Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Get Yer Mucous On

"Those with the protective mucous slept like a baby. Those without were like human mosquito magnets, suffering from multiple bites."
Would you sleep inside a cocoon made of your own mucous if it would keep mosquitoes away? Jesus, this is gross, but… I think… I would??!! (Worst, of all, in the future, I might have to.)

10 Comments / Post A Comment

petejayhawk (#1,249)

My mucus is mucous.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

Thank you.

deepomega (#1,720)

Part of me hoped this was a recipe.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

Part of the Real American Thanksgiving Cookbook.

BadUncle (#153)

I would sleep inside the hollowed out belly of Ving Rhames if it meant no mosquito bites.

garge (#736)

+1. I am a mosquito magnet. There is nothing worse than being outdoors (ack) socially with non-mosquito magnets and you sense the swarm descending upon your flesh but they are all like 'oh, no, it's fine, there are no mosquitos, do you want another margarita?' and you have to slink inside and watch Forensic Files alone.

BadUncle (#153)

I still have a couple of resilient little bastards flying night raids on my dog and me. They've somehow bred in the shower drain, I think. Gah.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

If there is a mosquito within 50 miles it always finds me and no one else so I would be tempted, although it requires the terrible choice between ruining your hair with mucous or not.

kneetoe (#1,881)

As of a few years ago I no longer seem to react to mosquito bites. I get bitten, but no bump and no itch. This is just one of the ways that I'm superior to other humans.

Screen Name (#2,416)

- Richie, for god's sake, it's after 10.

- But I just wanted —

- It's time. For Bed.

- Mo-om –

- Don't mom me. Get the mucous tub.

- But I don't want to put on mucous tonight.

- Richie, we've been through this: if you go to bed without mucous smeared all over you, you'll wake up with itchy, red mosquito bites. Do you want mosquito bites?

- Colton doesn't have to wear mucous to bed.

- Colton's parents aren't smokers, and non-smokers don't have as much mucous as your father and I do. We're lucky. Isn't that right, Harold?

- Your mom's right. Put the mucous on, Richie.

- I want to put my own mucous on.

- I know you do, son.

- Why don't I have lots of mucous like you and mommy?

- Aww. Listen up, champ. One day, when you're older, you'll have lots of mucous.

- I will?

- Sure you will.

- I don't know.

- Why, you might even develop allergies or some kind of extra-heavy mucous condition. You might have so much mucous that every time you roll over you slide right out of bed!

- What!?

- I'm just kidding. Now, put on your mucous. There you go. Sleep tight. Don't let the mosquitoes bite.

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