Monday, November 8th, 2010

New Diets: Twinkies or Wine

Here are two ways to lose weight: 1) Eat mostly Twinkies and Doritos and HoHos and Ring Dings and other junk, but limit your calories, or 2) Try the wine and anxiety method. I prefer the second myself, but, you know, it has "wine" right there in the name. You do whatever's good for you!


9 Comments / Post A Comment

HiredGoons (#603)

I am a die hard advocate of the Champagne & Sushi diet.

deepomega (#1,720)

I'm big into the Whiskey and Mozzarella diet. (The form of the mozzarella doesn't really matter – it all works!)

joeks (#5,805)

Oof, try to work in a bran muffin every now and then. Something with some fiber.

jolie (#16)

Put some ice in that wine and you'll lose more weight!

garge (#736)

Ahahahahahah, I spent a summer in Georgia listless in the sweltering heat, recumbent on hardwood floors with the shades closed and wearing just a bathing suit because the a/c was broken, with a backlog of about three years of Prevention magazine and it has unalterably informed my worldview.

I recommend a touch of the Edith's stress diet, toss in an all-consuming exhaustion that makes you too tired to do anything but maybe heat up soup or some abominable frozen meal when you finally get home, et voila! 10 lbs down the drain in 3 months or less! Note: Helps if you are too poor to afford delivery/takeout, and also too tired to open a bottle of wine (yes, this is possible).

Oh, and going through a breakup at the same time speeds up the weight loss process.

keisertroll (#1,117)

The stomach virus, intermittent strenuous activity, stomach virus, and walking everywhere plan worked for me

Mother warned that Twinkies would spoil my appetite. Absolutely!

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