The End of the World
For at least a few generations—or maybe for forever, actually, and this is a matter of some argument—we as a people or we as some of the people have at times been gripped by a fever for the End Times. What does seem newish about the last century is that no longer is The End of the World just for the religious. Though sure: The End is always nigh to someone's thinking! But, as the poet said, "plans can fall through, as so often they do." And at some point, one does get so tired of being stood up for this particular appointment. So to observe the end of 2010, we decided to put on our most straight-on, forward-thinking hats, and presume the following: what if it's all true about 2012 and the last days are upon us? What if the end of one "page" in one particular calendar really means the end of the world is rushing towards us? What if 2011 is to be our last full year on earth? (Well, "full," providing that we each survive the entirety of 2011, because you know how these things go.) This week, some answers. Enjoy!
Every death is the end of the world in a manner of speaking.
No wonder I'm the only schmuck who came in today.
Right? I was about to make some "this is about the snow, right?" crack, but seriously, I feel like an idiot for being one of the three people who actually showed up to work today.
There are actually two of us today in my office. We're breaking down desk chairs and using them in a bonfire. Nothing says "It's winter!" like the smell of melting plastic and synthetic upholstery.
EVERY BLIZZARD this happens! When I worked in an office I was always the dumbass who showed up. I hereby give each of you the freedom to be that person who was like "LOL TRAIN DIDN'T COME SORRY COULDN'T COME IN."
I always found myself in the category of 'essential personnel'. So I'm at least happy that we've closed the offices for this week.
Back in the mid-90s (my stupid early 20s), I got a Chevy Blazer 4×4. (This was slightly before the SUV mania, and I happened to actually use it off-road for work. Anyway.) The first time we had a decent snow, I was so excited to pop it into four-wheel-drive and plow through it all on the way to work, laughing at the imbeciles sliding around and/or getting frostbitten in a ditches. What a bunch of idiots. Then, at work, it was me and some other 4×4 asshole, while the "idiots" sat home on their couches drinking Irish coffee after calling in to say they were stuck.
@Kevin: Having looked around the office just now (snow stopped! one more person showed up!), the rule seems to be that only the least essential people actually show up. It's like productivity signed up for the Donner party in here.
Also, COME ON FELLOW COWORKERS, it's New England, you knew there was snow in winter AND YOU MOVED TO THE SUBURBS ANYWAY. The extra fifteen minutes clearing your car off in the morning is basically a suburbs tax.
Unrelated?: I'm going to take a drug test this morning. The sad part: I know I'll pass.
Cheer up! Maybe you've had enough NyQuil to raise the alarm.
If that obscure TGIF sitcom about the uncle who's a pro football kicker has taught me anything, it's that confusing bird seed for granola cereal will give you a false positive.
There should be a sympathy card tailored to that.
My flight back to NYC has not yet been cancelled…
I just feel sorry for all the kids who are on vacation because what's the point of a big snowstorm if there's no school to cancel?
I feel fine.
I'll be over at The Daily Squee til y'all get this sorted out.
Oh, I get it. It's from that Mimi Rogers movie where her husband Agent Mulder gets blown away and she kills her daughter because it's The Rapture.
I would've used a still from "Testament".
Nah, the selection was dead-on. *cough* Unlike your recollection of the Fox Mulder film with Mimi Rodgers *cough*
Albrecht Durer woodcuts!!!
Give me a break, Nurse. I was like eight when I saw it.
Is this where we comment about snow? I'm the dumbrectum who made it to the office while rest of city collectively decided to be paralyzed. There is targeted snow removal in progress. Not so many snow photos and a little more shoveling, please.
Hey, maybe this is “our last year on Earth” because some aliens will show us a better life on their alien planet?
Or if it’s “End Times” in the “Death! Death! Death!” sense, I have two things to say:
1) I am grateful that I am Jewish because we spread out our fear of death over a lifetime. Always afraid of folks hunting us down and all that. Say what you will but the background noise of death is much better than this whole Christian, “Happy! Happy! OMFG! HERE IS TEH DEATH DAY!” idea.
2) Do Mormons believe in “End Times”? Because if that’s the case I want to hook up with a cute Mormon “outreach” girl and learn all I can about those golden plates while we we kanoodle a bit before the galactic eternal death happens.
“Our earth is degenerate in these latter days; there are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; every man wants to write a book and the end of the world is evidently approaching."
– Stone tablet found in Assyria, dated to around 2800 BC. Everybody wants to (find a) rule (that proves they'll see the end of) the world.