat-based assault are the bane of CSI units across the country.