19
The Menaissance Gets Overly Coined
4D Man is in fact a male between 15 and 40 who is “confident, individual and has varied interests and passions.” A Bauer spokesperson told Media Week that 4D man is “not as tribal as his predecessors, the metrosexual and the lad, where you either were one or you weren’t.” He is also “increasingly interested in culture and is more health-conscious."
Well bowl me over. This regards the launch of a men's magazine. Called Gaz7etta. (I think that's how you spell Portßolio in Italian?) A few things! 1. "Between 15 and 40"? I don't buy your demographic coinage if it encompasses half of adulthood. And spreads between two distinct generations. 2. So the extra D is for extra douchetruckishness? 3. BASICALLY, THIS IS WHAT, JUST A YOUNGER PAUL RUDD, AND WHO ELSE?
But the age range is what allows him to become increasingly interested in culture and health. Maybe he should start as 1D man and work his way up.
The man in that photo has something really urgent to tell you about derivatives.
Imagine the oily oval stain his hair leaves on the headrest in his BMW.
or your pillow.
Oh. I thought they were referring to a shoe size.
I don't want to know the 40 year old man who has a magazine-worth of anything in common with a 15 year old boy.
It's just all too VICE VERSA, FREAKY FRIDAY, SUMMER SWITCH.
Well, there is Sports Illustrated. And the great porn of yore.
By "culture," I assume they mean "non-sports?"
By "more health-consious" I assume they mean "plans to quit smoking and cut the drinking by half."
Yeah, first of all let's address that penile implant you have in your ear canal there, bro.
"Gaz7etta" = what are they trying to flex l337 5733z?
Predicted in 1959! Especially the "sucking out the life energy of his victims" part.
Sorry, I meant 1953.
Maybe if they got someone to mansplain it to us . . .
"not as tribal as his predecessors" equals, what, a more subtle rapist?
4D Man is in fact a male between 15 and 40
"They have penises, generally."
Four of them?
I bet 4D man smells like tesser-Axe.
Oh I know how to be this.
(a)Culture: Go to places where there is stuff. You can mostly look at boobs/asses (cuz THEY ARE AWESOME) but spend 1/3 – 50% of your time enjoying the pictures/sculptures/sounds etc. You have to pay attention for real. Then, talk about these things with people.
(b)Healthy: Do things that involve more movement (running, fucking, weightlifting) and less things that don't (X-Box, 'baitin). Also, try not to eat like shit, k? You know what is and isn't shit, don't pretend you need to be told.
(c)Being a Man: Shut the fuck up more, until it is time not to. Hold open doors (do this because it is polite, but as per (a) will also give you a chance to look at her ass again! win win.). Don't say things you don't mean, unless there is a good (as in "morally right, not as in "want to touch underpants zone") reason. Act however you really are, so if you are worthwhile people will hang out with you and if you are a douche we know right away.
Okay done. No magazine required.
The extra D is for extra pee.