Alcohol Is The Awesomest, Deadliest Drug

Hey, dopeheads, smack addicts, meth freaks and the rest of you: SUCK IT HARD!

Alcohol is more dangerous than illegal drugs like heroin and crack cocaine, according to a new study.

British experts evaluated substances including alcohol, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy and marijuana, ranking them based on how destructive they are to the individual who takes them and to society as a whole.

Researchers analyzed how addictive a drug is and how it harms the human body, in addition to other criteria like environmental damage caused by the drug, its role in breaking up families and its economic costs, such as health care, social services, and prison.

That’s right, while you’re shooting your very genteel heroin up your arm, I am heroically battling death with every sweet sip of poison I drop down my throat. New livers be damned! Who are the real daredevils? Us, the bold, risk-taking alcoholics. I expect some respect.