Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

Winter: A Sneak Preview

Your temperature: Shivery.
Your atmospherics: Flurries, wind.
Your sidewalks: Not as icy as predicted, but the less coordinated among you might want to make sure you wear shoes with decent tread.
Your commute: Expect delays as you will be stuck behind small children who are desperate to walk through any patch of "snow" they can find and frustrated parents who are yanking them so far the other way you think that their little arms are going to snap right off.
Smoking conditions: Mild to medium difficulty, depending on your glove situation and the availability of heating grates in your area.
Scarf advisory: Do you have testicles? If yes, do not wear a scarf. If no, go crazy. Try something bright, ladies, we could use a little color out there.

Photo by Marc Veraart, from Flickr.

40 Comments / Post A Comment

Jim Behrle (#3,292)

I can't remember if I have testicles. Will someone check for me?

Not falling for this again.

brent_cox (#40)

Weather got hacked. Until we all change our passwords, there will be no degrees.

Multiphasic (#411)

Dude, I am so wearing shorts and a scarf to your funeral.

Bittersweet (#765)

I'll be in jeggings.

lbf (#2,343)

I'm European. Not only will I wear a scarf, I'll also wear tight pants that will make you think I'm cold (however: longjohns!)

Long johns are a "game changer."

lbf (#2,343)

i hope i never consider tights though?

Jolie Kerr (#3,225)


Consider the mantights.

lbf (#2,343)

it's not about what i consider them, it's about what society considers them.

Joey Camire (#6,325)

Is the scarf for making mock bulges in lady pants?

And wear a hat!

jolie (#16)

I woke up at 5ish, saw the snow and was all "YIPPEE!! IT'S GONNA BE AN ALEX BALK WEATHER WIDGET DAY!!!"

Joy-making, thank you.

garge (#736)

Guys: Uniqlo's "heattech"–bullshit or not? Seems suspect to me, but the Japanese do know their USB nipple warmers, so ..

Joey Camire (#6,325)

I support it. Wearing it right now and my nipples are warm and… flaccid? Well, I'm warm and it's cheap, please disregard my nipples.

lbf (#2,343)

i have their summer "tech" tees and they do keep me dry OK. wear them in the winter too as a base layer, cos it can get pretty intense on my bike commute.

@garge: I think it's gimmicky, but like most base-layer stuff for snowboarding, follow the mantra: "Cotton kills!"

garge (#736)

I have this weird "thing" about my skin rejecting the feel of synthetic fabrics (and horrendously long lines), but I also have a problem in the not so flaccid nipple department. I appreciate the input!

scroll_lock (#4,122)

Colder inside the office than outside. Also, smokers at my building don't care what the weather is, they could be struck by gale force winds that roll them down the street head over foot like tumbleweeds and they'd still manage to keep the cigarette attached to their blue lips.

My scarf collection generally resides in the Metro Diner or the dentist office because I came in with it. I think. I'm sure I had it when I got to work. At lunch I couldn't find it. Too bad because it was a nice plaid, or it was red.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

So it matches your frilly underthings?

IBentMyWookie (#133)

Bitch, what? Men don't wear scarves? What? SCARVES ARE THE SINGLE BEST ACCESSORY ON MEN.
I will assume that you went light on the whiskey in this morning's coffee and your synapses aren't firing properly yet because, I mean…I can't…

Jolie Kerr (#3,225)

"Bitch, what?" just slayed me. Amazing.

This man wears scarves. I have a soft spot for tartan and plaid, and I LIKE TO KEEP MY ADAM'S APPLE WARM.

garge (#736)

I like running my hands across a man's scarf [sometimes under the guise of straightening, sometimes not], just saying.

joshc (#442)

yeah. I was with him on short pants, but this?

Leon (#6,596)

yeah. shortpants bad, scarf good. fuck the cold, i need to be warm. plus, i feel classy w/ a scarf – which, let's be honest – i do not feel very often!

WindowSeat (#180)

The Balk Sumptuary Laws are all about Mortification of The Flesh. No shorts in Summer, no scarves in Winter, bourbon whenever possible.

City_Dater (#2,500)

Whoever drew Balk in Secret Santa, get him a nice squishy cashmere scarf, please. This poor man needs a Non-Alcoholic Winter Comfort Experience.

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Non-Alcoholic Winter Comfort Experience. It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy."

kneetoe (#1,881)

How about a hat with a little ball thingy on top? Cuz my sister-in-law gave me one and it's the only one I got.

cherrispryte (#444)

As long as that's not the only ball you've got.

kneetoe (#1,881)

No I have cute little tennis socks on as well.

cherrispryte (#444)

ooh with pom-poms on the back? I love those!

Bittersweet (#765)

You can still get those? Really? Haven't had a pair since the 80s.

zabatay (#4,448)

I present you smoking gloves from the hipster canteen Urban Outfitters, I think the left glove should contain a flask but still developing that idea.


katiechasm (#163)

Scarves are ok as long as they're in a muted colour, like a dark plaid or angry muffin.

gumplr (#66)

Is "angry muffin" a paisley derivative or something?

katiechasm (#163)

It's a bit more intense than beige.

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